Desperately Wanting
by Lorilozz
Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?
1. The Trifecta

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**A/N: The story takes place in 2007, however the first few chapters will mainly be about Nathan and Haley's first involvement / relationship a year earlier in 2006. Dates will be indicated to show the timeline in each chapter.**

**Chapter 1 – The Trifecta**

* * *

_Year 2007_

_I can do this. I'm a grown woman, not some silly school girl with a broken heart. I'm over him. He means nothing to me. Zip. Zilch. Nada._

"Haley!"

The blonde was quickly brought out of her inner conversation by someone calling her name and spun around to find Brooke waving her over. She picked up her luggage and made her way over to her cousin who enthusiastically pulled her into a bear hug.

"Hey Brooke. Trying to breathe here." When she finally released her, Haley admired the happy glow that seemed to emanate from her cousin. Obviously motherhood agreed with her, and as predicted, she showed no physical signs of having given birth only two months earlier. "Thanks for picking me up."

"As if I'd let you get a cab after traveling all the way from London. God you're looking good Hales. I'm so glad you're moving back here. It will be just like old times."

Haley had just finished a four year teaching and music degree at a private college in London. She was now moving back to Tree Hill in North Carolina where she had secured a job at the local high school so she could be close to the only people she counted as family, her cousin Brooke Davis Scott and her husband Lucas Scott.

"It's good to be back. I've really missed you Brooke, and I can't wait to meet Mitchell. I feel so bad that you've made me his Godmother and I haven't even met him yet!"

"Don't be silly, you're the perfect choice. Besides, look at Lucas' choice of Godfather! We need you around to be a good influence on him. You know what Nathan's like."

Haley managed a tight smile, even though just the thought of Nathan Scott made her feel as though a vise was clenching her heart. "Shouldn't we be going? My flight was a little late and we don't want to hold up the ceremony"

An hour later Haley was showered and changed, ready for little Mitchell's baptism… unfortunately she wasn't nearly as prepared to face Mitchell's uncle and Godfather, but she'd just have to suck it up for a few hours, pretend that seeing him didn't tear her apart and then be on her merry way, hopefully not having to see him again until the next big family event.

Nathan's gaze wandered across the garden to the beautiful blond playing with his Nephew. He had hoped that seeing Haley James again would put his mind at ease and reassure him that he was wrong about what he though he had felt for her a year earlier, but unfortunately it wasn't working out that way. 

As soon as he'd seen her at the baptism ceremony, his breath had caught in his throat and his stomach had flipped… and those weren't the only physical responses she stirred in him. He'd had to hide the evidence of his growing arousal by excusing himself to use the bathroom.

So. He still wanted her. And she was the only woman to have stamped a place on his heart, not that she knew it. Now what was he supposed to do? The way she'd avoided him like the plague gave him a fair indication as to how well she would take to his apology and worse still, how successful he would be in an attempt to get her back – not that he'd ever had her to begin with. He'd ruined any chance for them before they'd even begun.

Looking at her now, rocking the crying baby in her arms, Nathan was experiencing a completely new emotion, and he had a sneaking suspicion it was love.

* * *

_Year 2006_

Nathan's gaze wandered across the room to the beautiful blond dancing with his brother. There was something indescribable about her. She was by far the most beautiful woman there, but was completely oblivious to the attention that she attracted from nearly every male in the room.

The natural ease with which she and Lucas laughed and danced, caused a surge of irrational jealousy, something completely foreign to the usually cool, laidback Nathan Scott. It was absurd, for starters, this was Lucas' wedding and Haley was the maid of honor. Secondly, he had no claim on her whatsoever. He hadn't even remembered who she was until he had quizzed his brother on who the 'hottie' bridesmaid was and whether or not she was single.

Brooke and Lucas had been appalled that he didn't remember her, but claimed in his defence, that she was two years younger than them, and he hadn't really associated with people outside of his group of friends. It sounded shallow, but he was king of the school back then, captain of the Raven's basketball team. All the girls wanted him and all the guys wanted to be him.

It had taken a lot of prompting from his soon-to-be sister-in-law before he vaguely recollected her younger cousin who had gone to Tree Hill High with them. She was always so shy and introverted, barely uttering a single word to him unless required. He did remember that some of his team mates would mention how great their tutor, Haley, was but he didn't know at the time that it was the same girl. It's not like he would have expected a sophomore to be tutoring seniors! The one thing he did remember, however, was her working in his Aunt's café. He never really spoke to her except to order food, but he remembered how Lucas and Brooke would always chat with her when she wasn't busy and would pick her up after her shifts.

Most people had found it incredible that the two were related, but it turned out to be a blessing for Haley because Brooke was always very protective of her orphaned cousin and nobody dared pick on her. Haley's parents had died when she was just eleven years old in a car accident and she was sent to live with her aunt and uncle. Unfortunately, the Davis' were hardly ideal parents and barely had enough time for their own daughter let alone their niece, so Brooke took it upon herself to be there for Haley. They'd become close friends and eventually considered themselves sisters.

Haley had felt Nathan's gaze on her all evening and it was extremely unsettling, if not a little exciting. She had wished for this attention from him for years growing up, just as every other young girl in Tree Hill had, but never once had he noticed her. Well, there was that one time at a Raven's basketball after-party that Brooke had dragged her along to. Her cousin had whined and begged until she got her own way and had dressed Haley up like her very own Barbie doll. She'd felt awfully vulnerable in her skimpy outfit and spent most of the night on a couch in the corner trying to hide herself.

Just as she'd been about to leave, Nathan approached her and asked her to dance. After picking her jaw up off the floor, she'd nodded her agreement, unable to find her voice through the shock. It was a slow song and even to this day she could still feel his hands on her hips and his breath on her cheek. At the time, her fifteen year old self had thought that they would go down as the best three minutes of her life. They had pulled apart, Nathan smirking at the steady blush creeping up her cheeks. And if she thought his smirk was enough to stop her heart, the soft kiss he placed on the corner of her mouth almost did the job. She just stood there staring after his retreating form, unable to produce a coherent thought for a full couple of minutes.

Unfortunately, she soon came down from that euphoric cloud of bliss when she overheard Brooke thanking Nathan for the favor. Her heart and spirit broke a little that night, not to mention the blow that was dealt to her already fragile self-esteem, but she couldn't be upset with her cousin. She knew she was just trying to do something nice for her.

Haley was soon brought back from her memories by an unmistakable voice. "May I cut in?"

Lucas kissed her cheek and thanked her for the dance before handing her over to Nathan.

"Little Haley James. My, how you've changed." Haley couldn't help the little flutter in her heart as she saw that infamous smirk for the first time in years. However, she refused to be the same shy girl that he remembered, she was a grown woman now and there was no way he was going to fluster her.

"Nathan Scott. I see you haven't change a bit." The teasing, flirty retort surprised him. Where was the timid girl who could barely manage to get out a sentence when he was around?

"I'm flattered that you remember me."

"Don't be too flattered. You _were_ the caption of the Raven's Championship team, everyone from Tree Hill knows who you are… And now the rest of the country knows you as a Bobcat."

Nathan was impressed, suddenly hoping that she'd been following his career. "So you're a fan. Have you been to many games?"

Haley chuckled at his attempt to pick her up. It felt as though she was living in a strange parallel universe. "It's been kind of hard to get to your games when I've been living in another country for the past three years."

His eyebrows rose in surprise. Brooke and Lucas hadn't mentioned that during their earlier conversation and he hadn't thought ask. As far as he had been concerned, he knew the important things. She was hot. She was single… And now to top it all off, she was low-risk. Living in another country meant no dealing with unrealistic expectations of a relationship. They could have a quick fling and then she'd be back on her way to…

"So where have you been living?"

"London. I'm about to go into my final year of a teaching and music degree."

"Kind of a long way to go for a degree isn't it?" Nathan wondered why she would go to England rather than stay close to Brooke if she was her only family.

"It didn't feel right taking money from the Davis' for college expenses so I applied for some scholarships and chose the best one… which just happened to be in England."

Haley had to fight the urge to laugh at the disbelieving look on his face. "Scholarships? Plural? As in, you got offered more than one? You must be one smart cookie, Haley James!"

She couldn't control the blush that colored her cheeks at his compliment. However, she quickly remembered that she wasn't going to be bashful about her achievements anymore. She was extremely proud of them and the hard work she put in to get where she was today. "Four actually, but is it really so surprising, considering you all called me 'Tutorgirl?"

Nathan sensed a little resentment attached the nickname that had been given to her in high school. He realised that some people might have used it in a derogatory sense, but from what he remembered, most of the people he hung out with respected her, after all, she helped most of them graduate.

"Yeah. That's right. I hope you know that it was a compliment, Haley."

Even though, she'd tried to get rid of the nickname back then, Haley could see the sincerity in his piercing blue eyes. "Really?"

"Definitely. I can see you don't deal with compliments very well."

"No, I guess I'm not used to getting them very often." Her flippant reply meant to ease the tension that was building between them.

"I can't believe that. It's not very often I meet a girl with the Trifecta."

"Trifecta?" Haley asked, her brow furrowed with confusion.

Nathan pulled her closer, bending his head to whisper in her ear, resulting in an involuntary shiver working it's way down her spine. "Brains, personality and looks. Believe me Haley James, you've got them all in spades."

* * *

_**Author's Note: Hi everyone. I'm back! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I have been toying with a few new story ideas and this is the one I have decided to work on first. Please let me know what you think so far.**_


	2. It's Not Nice To Tease

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible, especially to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. Will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 2 – It's not nice to tease**

* * *

_Year 2006_

Haley sat down on the sofa with popcorn and chocolate on the coffee table within easy reach, ready for her scary movie marathon.

"I must be fucking crazy" she chuckled to herself. Haley James hated scary movies. They terrified her, quite often leaving her with nightmares for weeks, but after three days of being unable to stop thinking about him, she needed a distraction.

Nathan had given her his complete attention at the wedding. They'd danced, flirted and talked all night until they were amongst the last guests at the reception. He even offered her a ride back to Brooke and Lucas' where she was going to be house-sitting for two weeks while they were on their honeymoon. After an awkward moment where she could have sworn he was going to kiss her, he bid her good night and she hadn't heard from him since.

Shaking her head to rid her mind of thoughts of a certain raven haired Adonis, Haley started the first movie and pulled the blanket up around her shoulders. The opening credits were rolling and she was already scared senseless. Yep, this would take her mind off him… for at least one evening anyway.

Later on in the evening, towards the end of the second movie, Haley caught a glimpse of a dark figure standing in the kitchen doorway causing her to jump off the sofa, squealing in terror.

Within seconds the lights came on to reveal a very amused Nathan Scott, smirking at her and even though her heart was racing and she should have been yelling at him for scaring her, all she could do was think of how hot he looked and how glad she was that he was there.

"Nathan! You scared the crap out of me" she laughed shakily trying to recover from her fright.

"Really? So that's what all the screeching was about. I thought you were just happy to see me." He laughed before adding. "I'm sorry Haley. I shouldn't have scared you like that."

"It's ok. What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

Nathan took off his jacket before plonking down on the sofa and taking a handful of popcorn. "I have a key. Lucas and Brooke asked me to check in on you and make sure you'd settled in ok."

Haley's heart fell a little. She was hoping he had come over because he wanted to see her, not because he was doing another favor for her cousin. "Oh. Well, as you can see I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me."

Nathan leaned over and grabbed her hand pulling her down to sit next to him. He grinned at her. "What's with the scary movies, Haley? I wouldn't have picked you for a fan."

"Oh, well I'm not really. I just… like to try new things every now and then." She winced knowing how lame that sounded, but it wasn't like she could just come out and say 'well, actually, I've sort of been in love with you since high school. The wedding was the best night of my life and I can't stop thinking about you, so I needed the distraction'. Yeah, that'd go down real well. Poor guy would probably run off screaming… or laugh in her face. She couldn't decide which outcome would be more disturbing.

Nathan could see that she was uncomfortable around him and that was a very good sign. All his experience with women told him that it meant that she was attracted to him, but she didn't quite know how to handle that attraction.

"I like to try new things regularly" he smirked suggestively But upon feeling her tense up, Nathan knew he was going to have to tread differently with this one. She wasn't like the other girls he had been with. He needed to take it slowly and gain her trust. "Do you mind if I stay and watch with you?"

"Sure." Nathan got up and turned off the lights before taking his seat and pulling Haley close, wrapping the blanket around them both. "Don't want you getting scared again, now do we?"

When the movie ended, Nathan looked down to find that Haley had fallen asleep. Not surprising really when she'd spent nearly the entire time with her head buried in his chest, blocking out the horrors on the screen. He took the time to study her and found that even though on first inspection some might think she was plain, there was just something special about her, a glow that set her apart. He found himself stroking her cheek, reveling in the soft, silky feel of her skin.

Haley's eyes fluttered open to find Nathan's staring back at her. She quickly lost herself in his intense blue orbs and before she knew it his face was coming closer until his lips brushed softly against hers. It felt so good and she wasn't sure if this was really happening or if it was all just a dream, but when she felt his tongue flick against her lower lip, begging for entrance, Haley knew it was really happening. She was kissing Nathan Scott!

Nathan couldn't believe how amazing it felt to kiss her. He'd never experienced so many sensations from a single kiss before and when she granted him access to her mouth, letting him massage her tongue gently with his, the feelings only grew more intense. Before long, the gentle exploration of each others mouths had turned into a passionate mind melting kiss, their hunger for each other increasing with every second.

She felt as though she was lost in some faraway place that she could never return from, not sure if she'd ever want to. Truth be told, she could kiss him forever and it still wouldn't be long enough. But the spell was broken when she felt his hands slide under the fabric of her tank top. She stiffened a little, but fought to keep her panicked thoughts at bay. This was ok. He wasn't hurting her. She wanted this and he would stop if she asked him to.

Nathan sensed the moment she first became uncomfortable and wondered how she had gone from being as lost in their passion as he was to being tense and… frightened? He stilled the movements of his hand, not letting it wander any further, simply rubbing soft circles on the exposed skin of her stomach. The whole time this was happening, neither of them had broken their kiss and before long, he felt her relax again, causing him to smile against her lips.

A little while later Haley felt like she was going to melt. She hadn't had a lot of experience with kissing men, but she had no doubts that Nathan could be counted as one of the best out there. They had somehow moved positions so that they were both lying on the couch, their legs entangled and their kisses back to being of a more leisurely nature rather than frantic. She knew that Nathan had sensed her wariness earlier, immediately slowing down and she silently thanked him for easing her fears. His gentle caresses under her top were now exciting rather than scary and she had even found the courage to do the same to him. The feel of his skin stretched taught over well defined muscles was driving her crazy and she kept having flashes of them both naked, him smiling above her. God, how much she wanted him, but she wasn't ready for that.

"Nathan" Haley moaned when she felt his fingers brush lightly over a hard nipple under the lace of her bra. There was a stirring in her belly that she couldn't quite place, but she knew she never wanted stop feeling this good.

"God, you're so beautiful." Taking her reaction to his ministrations as encouragement, Nathan moved his hand around her back and quickly unfastened the clasp of her bra. Haley was so into the moment that she didn't even notice, not until he had pulled down the cups and gently squeezed each nipple. White heat ran through her body and she tingled all over, the sensation driving her mad.

She remembered back to another time when different hands were on her breasts. Hands that were nowhere near as gentle. She remembered the way it had hurt her and the bruises that were left afterwards. Immediately she pushed Nathan off her, causing him to fall off the sofa, hitting the coffee table on the way down.

"Jesus Haley. What the fuck?" He hadn't meant to sound so harsh, feeling guilty when he saw the tears forming in her eyes, but he was frustrated. They were both so hot for each other and here she was pushing him away like he'd attacked her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered looking away from him. "I can't"

Nathan sighed heavily before grabbing his jacket off the end of the sofa. "It's not nice to tease, little girl" he hissed.

Nathan's cold voice brought her head up to face him. "I'm sorry. I wasn't teasing you, I…"

"Whatever. I don't have time for your games." And with that he was gone.

Haley hung her head and sobbed silently. Why couldn't she just be with him? She hadn't been attracted to a single man since she'd finished high school. After what had happened to her back then, she didn't think she'd want to be with another man ever again, and now that she did her old fears and insecurities had ruined it for her. After pulling herself together, she made her way to bed, vowing to forget the whole evening and forget Nathan Scott.

* * *

**_Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed. This story is a little different from my last one, with less drama at the beginning, leading up to the main story. The chapters will also be a bit shorter than usual as I am struggling to find time to write at the moment. Please review and let me know what you think so far._**


	3. Dinner and Dancing

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 3 – Dinner and Dancing**

* * *

_Year 2006_

It had been nearly a week and she hadn't heard from him… and obviously she hadn't had any luck forgetting him either. She was still angry with herself for letting her past rule her present.

"Home sweet home" she chuckled bitterly as she pulled up into the driveway of Brooke's house. Trying to take her mind off things, Haley had decided to do a little shopping. She had bought herself some new clothes, a few things for Brooke and Lucas when they returned and then she'd gone grocery shopping. Opening up the back of the car she sighed despairingly at the number of bags she would have to get inside.

She brought the clothes and gifts in first and on her way out to grab the groceries she was shocked to see Nathan approaching the door, with said groceries in his hands.

"Where do you want these?" His voice a little stiff, giving away just how awkward he was feeling.

She struggled to find her voice but eventually choked out "Um, the kitchen please."

She watched as he lifted the bags onto the counter and started removing the items from them. He turned around and chuckled slightly at her stunned expression.

"You act live you've never seen groceries before"

Haley smiled at his obvious attempt to ease the tension. She was still angry with the way he reacted but she understood that her mixed signals would be quite confusing and infuriating.

"No. I've just never seen a guy voluntarily unpack them before" Her own smirk could have rivaled his and he was glad that she was willing to be civil and try to make peach with him instead of kicking him out.

"Look. I'm sorry about the other night. I was way out of line." Nathan struggled to hold her gaze, wanting to sink into the floor with how ashamed he was of his behavior.

She thought about how cute he looked as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth like a little boy getting in trouble from his parents.

She sighed heavily. "It was my fault. I didn't handle things very well. Why don't we just forget it?"

Nathan looked up, to see her smiling. God he loved her smile. He wasn't sure if he was relieved that she was happy to put that night behind them, or disappointed that she wanted to.

"Forget what?" he asked playfully.

They both worked to unpack the rest of the food chatting away, sticking to general topics that friends may discuss. Nathan was about to leave when Haley stopped him, gently placing her hand on his arm. "Nathan, wait. Would you like to stay for dinner? It gets kind of lonely here by myself all the time."

Nathan grinned at her, happy that she wanted to spend some more time with him. He wasn't sure what was happening between them. He'd never grinned at a woman before. It just wasn't done. Actually, he doubted he'd ever wanted to grin at anyone in his life, and never had he been so desperate just to be in a woman's company before. Especially when they had made it clear that he wouldn't be getting any.

He had always been able to get any woman he wanted, and usually did. Most were one night stands and he didn't care about their feelings, or what their likes and dislikes were. This getting-to-know-you stuff was so out of character for him. He had been so surprised by her rejection that night that he had treated her like he did all the women before her, but having time to think about he realized that she was different, hell _he_ was different around her. It was a little scary and he wasn't sure he was doing the right thing but he wanted to see where his feelings led him.

He noticed how anxious she was for his response and found it absolutely adorable, which was not that surprising since he was beginning to find that everything she did was adorable. Putting her out of her misery he responded. "Sure. I'd love to stay."

When he saw her face light up at the acceptance to her invitation, he knew he'd made the right decision. At that moment he had the strange feeling that he'd do anything to see her happy.

"This is delicious Nathan. You are really full of surprises aren't you?" Haley beamed at Nathan across the table. She never would have guessed that after the way their last meeting ended, they'd be spending a pleasant evening together, cooking, eating and sharing wonderful conversation.

"It's one of my many talents." There was that irresistible smirk again, thought Haley. "I've lived on my own for a while and found that I had a flair for cooking. I think it helps me relax too."

Haley smiled. She would never have believed how many things they had in common, she'd actually been worried that they would have nothing to talk about and that their connection would be purely physical, but the conversation had flowed freely and she found herself having a wonderful time.

"Do you remember Tim Smith's Graduation party?" Nathan asked suddenly. He had found that since the wedding and spending time with Haley he was beginning to remember more about her from the past. It was almost like she was invisible to him at the time, but his mind was now replaying that time and he noticed her in so many scenes that he wondered how he ever missed her at all.

Haley stiffened at the question. _Did she remember Tim's party?_ Of course she did. It was only the best and worst night of her life. "Um, sort of. Why?"

Nathan noticed Haley's strange reaction to his question, but wasn't sure what the problem was and decided that she'd tell him if she wanted to talk about it. "I don't know if you remember or not, but we danced that night. You were so shy and hesitant, but I asked and you accepted. You're a good dancer." Nathan felt the memory flood his mind. He had completely forgotten all about it, but now he wondered how he could have had Haley James in his arms and then let her go, never giving her another thought.

"Thanks. And yes, I do remember. You know what else I remember? Brooke thanking you for the favor." The words were delivered in a teasing manner, no resentment, it was simply Haley wanting him to know that she knew what had been going on.

Nathan looked startled and incredibly guilty and she instantly felt bad for it. "It was high school Nathan. Don't worry about it. It's in the past." If only she could completely believe her own words. Because in reality, it did matter. That dance and consequently feeling like a charity case was part of a chain reaction of events that led to one particular event that changed her completely. Something that could have broken her if she had let it, but she didn't, so it was best not to dwell.

Nathan had assumed that the reason she had been uneasy earlier when he mentioned the party was because she remembered that the dance was just a favor for Brooke, but looking at the tense, pained expression on her face as her mind wandered off to some place far away, he couldn't help feeling that it was something much more deeper than that. Wanting nothing more than to cheer her up, he decided to pull her away from her obviously distressing thoughts.

"Well, it's no favor this time Haley." Nathan stood up holding out his hand, waiting for her to take it so that they could dance. She blushed furiously, embarrassed by his flirting, but even more so because she knew that this time around he was being sincere. Nathan Scott saw something in Haley James… and she couldn't help wondering when she would wake up from this strange dream.

"But, there's no music." She objected even as she rose from her seat, taking hold of his hand. Despite the objection, there was no way she'd turn down the opportunity to dance with him again, especially because this time he really wanted to.

"We don't need music. Just close your eyes and follow my lead."

With Nathan's hands around her waist, Haley relaxed and in turn placed her arms around his neck, resting her head on his chest. She could feel his heart beating and smiled when she realized just how quickly it was beating. He was obviously just as affected by their closeness as she was.

There were no words exchanged, no music playing, only the sound of their breathing filled the room while they both had their eyes closed, not even remembering where they were. It wasn't important, the only thing that mattered was they were there together, dancing, breathing as one in that precious moment.

It felt right. That was the only way Haley could describe it. After spending the last eight years of her life, since her parent's deaths, feeling like an outside, with nowhere to belong, being in Nathan Scott's arms felt right. Like she was special, treasured and wanted.

"I'm sorry Haley." Nathan murmured softly into her hair. He decided he loved her hair, the way it felt so soft like silk and smelled so sweet, a scent he couldn't quite place.

Haley removed her head from his chest and looked up at him. "I told you. Let's forget about it." Her voice was sweet and so gentle, Nathan almost felt its caress.

"No, I don't mean for last week. I mean, for not seeing how sweet, caring and beautiful you are. I feel so stupid for not noticing this perfect, amazing girl who was in front of my face for years. I'm sorry for you because I treated you like you were invisible. And I'm sorry for me because I missed out on knowing you for all those years.

"Nathan" Her whisper barely met his ears, but he knew he'd touched her heart, and saw the single tear fall from her eye. He brushed it away tenderly before lowering his head and placing a soft, lingering kiss on the corner of her mouth. When he pulled away, Haley's eyes were still closed and he knew she was reliving their previous dance and kiss from back in high school.

Haley's heart soared as she reveled in the tingling sensation left behind from his kiss. This had been a perfect evening and Nathan had been the perfect man. This was exactly how she always knew he could be. She always knew there was more depth than the macho front he put on for everyone in high school and seemed to still put up in his adult life.

When she opened her eyes, Nathan was taken aback by the emotions he could see in them. There was admiration, caring, lust, respect and maybe even a little… love? That thought was a little too much to process right then, but he knew deep down that he liked it. He also knew if he didn't get out of there he would ruin their perfect evening and the bond that they had formed. He wanted her so badly, but knew that she wasn't ready and may never be. She was such a special person and even if he couldn't have her as a lover, he knew he wanted her in his life as a friend. Therefore, it was best if prevented them both from crossing any boundaries, especially with her leaving the country in a few days.

"I'm going to say goodnight now, Haley. Thank you for inviting me for dinner. I've had a great time."

Haley may have been worried about him wanting to leave, but she could tell that his words were sincere. And to be honest, she was worried about controlling herself around him. If she stayed near him for much longer she was likely to rip his clothes off or profess her undying love for him. Better to keep some distance until she gathered her senses. She was leaving soon anyway, so it wasn't like anything between them would be able to develop.

"Goodnight Nathan." She reached up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips and watched with a smile on her face as he walked out the door.

Later that evening lying in bed Nathan wondered what on earth was happening. These thoughts and feelings were all so new to him, should he be worried? Was he falling in love with her? No, that wasn't likely as he had always been convinced of his inability to truly love and commit to a woman. It was probably just the wine they shared at dinner. The next time he saw her, his heart wouldn't flutter and his skin wouldn't tingle and he wouldn't experience an inescapable urge to take her in his arms and hold her close… forever.

* * *

**AN: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story. I appreciate the support and your faith in me. I know it's taking a little longer to really reach the drama of this story, but there will be plenty coming up in the not too distant future. **

**Coox: The current chapters are set a year in the past at the time of the Brucas wedding and Naley's first involvement. In a few chapters we will go back to the present at the time of the baptism for baby Mitchell when Naley are no longer speaking. Hope that clears it up for you.**


	4. Opening Up

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 4 – Opening Up**

* * *

_Year 2006_

Haley returned from the kitchen with a new bottle of wine to find Nathan still sitting on the couch laughing at her.

"I still can't believe you called your teacher Dad in front of the whole class. I mean, kids do it all the time in elementary school, but 10th grade, Haley?" Nathan's laughter carried on for a few more seconds before he stopped abruptly with a serious look on his face. "I'm sorry Haley. I completely forgot about your parents and everything. I shouldn't have been laughing."

Haley smiled at his thoughtfulness. "It's ok, Nate. My parent's died a long time ago. It doesn't hurt to talk about them anymore. Besides, I volunteered that story as my most embarrassing high school moment. You're supposed to laugh."

Nathan looked relieved and smiled at her again. "Yeah. I suppose it's nothing compared to my embarrassing moment of having my basketball shorts ripped off me during a game in front of a packed gym."

Haley was overcome by laughter as she remembered that particular moment in time. She had always gone to every basketball game, claiming she was just supporting Luke, her cousin's boyfriend and employer's son, but really, she also went for Nathan. "I remember that! It was hilarious."

Nathan gave her a mock glare which only served to increase her laughter. "If it makes you feel any better, you made the night of every single girl in that gym. They were talking about your 'fine butt' for the next two weeks."

He smirked. "Actually, that does make me feel better. How about you, Hales? Did you talk about my 'fine butt'?" His eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

Haley rolled her eyes. "Ok. Moving on. I believe it's my turn to ask the next question." She gave her best evil grin and Nathan groaned, really not wanting to rehash any more embarrassing memories. They're not really the best conversation starter when trying to impress the girl of your dreams. _Wait! The girl of his dreams?_ No way was he going there again. He had decided that it was best if they remained strictly friends and it had been working well. They had spent nearly every single moment together since they'd patched things up over dinner the other night. The last thing he wanted to do was to complicate their newfound friendship by letting his feelings get in the way.

"Were you in love with Peyton?" Haley asked hesitantly, knowing that she was steering them away from safe, funny topics to more serious ones that he might not be comfortable discussing.

Nathan looked up startled. He hadn't been expecting her to ask that question. "Um. Yeah. I loved Peyton. I guess I always will. She was my first everything you know. My first real girlfriend. The first one to like me for more than just my status and basketball skills. She was um, well, we were each other's firsts, ya know? You never forget your first time."

Haley suddenly wished she hadn't asked the question. She didn't want to even think about her first time. Those painful memories were really not wanted, not when she was having such a wonderful time getting to know Nathan as a person, rather than the guy she had always loved from afar.

Knowing that the 'first time' question could very possibly be coming her way, Haley decided to get him talking about something else. "Luke told me that the reason you guys broke up was because of your dad. He didn't like her or something?"

His body tensed a little before he sighed deeply. He never discussed his dad with anybody. It was a topic that he had pushed to the back of his mind and locked away since the day that Dan Scott had died of a massive heart attack three years earlier. He looked up at Haley who was watching him patiently, waiting for him to be ready to talk, and for the first time he was. He wanted to let it all out.

"Yeah. Most of Tree Hill knew my Dad as Mayor Dan Scott, family man, owner of a successful business. Well, they didn't know him. They didn't know what it was like growing up with him putting so much pressure on you that you felt as though you'd never be good enough for him, to make him proud. I think in his own twisted way, he loved me and that he treated me the way he did because he wanted the best for me, but it still hurts."

Haley shifted closer to him on the couch and placed a comforting hand on his arm, showing her support and that she was there to listen to anything he had to say. She had heard from Luke that they're father wasn't all he was cracked up to be, but she had always thought that maybe it was his bitterness from never being acknowledged as Dan's son. Now she was beginning to see that maybe not having Dan in his life was the best thing for Luke.

"There were so many things I wanted to do as a kid. So many things I wanted to try, but my dad wouldn't let me do anything but basketball. Anything else was just a distraction. I guess Peyton counted as one of those distractions. He was always rude to her and eventually she told me she couldn't deal with it anymore. She wanted more time with me, but I just couldn't give it to her.

"Dan would make me train for hours a day, always telling me that I needed to be ready to be the best so I would get a scholarship into a good college and then get drafted into the NBA. One time I remember telling him that I wasn't sure I wanted to play ball in college that it might be too much work as well as studying and you know what he said? Well after the laughter died down, he told me that I really was stupid if I thought I could get into college without a basketball scholarship. That I was nothing without basketball and to get the ridiculous idea out of my head."

Haley sighed, so upset that Nathan had been treated that way by his own father. "I'm so sorry Nathan. You know he was wrong though, don't you? You know that you can do anything you set your mind to."

Her words touched his heart and he felt for the first time that someone actually saw him. The real him and not just the cocky basketball player, but the hurt, insecure boy underneath. She was so close and all he had to do was lean over and kiss her, but he knew it wasn't right. They had to talk about something else.

"My turn now. Who was your first time with?" Nathan regretted the question as soon as it came out of his mouth. Firstly, because he was insanely jealous of any guy who had been with Haley. Jealous that they got to be with her, experience her, when it was likely he never would. Secondly, because the look of panic that flittered across his face revealed to him that she was highly uncomfortable with the question.

"You don't have to answer. I'm sorry, I should have asked."

"No. It's ok." Haley's first instinct was to not talk about it, but how could she be such a coward when Nathan had so wholly opened himself up to her and trusted her with his deepest hurts. Now it was her turn.

"My first time was… not a pleasant experience for me." She was amazed at how controlled her voice was when on the inside she was screaming. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes as the memories of that fateful night began to play in her mind like a distorted movie.

Nathan could sense her apprehension and something inside warned that he was about to hear something he didn't want to. Something bad had happened to her and he wasn't sure if he could handle hearing it, but he had to because if she was willing to share the experience with him, then he owed it to her to listen.

"It was at a party. Tim Smith's party for your graduation." She watched Nathan's face display surprise but he remained quiet. "That was my first ever party. Because I was three years younger than Brooke, she never took me along before that. But being her last major party before going off to college she begged me to go with her. She was always like a sister to me so I couldn't say no. I hated it from the moment we walked in the door. I was just a sophomore and didn't know anybody and they were all so drunk and loud and the whole thing made me nervous and uncomfortable. I eventually found a spot in the corner of a room where I could basically hide until Brooke was ready to leave."

As Haley went on to describe watching the party goers and then his invitation to dance, Nathan thought back to that night and how Haley had managed to make herself invisible to everyone there. He remembered Brooke finding him in the kitchen and asking him to dance with her little cousin because she wasn't having a good time. He had no idea who Brooke was talking about; he'd never paid attention to the younger girl. Eventually he agreed and after she was pointed out to him, he approached her to dance. She was so shy and never uttered a single word to him. At first her body had been tense and fidgety, but she began to relax as the song went on and he remembered thinking that her body fit perfectly against his. He had never planned on kissing her, but when her innocent little face looked up at him, he felt an uncommon wave of tenderness wash over him and lowered his lips for that chaste kiss.

"So anyway, after the dance, I decided to get a glass of water and that was when I heard Brooke thanking you." She looked up at him blushing, and Nathan knew then that it had hurt and embarrassed her to learn that their dance had been just a favor. "I was so embarrassed that I actually thought a senior would want to dance with me… that Nathan Scott would want to dance with me. I needed to get out of there so I went out the back and sat down on the verandah to think. I don't know how long I was out there for, but it started to get a little cool. I felt a jacket being placed on my shoulders and found one the seniors smiling at me. I couldn't remember his name, but I knew he was on the team."

"The basketball team? He was a raven?" Nathan knew what most of his team mates were like. They could get any girl they wanted and usually did. They were into one night stands, not relationships, and he didn't like the thought of Haley being used like that.

"Yeah. We talked for a while and introduced ourselves. His name was Paul Marsh and he was just so sweet to me you know? I don't know exactly how everything happened, but he got us a couple of drinks. I knew straight away that it was alcoholic, but I was just so upset that I didn't care and just kept drinking until my feelings started to numb. We ended up taking a walk along the beach. I wasn't used to being drunk and I just wasn't thinking rationally."

Nathan could feel his anger towards Paul Marsh growing. They'd been mates back then and Paul had slept with many girls, but hadn't known one of them was Haley. His Haley. He was furious and never being one to handle his emotions well, he lashed out at the girl baring her soul to him.

"So you got drunk and gave it up to Paul Marsh on the beach." Nathan said unable to hide his bitterness. He knew it was wrong and he shouldn't be making her feel bad, but he was just so angry. He hated the thought of her with anyone else, let alone a player like Paul.

He knew he'd gone too far when Haley looked up and he saw the pain that lingered there in her eyes. Eyes that were now filled with tears. "I didn't 'give it up' to him Nathan." Her words so filled with pain and despair. "He took it from me. He raped me!"

"What?!" Nathan roared, causing the distressed girl before him to flinch and pull back. He calmed himself down and softened his voice. "I don't understand. He went off to college, he plays in the NBA." He watched regret and guilt play across her features and knew that she never reported it. "Why didn't you go to the cops, Haley?"

"I just couldn't Nathan. I was so ashamed, and embarrassed. I couldn't tell anyone about it. I went on with my life as normally as I could, and it really wasn't that hard. Brooke left for college soon after and her parents were never home. I was doing fine with it, well I thought I was, until one night about a month later I just broke down. I couldn't stop shaking or crying. One of the maids found me and called an ambulance. After a lot of prompting, I eventually told the doctor what had happened that night. They tried to get me to report it, but I refused."

Nathan took her in his arms and rubbed her back gently. "I'm so sorry Haley. It must have been awful for you."

After a few moments silence she spoke again in a soft whisper. "The waiting was the worst part. They performed a pregnancy test and tested for any diseases I may have contracted. Everything came back clear except it took a few months to get the final clearance on the HIV test. I was so scared that whole time and I didn't have anybody. I thought I would feel relieved and happy and ready to move on when the final test came back negative, but instead I just felt empty and like I would never be happy again. How could I ever trust anyone again after that experience? So many people don't give a second thought about hurting others, and even those who are supposed to love you end up hurting you anyway… or leaving you all alone."

Nathan wanted to cry thinking about how it must have been for her. She had no one in the whole world to help her through that time. Her parents had died, leaving her alone. The Davis' who were supposed to take on her parent's role, had never had enough time for her. Brooke left for college right after the most traumatic experience of her life. He understood how hopeless she must have felt, and he could understand why she had trouble letting anyone in.

"It's going to be ok Haley. Not everyone out there is going to hurt you. There are people who love you and would do anything to keep you safe and make you happy."

Haley looked up into his eyes and attempted a smile. "Thank you for listening to me, and I know I'm being childish and wallowing when I should appreciate what I have. And I do have a lot to be thankful for. I am nearly finished my degree and will soon be teaching music, something I love. I have Brooke, and I know she loves me. She's always looked after me."

Nathan, wiped away her tears. "Brooke's not the only one who loves you. Don't ever think that."

Their eyes were locked and for a split second she held hope that he was referring to himself, but then she remembered Lucas. "And Lucas. Of course Luke loves me. He's been like a protective older brother, and I guess there's Karen too. She always treated me like her daughter."

When she looked up again, his face was suddenly so much closer and there was a look in his eyes that she couldn't quite place. It was different to the lust she had seen the week before, it was deeper… and scarier. "I wasn't talking about them, Hales." He whispered. He leaned down and brushed a soft kiss against her lips. "God, you really don't know how amazing you are, do you?"

Haley's heart melted. He had basically declared his love for her and she was overwhelmed. He had had her heart for so long, and now she finally had a part of his. Unable to hold back what she was feeling, Haley pulled him down to return the kiss. It was filled with such warmth, passion, longing and love. There was no sign of the girl afraid to be intimate with a man, her body was driving her and it knew what it wanted, to be one with the man she loved.

Haley began to tug at the bottom of his shirt, gasping at the heat radiating from his skin and the invisible sparks that seemed to appear whenever their skin came into contact. Nathan pulled away from her and sat back on the couch, struggling for breath.

"Hales. I didn't come here for this. Tonight has been really emotionally draining for both of us and I just don't want to take advantage of you." His voice was soft and pleading, not wanting her to get the wrong idea and think that he didn't want her, because he did… desperately. He thought he'd blown it when Haley stood up from the sofa and began to walk towards the stairs. Was she going to just leave it like this between them, not uttering a single word to him?

As soon as Nathan had put Haley's wellbeing ahead of both of their physical urges, she knew that she was making the right decision to put her doubts behind her and let this man in. Into her heart, her mind and her body. She turned around at the foot of the stairs with a smile and asked innocently "You coming?", before making her way up to her bedroom.

Nathan stared after her in shock. She was ready and she wanted this. Wanted him. He knew it was an honor to be the man that she finally let her guard down with, and he would make sure that she wouldn't regret it. When he finally came out of his thoughts, he realized that she had already ascended the stairs, so he quickly made his way to join her.

They started off slowly, kissing, caressing and simply enjoying the feel of each others bodies as they gradually removed their clothing. Haley felt like she was in heaven pressed up against his naked form, his lips covering every inch of her body. There was no fear, no shyness, she trusted him completely and relished the way he obviously appreciated what he saw. She felt sexy and wanted and it was something she thought she'd never experience.

"God you're so beautiful Haley. I don't deserve you." He whispered in her ear. Her response was just to kiss him passionately showing him that he was wrong. They deserved each other.

She may have been inexperienced with men, but when Nathan proceeded to kiss his way down between the valley of her breasts, over her flat stomach and down to the light sprinkling of curls at the apex of her thighs, she knew what was coming next, and was surprised by how ready and filled with anticipation she was. She parted her thighs for him instinctively, and it brought a smile to his lips, knowing that she was happy for him to continue.

He placed soft kisses against her inner thighs and teased her by blowing air across her wet sex, causing her entire body to shiver. At the first flick of his tongue against her bundle of nerves, she felt a strange sensation run the length of her body. Sure, she'd read plenty of books and magazine articles explaining the wonder of sex and orgasms, but she had told herself that it was all over-rated. Now she conceded she had been wrong. Nathan continued his ministrations and before long, he felt her coming closer and closer to the edge, and began increasing his movements to push her higher.

Haley's breathing had become erratic, and thoughts of anything beside what her lover was doing to her, were blocked out by the incredible pleasure she was being given. It was building and she felt like if the pressure didn't stop, she'd explode. Suddenly, she felt her first orgasm wash over her, and a breathy moan escaped her lips before her tensed body relaxed as she came down from her high. When she next opened her eyes, Nathan was right beside her, smiling contentedly with just a hint of pride that he'd done this to her, for her. She couldn't help but smile back widely.

"Thank you, Ante. That was amazing." Her hand caressed his cheek, tenderly.

Nathan chuckled as he pulled her closer and then rolled on top causing her to squeal in delight. "Your welcome gorgeous. But you ain't seen nothin' yet." He kissed her passionately, pouring everything he felt for into that kiss.

After a few minutes, Haley felt herself become more and more aroused and knew that he was holding back a little, not wanting to push her too hard so she decided to take matters into her own hands… literally. She surprised him by rolling them both over so that he was on his back with her straddling his hips. She grabbed the condom that Nathan had taken out his wallet earlier and placed on her bedside table, and rolled it down his length. A giggle escaped when she saw the look of surprise on his face at her take charge attitude, and bent she down to kiss him thoroughly. She couldn't help but smile against his lips when he gasped when she took his hard length her hand and raised herself up to place him at her entrance.

They both pulled back to look in each others eyes, silently sharing their feelings of love and lust before she lowered herself onto him. It a little uncomfortable for a second or two, which she was expecting, what she wasn't expecting however, was to feel so full, and complete, like there had been a part of her missing all this time. She began to rock back and forth hesitantly, starting to feel a little self conscious, wondering if maybe she should have let Nathan take control.

He sensed her doubts and placed his hands gently on her hips and matched her rhythm. The sensations he felt were completely new to him. He had slept with many women, but it had never been this way before. It was like all of his senses were heightened and he would never be able to get enough of her. He noticed her rhythm increasing and was glad that she was following her instincts rather than worrying if she was doing the right thing.

When they were both nearing their climax, Nathan flipped them over and increased his thrusts. Reveling in their bodies being as close as possible, her legs quickly wrapped around his waist and her arms wound around his neck as though they could never be lose enough. He kissed her with everything he had and captured her cries as she fell over the edge, with him following right behind her until they both lay sated and breathless, one mass of glistening skin and tangled limbs.

Nathan rolled over, pulling her tight against him, her head resting on his chest as he stroked her back. There were no words to describe how they both felt in that moment. It was something they had never expected to feel, Nathan because he didn't know it was possible, and Haley because she never thought she would open herself up to a man that way.

Nathan could hear her breathing slow down and knew she was falling into a deep, contented sleep. He was determined to stay awake and enjoy the feel of her in his arms, but he soon felt his eyes drooping and before long he was on his way to joining her, but not before he heard the sleepy sigh "I love you".

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again to everyone who took the time to review. The story is just starting to really gear up now as you can tell from this chapter. If all goes to plan, the story will move back to the present in Chapter 6. I hope you liked this chapter, because I think it's one of my favourites and a lot of time was spent getting it just how I wanted. It was very emotionally draining, but I was happy with the result, so I figure it's all worth it. Please let me know what you think of this chapter and the story so far. I will hopefully have another update for you in a couple of days.**

**Lozz**


	5. Easier Said Than Done

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 5 – Easier Said Than Done**

* * *

_Year 2006_

Haley rolled over and nuzzled into the pillow beside her, reaching out for Nathan, but found nothing. She opened her eyes to see that the bed was empty and a wave of disappointment washed over her. Making her way downstairs in a bathrobe, Haley clung to the hope that Nathan was simply watching television or making breakfast, but the complete silence in the house gave her an indication that she was going to be even more disappointed. A search of the house found no Nathan Scott, and no note. He'd left, and Haley wanted to cry.

She made a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. Looking up she noticed the calendar which had today's date circled indicating the return of the newlyweds that very morning, and she realised they were due any minute. Haley smile with renewed hope, putting Nathan's disappearance down to not wanting either of them to have to explain his presence in the house so early in the morning. She would see him later at the welcome home party, and she simply couldn't wait.

* * *

Nathan lay on his bed thinking for the hundredth time that he'd made a huge mistake. Last night with Haley had been incredible, but it should never have happened. She was going back to London tomorrow and he was busy with his NBA career. He didn't have time for a serious relationship and he knew that long distance relationships never worked.

He felt as though he had taken advantage of her last night. She'd poured her heart and soul out to him about her traumatic experience in high school, she'd been vulnerable, lonely and looking for comfort and he'd taken her to bed. Of course, she wanted it as much as he did at the time, and probably didn't even regret it this morning, but when she realized that he couldn't offer her the type of relationship and commitment she needed, then she would feel hurt and used.

He had no idea what had come over him last night. Their love making was like nothing he'd ever experienced before and it scared the hell out of him. He hadn't just loved her with his body, he'd loved her with everything inside of him and when she sleepily uttered those three little words 'I love you', he had almost said them back to her… almost. He'd never told a woman he loved her before, not even Peyton. He'd never actually felt the need to, but even though it was different with Haley, he feared the consequences of admitting to himself just how deep his feelings for Haley ran, let alone admitting it to her.

"A clean break. It's the best thing." Nathan murmured to himself. He would make it clear to Haley today that what they shared last night, ended last night. It would hurt her, but in the long run would save them both a lot of heartache.

"Well doesn't this bring back memories"

Nathan bolted upright to find Peyton Sawyer standing in his doorway. He just stared at her like he was seeing a ghost. They hadn't spoken more than a couple of times since they graduated high school and she'd been out of the country and unable to attend the his brother's wedding.

"Peyton. It's so good to see you." He stood up and gave her a bone crushing hug. This was familiar and real and not in anyway scary. Just what he needed to forget about last night.

"You too Nate. It's been a long time." She smiled at her old high school boyfriend and it was like being carried back to that time when things were so much simpler. "I wanted to come and see you before the party started. I've really missed you Nate."

Nathan had no idea what took over him, but suddenly he was kissing her, crushing her body to his and what surprised him most was that she responded with fervor. It was like being back in high school, a teenage couple making out in his bedroom, and the familiarity of it was comforting.

Before long they were both stripped down to their underwear, limbs entangled in his sheets. Peyton had no idea what had come over them, but she was single, it had been so long since she'd been with a man and Nathan felt so good that she decided to let herself go. She felt his hands traveling her body and even though it was different between them because they were no longer together, her body reacted to his as though they'd never been apart.

Images of he and Haley kept flashing through Nathan's mind and he pushed them to the back, trying his best to forget about the night of love and passion they'd shared. Surely this would help block out the feel of her, smell of her, the taste of her. He groaned out loud just thinking about Haley and when Peyton's hands went for the band of his boxers, he was quickly jolted back to reality. He couldn't do this. He didn't want to use Peyton and he couldn't bare the thought of cheating on Haley. _Cheating?_ They weren't even a couple, but he still knew it was wrong.

He stilled her hand and sat up on the bed. "We can't do this Peyton. Things will just get weird, and I don't want that between us."

Peyton who was initially flustered and annoyed with Nathan's change in attitude, smiled at him thoughtfully. "You really have grown up, haven't you, Nate? You're right. We should just keep it strictly friends."

* * *

Brooke and Lucas' welcome home party was being held at the Scott residence. Deb had offered to host the party because she had a larger entertaining area than Karen, and she considered Brooke and Lucas to be like her own children.

The party had started half an hour ago and Haley had yet to see any sign of Nathan, which she found odd because he had been staying with Deb while in Tree Hill. She didn't want to just come out and ask if anyone had seen him because she felt as though they would somehow know what the two had shared the previous night. It brought a blush to her face just thinking about it. She never knew she could be that way, so wanton and full of passion.

Instead she found herself moving away from the party and into the Scott's lounge room where there were photographs scattered all around the room. She noted that there was no sign of Dan Scott anywhere and doubted that he would have been pictured in many of the photographs anyway. Just thinking of the way he had treated Nathan made her fists clench by her sides.

She noticed a picture of Nathan from his childhood where he was smiling unabashedly at the camera. His raven hair windswept and his azure blue eyes sparkling with mischief. She pulled the frame down from the mantle and gently traced the line of his face. She wished she had known him then and been able to shelter him from his father, or at least give him the confidence to know that he was better than his father let him believe. She wished she could have helped him keep that glorious smile and prevented it from turning into the cocky smirk he'd had plastered on his face all through high school. Although, the smirk was pretty sexy, she thought to herself with a smile.

"Haley?"

She spun around looking like a deer caught in headlights to find Deb smiling at her affectionately. "Hi Deb. I hope you don't mind, I just wanted to get away from the party for a bit.

"Of course not." Deb took the frame from Haley and smiled with love at the picture of her son. "He was such a happy boy back then. Even now that his father's not around to make his life miserable, he still doesn't seem happy. He needs something else in his life besides the money and celebrity."

Deb looked at Haley and smiled. "You'd be good for him, you know. I remember the way you used to look at him when you were younger and I always wished that he'd take notice of you because you're just the type of girl, sorry, woman who could turn his life around Haley."

Haley's face turned scarlet with embarrassment. She had no idea she'd be so transparent with her feelings for Nathan. All she could think to say was "He's a very special person Deb. I'm sure he'll find happiness."

Deb placed the picture back and hugged Haley affectionately. "He's up in his room. You should go say hi."

* * *

Haley made her way upstairs to see Nathan. She felt like there were a thousand butterflies flapping around in her stomach. She had no idea what to expect when she saw him. Would he be happy to see her? Would he regret last night and gently hint that it couldn't happen again? Would he be overcome with lust and take her again on his bedroom floor? She smiled at the last thought.

As she reached his door, she was about to knock when it opened from the inside. The smile on her face quickly disappeared when she found the none other than Peyton Sawyer who appeared disheveled with swollen lips, messy hair and was currently doing up the buttons on her top.

Haley swallowed the lump in her throat and took a deep breath before looking past Peyton and into the bedroom, already knowing in her heart what she would find, but hoping with every breath that she was wrong. But upon seeing Nathan sitting on the edge of his bed, pulling on a t-shirt, his hair in disarray, and the bed sheets tangled behind him, she knew that she had been right. Nathan had just slept with his ex-girlfriend. The woman who only just last night he'd admitted to loving.

Haley couldn't understand how she was still breathing. How was it possible that her heart was still beating when she knew for a fact he had just shredded it. He didn't even know she was there yet, had no idea how much he had hurt her and she wondered if she could escape without the humiliation of him seeing her there, knowing she now knew that she meant nothing to him. That last night when she had shared her heart, body and soul with him, he'd been in it for an easy lay. And how easy she had made it for him, beckoning him upstairs to her room. What a fool she had been!

"Oh My God. Haley James!" exclaimed Peyton before pulling her in for hug. She had always liked Peyton. She was Brooke's best friend in high school and had always treated Haley with respect, never making her feel invisible or inferior.

Nathan felt his blood run cold. This was what he wanted, for Haley to understand that there could be nothing more between them, but to find him in a compromising position like this, was not how he would have planned it. For her to believe that he slept with another woman after what they'd shared the night before. He looked over to the door and when his gaze met hers, he knew that's exactly what she thought. He saw her pain reflected in her eyes, before it was quickly wiped away and replaced with a blank stare. He could no longer tell what she was thinking at all, her emotions hidden away from view.

"Nathan? You remember Haley don't you? Brooke's little cousin." Haley's lips twitched in a wry smile. Peyton had hit the nail on the head, because that's exactly what she was to everyone here, including Nathan… just Brooke's little cousin.

He didn't know what to do or say. How on earth did he handle this situation? No matter what he did he could never make up for hurting her this badly, and in the end he'd gotten what he wanted. Haley James would leave here and forget all about him, she'd move on and meet someone who could make her happy, and that is what he wanted… isn't it?

"Yeah. Hi Haley." He said weakly as though she was an acquaintance he hadn't seen in years, not the woman who had shared her body with him hours earlier. Haley laughed sardonically and rolled her eyes before muttering "Whatever", and leaving his room.

Peyton had watched the whole scene with a curious eye. She moved over to the bed and sat down next to her friend. "What the hell was that, Nate?"

He sighed heavily and rubbed his face with his hands. "I fucked up." He said simply, looking at the carpet like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.

Peyton watched him suspiciously before realizing what was going on. "You fucked up, or you fucked Haley?" she demanded in the protective voice of an older sibling. She already knew the answer and she couldn't believe that Nathan would stoop that low. Haley wasn't like them, she'd always been so quiet and sensitive, she was never the kind of person to sleep with a man that she had no feelings for and Peyton doubted that had changed since high school.

Nathan's head snapped up and Peyton was taken aback by the glare he sent her. "Don't talk about us like that. We didn't' _fuck_. We…"

"Made love?" Peyton suggested, her tone softening as she realized that whatever he and Haley shared had affected him deeply.

"Yeah." He whispered, unable to believe he was having this conversation with his ex-girlfriend who he had almost just slept with.

"Well what happened here between us was a really dick move, Nathan. I can only imagine what is running through that poor girls head right now. You need to find her, set her straight about 'us' and apologise. Because she deserves better than this shit Nathan. This is not high school and she is not one of the slutty bimbos that used to throw themselves at you.

"I know. I will go find her soon, I just need a few minutes to process all of this. I'll see you later" Nathan lay back on his bed thinking about the best way to describe his feelings to Haley to make her understand that while they can't be together, what they shared meant a lot to him.

* * *

Haley placed her note for Brooke and Lucas on the kitchen table and locked up their house before handing her last suitcase to the cab driver. She hoped that her explanation of being able to get on an earlier flight and needing to get back for school would satisfy her cousin's curiosity about her early departure. Part of her felt bad for leaving this way, but the other part knew that she couldn't stay here for a second longer. Not with the chance of having to face him again.

She realised as the cab made its way to the airport that she hadn't shed a single tear, and for than, Haley was thankful because she didn't want to. Not for him. She'd wasted too many tears on men in her life. She had wasted too much of her life carrying around the hurt and shame of her rape, when she'd cried herself to sleep night after night, and she wouldn't let another man have that power over her again. It wasn't worth it.

Nathan Scott wasn't worth it. He had used her, and even though she acknowledged that he'd never promised her a happily ever after, he had given her every indication that what they were sharing was special and something that was new not just to her, but to him. This morning she'd even been thinking of the possibility of transferring colleges and finishing her degree in North Carolina so that she and Nathan could explore their feelings for one another. At least she had found out straight away that her feelings weren't reciprocated, before she'd made a huge mistake and changed her life around to accommodate him.

Now all she had to do was go back to England, focus on her studies and forget all about him. Yeah, right. She, of all people, knew that was easier said than done.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks again to all who have been reviewing. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. **

**I have gone back and made a few slight changes with the story as there seems to be some confusion for some readers regarding the timeline of the story. **

**The story takes place in 2007, however the first five chapters will mainly be about Nathan and Haley's first involvement / relationship a year earlier in 2006 after meeting at Brooke's wedding. **

**Dates will now be indicated to show the timeline in each chapter.**

**All chapters from now on should be in 2007 unless otherwise indicated. I hope this clears it up for you. **


	6. Breaking Down

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**PLEASE NOTE: The story is now back in the present in 2007. **

**Chapter 6 – Breaking Down**

* * *

_2007_

Even though she had managed to avoid having a real conversation with Nathan, Haley felt completely off balance. She couldn't believe that it was just over a year since she'd last seen him, although the painful memory of finding him with Peyton still haunted her as if it happened just yesterday.

So much had happened in that time and seeing him today brought it all back to the surface. Why did she think that she was strong enough to come here and hold herself together? Up until the point where she'd first laid eyes on him earlier, holding baby Mitchell before the baptism began, she'd had herself fooled that she could get through seeing him again without wanting to break down. But even more disturbing than the heartache of seeing him, was the realization that after everything, she really did still love him.

Haley could feel his unnerving gaze on her and she wished that her body would stop responding so intensely to it. Her body may have forgotten the hell she'd been through because of Nathan Scott, but her heart and her mind hadn't. She sneaked a look underneath her lashes and cursed under her breath at how devastatingly handsome he still was, standing there in his black dress pants and light blue button up shirt, with the top buttons undone exposing his lightly tanned chest.

He was standing among a group of men, probably Luke's friends pretending to be interested in their conversation, but she knew with every fiber of her being that he was concentrating solely on her. It was like their bodies were attuned with one another, and she wished to God she could stop feeling this way.

"Hales. Take Mitchell for a while would you?" Brooke handed the baby over to his Aunt and wandered off towards her husband. Haley had thought she would be fine today, fine with seeing Nathan, fine with seeing Mitchell, but she had spent the day avoiding both of them. How pathetic was that, steering clear of her own Nephew?! Brooke hadn't seemed to notice her cousin's subtle ways of getting out of the position of having to hold the baby, but Brooke being Brooke had just managed to force it upon her without a single protest.

She looked down at her nephew in her arms and couldn't help but smile at his wide eyed expression. He looked at her with curiosity before letting out a gurgling sound as he giggled and reached out to touch her face. He was so beautiful and she already loved him with all her heart, but that didn't help the knife-like pain that penetrated her heart every time she saw his cherubic little face. Well, she would just have to deal with it. Mitchell was family and she wanted him to know that she loved him and that he could count on her for anything her needed in the future. She really wanted to be a big part of his life.

"You're a natural."

Haley froze as soon as she heard Nathan's voice. Why now? Why, when she was trying so hard to connect with her nephew and push away the past? She didn't need Nathan bringing up painful memories for her. She slowly looked up with a blank expression on her face. She couldn't let him see the whirlwind of emotions currently clawing at her heart.

"Nathan." She could see the disappointment in his face at her surly acknowledgement of his presence.

"So. Are you happy to be back in the States?" He felt like a nervous schoolboy trying to find start a conversation with her, asking ridiculous questions when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and apologise for his stupidity.

Haley, who had recovered slightly from his surprise appearance, sighed and realized she was going to have to get used to putting up a front about being happy and comfortable in his presence, so she decided to begin right then.

"Yeah. It's good to be home, and I'm glad I'll get the opportunity to spend more time with this little one." She smiled at Mitchell who was still giggling happily at his Aunt. "You are just too precious, aren't you Mitch?"

She looked up to see Nathan staring at her intently. "What?"

He smiled slightly at her and said softly "You're going to make an amazing mother one day, Haley." And he meant it too. He could picture her years from now with a family full of children who all adored her gentle, giving nature. He could see himself there with her… ok, way to soon to be thinking that far ahead. He'd never considered himself a family man by any means. Too much of a risk turning out like his own father.

He knew he'd said something wrong when he saw her face fall and the unshed tears gleam in her eyes. She quickly placed the baby in his arms and without a word bolted into the house as if the hounds of hell were at her feet.

"What the hell was that?" he asked out loud only to have Mitchell start bawling in his arms.

Haley ran straight up the stairs and into her room and was thankful that she'd been able to avoid Brooke or anyone else who would have questioned her distraught behavior. She was also grateful that she'd managed to hold the tears in until she had some privacy, but now, all alone in her room she couldn't control the sobs that wracked her body. That horrible, familiar feeling of emptiness overwhelmed her, leaving her feeling like a hollow shell.

When would it go away? When would she be able to get through a single day without feeling like a part of her was missing that she could never get back? The thing that scared her the most was that it was beginning to feel like she would never get over it. That this was how her life was always going to be, and that was why she'd decided to come back to Tree Hill, because at least having Brooke around was a comfort she never had in London.

"Hales?"

The genuine concern in Nathan's voice was enough to send her into another bout of sobs. Had it really been that long since anyone had cared about her, offered her support when she was low and fallen too far into despair, further than she thought it possible to claw her way back from?

Nathan's frown deepened as Haley lifted her head and he saw her red rimmed, puffy eyes and the pain and hopelessness that they held. What on earth had happened to make her this way? He was glad now that he had decided to go after her and hand little Mitchell over to his father. He hated the thought of her being this distressed and alone, but then he remembered how her life had always been that way. She had always seemed to be alone in her darkest days.

He made his way over to the bed and pulled her into his warm embrace, happy when she nuzzled into him further, obviously seeking his comfort. She shook slightly as her pain and misery was released from her body. After about half an hour of simply holding her close and stroking her hair while he waited for her to speak, she finally pulled back. Her eyes were glazed over as though she wasn't even there and didn't really know he was there with her either.

He stroked her face gently, forcing her look at him.

"Nathan?"

Haley saw him there holding her hand and looking extremely concerned which brought her out of her daze. Sometimes, after a bout of crying, she found that she had gone into her own little world to escape from the reality of it all. It's like a flip was switched and the outside world ceased to exist. She was locked inside herself to deal with pain that never seemed to leave her.

"I'm here Haley. I'm right here. You're ok." He whispered softly, reassuringly.

He felt her choke back another sob. "No. I'm not ok. It's never going to be ok."

His mind was whirling with possibilities. At first he had thought that maybe she was upset about seeing him again after the way things ended, but seeing her like this, he knew it had to be something far more serious. It was like she was broken inside. Had someone hurt her… _again?_ The thought tore him up inside and he wanted to kill whoever had broken her this way.

"Hales? Please tell me what's wrong. What happened?"

She wanted to tell him. He deserved to know everything. She wanted him to know, but her mind just couldn't manage to put all the pieces together. It was like a puzzle that hadn't been put back together properly. She didn't know where to start. That feeling of sorrow, emptiness and despair hit her even stronger this time and she felt the tears come back again.

"I want him back Nathan. Why can't I have him back?"

Nathan was confused and couldn't make sense of her words. Who was she talking about? He selfishly hoped to God she hadn't met another man.

"I don't understand Haley. What are you talking about?" He saw the pain and desperation in her eyes and pulled her back into his embrace. He felt so useless, unable to stop whatever it was that was eating away at her.

"My baby. I want my baby back" Her cry was overwhelmingly anguished

Nathan was in shock from her statement. Haley has a baby? Or _had_ a baby? When did this happen? All sorts of things ran through his mind. His earlier fear returned with a vengeance. Did she have a boyfriend back in England? That made his heart clench with jealousy, which he felt ashamed for. It was not the time for him to be possessive over her right now. It was definitely not what she needed.

Was it possible that Haley hadn't told him the whole truth about her rape? Did she actually get pregnant from her sexual assault? Maybe being around Mitchell had just brought her repressed feelings back to the surface. Did that mean she had an abortion? God, he hated the thought of her dealing with that alone when she was so young.

He wondered if he should just wait for her to open up, or if he should coax it out of her. He felt that it was for her to talk about it, so he decided to prod her gently, letting her know he was listening if she wanted to talk.

"What happened, Haley? What happened to your baby?"

She pulled away from him and stood up from the bed. He was worried that he'd gone too far asking her to talk about it, but then she turned to face him. "I'm sorry Nathan. I'm so sorry." Her whisper so soft it almost didn't reach his ears.

He stood up and went to her, lifting her chin so that she would look him in the eyes. There was so much regret there… and guilt? "It's ok. You haven't done anything wrong."

Haley looked at him for what felt like an eternity before she pushed him away, her distress seeming to have increased. She walked to the other side of the room, unable to face him. The guilt that had been eating away at her had now made its way to the surface and she didn't feel like she was ready to tell him. She couldn't think straight, all she knew was that she was always alone, and sometimes it seemed like she was the problem, like she was at fault.

Nathan watched as she slowly turned to face him, her eyes haunted and skin sallow. "It's my fault. Everyone I love dies. They all leave." She took another deep breath, finding it difficult to breathe at all.

"Hales. That's not true. You know it's…"

But Nathan was quickly cut off by her words. "It's my fault he died, Nathan. I lost our baby. I lost our son."

* * *

**_A/N: Thank you for the wonderful response to the last chapter and for the story in general. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry it has taken almost a week to update, but I've struggled to find time to work on it. _**

_**Thanks again**_

_**Lorilozz **_


	7. Finding Comfort

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realises his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 7 - Finding Comfort**

* * *

"_It's my fault he died, Nathan. I lost our baby. I lost our son."_

Nathan slumped down onto the bed, his mind reeling from her confession.

Our baby.

Our son.

He'd had a son. How was this possible? Why hadn't she told him? He thought back to their night together a year ago and marveled at how that one amazing experience had resulted in new life. New life made from him and from Haley. And now their child was… dead?

The fog over Haley's mind cleared as soon as she watched Nathan fall apart in front of her. He was now sitting on the bed, his head in his hands and judging by the way he was beginning to shake, she knew he was crying.

She took a deep breath and walked over to sit next to him. What she really wanted to do was curl up and sleep, but Nathan needed her. She had at least had time to process and try to deal with the fact that they had lost their child, but Nathan had only just found out about the baby's existence as well as his death. Sure, Nathan had hurt her terribly and part of her wished she would never have to see him again, but she also loved him and seeing him in pain was too much for her to bear.

"Nathan?" Her hand gently rubbed his back in a soothing motion, as she fought valiantly to stop her own tears. She was going to be strong for him and give him all the answers she knew he would seek.

Nathan stared up at her through anguished eyes. Half of him was glad that she was there with him, comforting him, but the other half was distraught and angry that he was only just being told about of all this. He couldn't believe she had kept it from him.

"I need to know, Haley. What happened? Did you get an.."

Haley gasped audibly, retracting her hand from his back as though he'd burned her. "God, no. Nathan I could never do that." Her exclamation held so much conviction that he knew she was telling the truth and he was immediately relieved.

Haley began to cry again softly but she knew that he needed her to explain everything. She had to be strong enough to get through this conversation.

"I realised I was pregnant two months after I got back to London. I think somewhere deep down inside I knew even before then, but I was ignoring the signs, you know? It was just too scary to contemplate. After I skipped my second period I went to the doctors and they confirmed it."

"Why didn't you tell me Haley? I had a right to know."

His words were harsher than he intended and he felt guilty when she flinched, but this was so overwhelming for him that he immediately reverted to his regular form of defense when protecting himself, and that was to go on the offensive.

She glared at him sharply. Haley understood that he had a right to be upset, but after everything she'd been through and the way he had treated her, she wasn't going to put up with being spoken to that way. She at least deserved the right to explain herself and exactly what happened.

"I planned on telling you Nathan, but it was hard to get up the courage to contact you after you basically discarded me like a useless piece of trash. Even a "thanks for the shag, maybe we can do it again sometime" would have been better than you fucking me and then moving on to your ex-girlfriend hours later. You broke my heart Nathan and having to tell you that I was pregnant was one of the hardest things for me to do, so I'm sorry if I had a little trouble getting around to it!"

Haley had ended her rant close to yelling, and stopped to calm down for a moment. Nathan looked like he was about to say something, but she spoke again before he could get a word in.

"Do you understand how much stress I was under trying to figure out the best way to talk to you. I mean, it's not like I could see you face to face. An email or a letter would have been best for me, but that wouldn't have been fair to you, so that basically left me with the option of calling you, which I didn't think was the best way to tell you anyway. How do you call a guy you've loved basically all of your life, a guy who doesn't care about you, and tell him that you're carrying his child? I know I can pretty naïve sometimes, but I'm not stupid and I know it's every guy's nightmare finding out they knocked up some random girl."

Nathan knew he'd hurt her, but he would never have guessed just how much until she laid her feelings out for him. She had been in love with him. Why did he find it so surprising when he now knew he'd loved her too? God he'd made such a mess of things.

"You were never some random girl Haley, and I do care for you… more than you could ever know."

Haley rolled her eyes, not buying his words for a second. If he really cared for her he never would have used her and then moved on to Peyton the way he did.

"Really? You could have fooled me, Nathan, because the way you treated me after we made love… sorry, after we _fucked_, sure as hell didn't leave me feeling all that special. I felt more like a play thing… a whore!

It was obvious how hurt and angry she was with him, and he hated the tension between them so he decided to take a chance and reached out, grabbing hold of her hand. "We did make love Haley. It was amazing and an experience like I've never had before. It was beautiful." He hoped his sincerity would come across clearly to her.

Haley wanted to believe him, desperately wanted to, but that hurt, insecure part of her wouldn't let it happen. She scoffed loudly in protest to his declaration and even though he found it disheartening, he was comforted by the fact that she hadn't withdrawn her hand from his.

He lifted her face to his so she could look into his eyes and see how very sorry he was. "I know I treated you badly and there's no excuse for that. All I can say is that I was scared by these completely new feelings I had for you. I just… it was too much for me to handle and I'm sorry that I acted the way I did."

Haley sighed, knowing he was being honest with her but still unable to put aside the hurt she'd suffered at the time and in the year since. "It doesn't matter now. It's in the past and that's where it needs to stay. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Nathan held her hand tighter, not wanting her to run away from their conversation or from him. "I understand that, Haley, but I have a right to know what happened. Please tell me what happened to our baby."

Knowing she wouldn't be able to utter the words if he was looking into her eyes. She didn't want to see his pain. She looked down at the intertwined fingers, amazed at how perfect they looked. How can being with Nathan still feel so good and so right? She wasn't sure, but it did give her the strength she needed to go on. "I miscarried."

Nathan's heart clenched at the thought. It was so unfair. Unfair to their unborn child, and unfair to Haley who had already been through so much more than anyone should have to face in a lifetime.

"Jesus. I'm so sorry Haley. I wish I had have been there for you. I know how much you wanted to have a family of your own one day."

She nodded slowly, inwardly glad that Nathan understood how much their baby meant to her. He had obviously really listened to her when she talked about how badly she dealt with her parents death and then living with the Davis'. Of course Brooke had been wonderful, but Haley had never felt like she had a proper family, and it was her goal to one day have a family of her own.

"I was so happy Nathan. I had just started showing and it was all becoming so real, you know?"

She unconsciously lowered her free hand to her stomach and a small smile played on her lips as she remembered how content she had felt back then.

"I rented a new apartment with an extra bedroom and I was in the process of setting up a nursery. Things seemed to be going so well and I was feeling better about contacting you, I was even considering flying out here for a week to give you the news and to tell Brooke and Lucas."

He couldn't help but think about what that would have been like. Haley showing up, visibly pregnant and telling him he was going to be a father. He knew he most likely would have freaked out about it, but he also knew that there would have been a small part of him that was happy they had created a life together. That she would be connected to him forever.

"Even though I was only half way through my pregnancy, I already felt like a mum." She smiled to herself, rubbing her belly ever so slightly, and the small action made Nathan smile. She chuckled, thinking about how excited she had been. "I would even sing to him at night. Sometimes it would be a lullaby, others just a song off the radio and those were the happiest moments of my life.

"Him?" Nathan hadn't missed her comments referring to their baby as a boy.

"A week earlier my doctor had told me I was having a boy. Originally I wanted to wait and make it a surprise, but I gave in because I couldn't take the suspense any longer. I felt love and pride and an overwhelming need to protect my son. I just can't describe how much it changed me."

Nathan noticed her lip beginning to tremble and before long her tears followed. Emotions were running high for both of them and seeing Haley upset again just set him off, unable to stop the tears falling from his own eyes.

Haley brushed the wetness from her cheeks and upon seeing the state Nathan was in, she tenderly reached over and wiped his tears away too. She had no idea where the action came from, but the surprised, grateful look on his face was enough for her to know that she did the right thing.

"I was working on the nursery when it happened." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I feel so guilty. I know now that I was being careless and overdoing things. The guy at the store warned me not to do everything myself, but no, I had to be independent. I was painting the ceiling when I fell off the step ladder. It wasn't even very far to fall, but as soon as I hit the ground, I felt this pain in my womb and I was losing him, but because I had hit my head when I fell there wasn't enough time for me to do anything before I blacked out and when I woke up I was in the hospital."

Nathan could see how hard it was for her to recount this story to him, although he was pretty sure she had relived it in her head a hundred times over. Without even knowing he'd done it, he found himself gently rubbing soothing circles on her back.

"Apparently one of the neighbors heard me fall and when they noticed there was no more noise from the apartment and that I wasn't answering the door, they called the police. I'd already lost the baby by the time the ambulance came.

The way that Nathan was treating her with such affection was breaking through the carefully constructed walls around her heart. She wasn't supposed to feel like this around him anymore. She was supposed to hate him, but she couldn't. A sudden surge of feelings and emotions flowed through her. There was still so much pain and anguish inside of her and for some insane reason she couldn't understand, Nathan seemed to be making her feel better. His touch was like some sacred, healing power, chasing away her pain and she didn't want him to ever stop.

"Please don't blame yourself Haley. It was an accident and I can't stand the though of you feeling guilty about this."

She looked up into his eyes and was taken aback by the strength of his emotions shining from within. Haley knew he was hurting like she was, but there was love and even a little lust in his darkened eyes. It took her breath away as her skin began to tingle with a wanting she remembered from that night a year ago. Her body wanted him, hell, she wanted him and even though she knew it would be a mistake, she didn't care. Anything that would take away her pain even for one night was worth it.

Nathan didn't know what was happening to him, but one moment he was hurting and concerned for her and the next he thought he would explode if he couldn't have her. Nathan saw the different emotions playing across her face and was surprised when she moved in to place her soft lips against his. It was hesitant, but needy and when he responded, she deepened the kiss until they were both breathless and needing air.

They stared into each others eyes, trying to read the others thoughts on the situation. Nathan cupped her face gently. "Are you sure you want this Haley? Because I can leave right now and pretend this never happened if that's what you want."

"I need you tonight, Nathan. I need you to make it stop. Just make it all stop."

He knew it was risky and that she would probably go back to hating him in the morning, but her pleading words gave him no choice. He would do anything to help her, even if she only wanted him for this one night. He knew he needed her just as much as she needed him, and maybe this could help them both. Maybe if he was lucky this could be the first step towards him winning her love back.

It was frantic, needy and passionate, nothing like the slow, lovemaking of their first time together. Nathan's deep thrusts were frenzied and desperate, almost painful for Haley, and her nails clawing at his back were drawing blood, but the mixture of pleasure and pain drove them both wild. This was what they needed, a form of release for all the tension they were holding in. And when they both finally came together, Haley screaming his name and Nathan answering it with a guttural moan, neither cared that the other guests may have heard them. They were in their own world where no one else mattered.

Sweaty and panting for breath, Nathan pulled Haley to him, kissing her thoroughly before they both fell asleep, a tangled mess of limbs, for even in their sleep, the couple held on to each other desperately, as though letting go would cause this bubble of comfort to shatter around them.

Nathan woke up hours later feeling oddly bereft. It wasn't until he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings that he remembered what had happened with Haley. His eyes did a quick sweep of the room and found no sign of her. Only his clothes lay scattered on the floor.

He sighed, rolling over onto her pillow to breath in her scent when he felt something scratchy tickling his nose. Upon closer inspection he found a note, its few words breaking his heart.

_This was a mistake. I'm sorry._

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews everyone. You guys have been really great supporting the story and motivating me to write more. I'm sorry the updates aren't as regular as my other stories, but they were all planned out perfectly beforehand, where as this story has already changed so much from my original plan that I'm sort of winging it at the moment. Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought of this chapter.**_

_**Thanks**_

_**Lorilozz**_


	8. Breathe In Now

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters. **

**Song 'Breath In Now' by Australian band 'George'**

**Chapter 8 – Breathe In Now**

* * *

Nathan walked determinedly to his brother's front door. He knew that Haley was supposed to be there for dinner tonight and seeing as though she'd successfully avoided him for almost two weeks he decided it was definitely time for them to talk.

"Nathan? Hi. What are you doing here?" Brooke was surprised to find her brother in law on her footstep.

"Hi Brooke. Just wanted to drop by and see my nephew." Her smile widened at the mention of her son.

She let him in and he followed her into the kitchen where Haley and Lucas were laughing and talking while setting the table. He felt shivers go down his spine at the sound of her melodic voice. Lucas noticed him first and when he spoke Nathan's name, Haley froze, her spine straightening like a ruler. She didn't turn around, simply kept placing the cutlery on the table.

Brook and Lucas shared puzzled expressions as Nathan watched Haley longingly and she continued to ignore his presence. She knew it was childish but she couldn't find another way to deal with the situation.

"Hi Haley." Nathan said in the most casual tone he could muster.

Sighing softly, she turned around, unable to ignore him now that he had spoken to her directly. She still couldn't seem to meet his gaze, but muttered a quick greeting before running off to check on Mitchell.

"What the hell was that?" Lucas asked warily. When Nathan simply shrugged his shoulders, Brooke suggested that they go play some ball at the river court and she would make sure there was some dinner left for them when they came back.

"Sounds good. But don't worry about dinner for me. I don't think I'll be coming back." Nathan kissed Brooke's cheek affectionately and asked her to give Mitchell a kiss for him too before he and Lucas left a very suspicious Brooke who was intent on getting some answers.

"It's ok. You can come out now, he's gone." Brooke deadpanned as she watched Haley sitting on the rocking chair in Mitchell's nursery just staring out at the back yard. Haley was startled and spun around nearly falling out of the chair.

"That obvious huh?"

"Only to anyone with eyes or ears."

Haley laughed, loving the way Brooke always seemed to be able lighten a tense situation with a joke.

"I'm sorry Brooke. He's Luke's brother and Mitchell's uncle. I shouldn't have been so rude."

Brooke frowned and went to sit in the chair next to Haley, grasping her hands. "Nathan's a big boy. I'm sure he'll be fine. I'm more worried about you. What's going on between the two of you?"

Haley blushed, not used to talking about sex or relationships with anyone, even though she'd had to sit through Brooke's thorough recounts of her high school sex-capades constantly as a teenager.

"You slept with him" her cousin stated knowingly. "God. When did you even have time when all you've done is avoid him since you came back?" After a few moments of silence, the truth dawned on Brooke. "Oh! Was it when we were on our honeymoon last year?"

Haley looked up guiltily even though she had anything to be ashamed of. "That was the first time, yes."

Brooke's eyes bulged out of her head. If she hadn't been so tied up in knots about the whole situation, Haley might have laughed at her cousin's comical expression.

"Look, it was a mistake. It probably won't happen again."

Brooke scoffed. "Probably won't happen again? You sound real sure there Hales. Besides, once is a mistake, twice is something else altogether."

Haley sighed. "Look. They were both mistakes. The second time was after the baptism and we'd had a fight, emotions were high, we both got upset and one thing led to another."

Brooke couldn't help the smirk that stretched across her face. "Was it good? I always wondered if I chose the wrong brother"

Haley gasped before realizing that Brooke was joking and just trying to get a rise out of her. When she couldn't take any more of her cousin's harping, Haley finally caved.

"Oh, for God's sake! You are the most annoying woman on the planet you know that? Ok, fine. It was good. Great. Amazing!"

Brooke jumped up excitedly, clapping her hands but soon calmed down when she realized she might wake her son. "Do you know what this means? We could be sisters-in-law! How cool is that?"

Haley just sat there with her mouth gaping open. Trust Brooke to take a situation and completely twist it around until it suited her fairytale ending! She would just pretend that her heart wasn't fluttering at the thought of that fairytale. "So not going to happen."

"Why?" Brooke pouted childishly

"Because Nathan and I aren't meant to be. I already told you it was a mistake…" Even as she said the words she knew she didn't believe them. Nathan was the love her life, she just wasn't so sure if she was the love of his.

"Two mistakes!" Brooke jumped in to protest

"Ugh, fine! Two mistakes. But I won't be making those mistakes again. I'm pretty certain it's not serious for him, and I'd rather let it go now than get my heart broken." Haley's sadness shone through and Brooke wondered how she hadn't noticed it before.

"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Haley nodded. "But it doesn't change anything. And I don't want to talk about it anymore." The conversation was making her head and her heart hurt. She wasn't ready to reveal the truth about their baby yet and holding it inside was so painful.

"Ok. Enough of this mope-fest. I'm going to call Karen and get her to look after Mitchell. You and I are going out for a night on the town!"

Haley smiled at her cousin's enthusiasm and appreciated the attempt to cheer her up. "Night on the town? So I guess we're going to Tric." Her words dripping with good natured sarcasm.

Brooke slapped her arm playfully. "Shut up. Not every place can be as exciting as London. Now let's eat our dinner and get ready to paaaartay"

Haley laughed at her antics and could already tell that a night out would do her good. She might actually have a chance of forgetting about Nathan for a few hours.

* * *

"Ok. Spill" Lucas took the ball out of his brother's hands so he would have to pay attention to him. They had been playing for almost an hour and Nathan's game was completely off, with Lucas winning two games of one on one, something he hadn't done against Nathan since high school.

"Can't we just keep playing?" Nathan asked hopefully, knowing he was fighting a losing battle. Brooke had really rubbed off on her husband and Lucas now had her ability to drag the truth out of people through sheer annoyance.

"No. I want to know what's going on between you and Haley." Lucas noticed Nathan's eyes drop to the ground and his body tense. "What did you do?"

Nathan looked up sharply. "Why do you automatically think it's me that did something?"

Luke just gave him a 'do you really want me to answer that?' look.

"Ok, so maybe it was my fault to begin with, but the second time was her."

"You're sleeping with her?! I can't believe this. Haley isn't like the women you're used to Nathan, she deserves better than to be used like some cheap lay."

Nathan grabbed his brother by the collar and stared angrily into his eyes. "I wasn't using her. Don't fucking talk about her like that."

Lucas dropped the ball and put up his hands in surrender. "Ok, ok. Explain it to me then."

They both sat down on the bench before Nathan explained how their relationship had begun a year ago and how he felt after their first time together, what had happened at his mum's house a the day after and then the events a year later at the baptism, ending with how she had avoided him since that day when she had snuck out on him. He didn't, however, mention anything about Haley getting pregnant or losing the baby. That was somehow private, just between the two of them.

"Damn. You've really got it bad."

Nathan's head dropped into his hands tiredly. He felt emotionally exhausted, being unable to cope with how he was feeling. "I just don't know what to do. How do I get her to understand that I really like her and it wasn't a mistake. Not for me anyway."

Luke patted him on the back supportively. "Well, you should probably start by setting her straight about the whole Peyton thing. What you did that day was still shitty, but she needs to know you didn't sleep with her. Just talk it out with Haley and see what happens."

"If I can get anywhere near her without her running off."

Lucas' phone alerted him to a new text message from Brooke.

_Taking Haley to Tric tonight at 9pm. Make sure Nathan is there._

_Love your sexy wife_

Lucas chuckled, thinking how he should have known that Brooke would have already stuck her nose in the situation and come up with a plan.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I'm heading home. Be ready at quarter to eight. We're going out."

Nathan shook his head about to refuse when Lucas added teasingly "Haley's going to be there."

The grin that spread across his brother's face made Lucas smile. He knew right then and there that whatever Nathan felt for Haley, it was real and different to anything he'd had with any other girl before her.

* * *

"I don't know if I can do this Brooke." Haley looked herself up and down in the green room mirror. Brooke had somehow managed to talk her into performing a song, saying that she needed to expand her horizons and do something a little daring to get out of her funk.

"Of course you can. You're going to be amazing… and you look hot!"

Her long blonde hair hear hung in loose waves around her shoulders and down her back which was bare due to the red low-back halter top she was wearing. The rest of her outfit consisted of form fitting black pants and sky high black spiky heeled boots.

Haley actually had to agree with Brooke. She felt surprisingly sexy in the outfit combined with smoky eyes and minimal jewellery. Brooke had raided her own closet and loaned her more demure cousin a more daring outfit that was sure to wow Nathan... not to mention every other male at the club. If everything went according to plan, she'd have the couple together by the end of the night.

After Brooke left the room, Haley sat in front of the mirror and let her thoughts wander. She was fighting an internal battle. She had almost managed to convince herself that she was definitely going to forget about Nathan, but then when Brooke had told her she would be performing tonight and that Nathan was coming along, a particular song had instantly come to mind. A song she had written last year about the two of them. About embracing life, taking chances, learning to rely on other people and believing in them. Was she ready to believe in him?

* * *

Peyton entered the club excited about seeing him. She knew she shouldn't be. Knew that what they had was casual and that it could very possibly be over since she'd been out of the country for over a month and neither of them had made definite plans to continue their affair when she came back. But she couldn't help the way she felt. She had been unable to stop herself from falling in love with him all over again and tonight she was determined to see if he felt he could fall in love with her again too.

After getting a drink from the bar, she began searching the room and within second her eyes locked onto his. He seemed shocked to see her, but she wasn't sure if it was a good or bad surprise in his mind. Oh, well, there was nothing she could do except go to him.

"Peyton? I had no idea you were back." Nathan's voice was slightly strangled and he seemed almost nervous. Maybe he was nervous because he too felt more for her and wasn't sure how to broach the subject. She wasn't usually a 'glass half full' girl, but she seemed to change around him and everything became brighter and better.

She hugged him tightly, the embrace lasting a little longer than necessary, and a blush crept up her cheeks when she realized that Lucas was with him eying them both warily. Nobody had know about their brief, although steamy little affair before she'd gone on her photo shoot in Mexico. Peyton had studied photography at University and became a freelance photographer, loving her job and the chance to experience different places and cultures.

"Hi Nate. I just got back today and was hoping you might be out tonight. I could do with a few good drinks and some stimulating company." She hadn't meant it to come out in such a suggestive way, but from his reaction she realized exactly how she had sounded.

"Oh. Well, sit down with us and tell us how the shoot went." Lucas felt the need to break the silence as his brother struggled to respond. He didn't know what was going on, but he had a strong suspicion that Nathan and Peyton had been seeing each other recently. He hoped he was wrong because if Nathan had any chance with Haley the last thing he needed was an ex-girlfriend in the picture.

Peyton told them both all about her trip and how great the experience was, all the while trying to get up the courage to speak to Nathan alone about the possibility of becoming more than casual, of actually making their 'relationship' official.

She was just about to ask him to take a walk with her when Brooke rushed up to the table with her usual gusto. "Peyton! It's so good to see you."

"You too Brooke. I had no idea you were here, I thought you must have been at home with Mitchell."

"Grandma Karen to the rescue. I'm a free woman tonight!" Brooke wiggled her eyebrows suggestively

"Hey!" Lucas protested

Brooke laughed. "Well, I would be free if I could get rid of this husband of mine."

Lucas pulled her down onto his lap playfully before the couple started a mini make out session. Peyton giggled at them, happy to see her friends so in love. It gave her hope that maybe she and Nathan would have that one day. She turned to find Nathan looking distracted and agitated and wondered what was wrong with him.

When the couple pulled apart there was an uncomfortable silence and Peyton decided to break it. "I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the baptism. Was it a good day?"

"Stop apologizing about that Peyt. We understand that it was an important job for you. And yes, it was a great day, wasn't it Nate?" Brooke smiled at Nathan, knowing that he would be thinking about Haley.

"Huh? Oh, yeah it went well." Nathan's distraction wasn't missed by any of them at the table, although they all had their different ideas as to the cause of his strange behavior. Peyton hoped he was just anxious to speak with her in private, Brooke knew he was tense about seeing Haley, and Lucas suspected he was nervous that Haley would find out about his relationship with Peyton.

There was no way any of his friends could comprehend what was running through his mind at that moment. Nathan had completely forgotten all about his brief fling with Peyton as soon as Haley had come back to town. He felt like a bit of an ass for not thinking about her at all, but what they had was casual. For him, it basically amounted to six weeks of sharing a 'friends with benefits' relationship, however he had to admit that he had begun to suspect that it meant a little more to Peyton towards the end. The last night they spent together, her whole demeanor had changed, she was more tender than passionate, so he had decided to try and nip it in the bud. He made sure not to make any commitment to begin seeing each other again when she returned and resolved that they would go back to being just friends again. He cared about her, they had been friends for years and lovers as well, but he knew he could never love her the way he did Haley.

At that time he'd had no idea that Haley was actually moving back to Tree Hill, not finding out until the day before the Christening, and it was strange because he had begun to feel guilty, like he'd cheated on Haley with Peyton, even though he had no idea that he would ever have a chance to be with Haley again.

The lights dimmed and a spotlight lit up the stage where one of the staff members stood with a microphone.

"Hi everyone. As you all know, on occasion we have some of our regulars come on stage and perform for us. Well tonight, we have someone who grew up in Tree Hill, but has spent the last few years overseas and has just recently moved back to our fine town. Please welcome the very beautiful and very talented, Haley James!"

"Haley's performing?" Nathan asked in wonder. He had never had the pleasure of watching her perform before.

"Haley's back to stay?" Peyton asked softly, her tone full of resignation and sadness. Now she knew exactly why Nathan had been acting strangely all evening. She had thought that Haley was coming over for the baptism and would be long gone before she returned from Mexico, but now she knew differently. Now everything was different. Her sad eyes flickered over to Nathan who was watching the stage intently with wonder, longing and desire. He had never looked at her that way and in that moment her hopes were destroyed. Nathan would never be hers.

* * *

Haley was edgy as hell walking out on that stage and wasn't sure if anything could take her mind off her nerves. She had performed many times over the past few years, but this was different. This song was for Nathan, showing him how she felt and telling him that there was still hope for them.

She was feeling confident about her decision. Nathan made her feel something she had never known existed, something that brightened her day, made her heart skip a beat and made the world seem beautiful. She and Nathan shared a connection and understood each other. They'd both had difficult childhoods, hiding their pain from others and for some reason, were able to ease that pain when they were together. It would be cowardly to walk away from him because she was afraid of getting hurt again. She had to believe that he wouldn't hurt her a second time.

She sat at the piano, took a few moments to calm herself and began to play.

_I see love and beauty all around_

_I also see the sadness that's embedded in your frown_

_I wonder why you choose not to talk to those who surround_

_I sense a fear of lifting heavy feet, higher than you want to_

_I just want to believe your truth_

_You stand there but you do not cast a shadow_

_You walk way with every word you choose not to say_

_I suppose that moving on paints a new color for each day_

_I don't like to see dreams put on the shelf_

_To deal with on that one day_

_I just want to be happy for you_

Nathan knew deep within himself that she was singing for him…for them. She was singing for both of them, describing how they had struggled to deal with their pain while hiding it from their friends and family. It touched his heart that she knew him so well when they had had so little time together. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but he was beginning to believe that Haley thought there was a chance for them to work out.

He watched in awe as she prepared herself for the chorus, her eyes still closed, obviously ready to sing her little heart out.

'_Cause I only have one second, this minute today_

_I can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now_

_And so this moment I just have to sing out loud_

_And say I love, I like and breathe in now_

_And say I love, I live and breathe in _

_I move on holding on to what I learn_

_It's time to let go of the notion_

_That whole world's against me_

_Break free of shackles, that formed young_

_Time free in now, and now I know_

_It's not all up to me, I can count on another_

_So move on lighter and be free…_

'_Cause I only have one second, this minute today_

_I can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now_

_And so this moment I just have to sing out loud_

_And say I love, I like and breathe in now_

_And say I love, I live and breathe in now_

_I believe in for today, I just want to know that you're okay_

'_Cause I believe in breathing just for today_

_I just want to know that you're okay_

Haley opened her eyes, immediately settling them on Nathan who was smiling at her with such hope. Her heart gave a little tug and she couldn't help the smile that graced her own face, not even hearing the applause from the audience, she focused solely on him.

The sell soon broke however, as she noticed the beautiful blond at his side. The memories that seeing Peyton evoked, caused Haley to look away abruptly, crashing back to reality as she questioned her earlier decision of giving Nathan another chance.

* * *

**_A/N: Once again, thank you so much to all the readers and especially to the amazing reviewers. I appreciate you taking the time to support my story. _**

**_Some of you will no doubt be disappointed that Haley was so quick to forgive Nathan, but I think for someone as stubborn and vulnerable as Haley, it's actually harder to give someone a second chance than to walk away from them._**

**_Thanks_**

_**Lorilozz**_


	9. Confrontation

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 9 – Confrontation**

* * *

Haley couldn't help but think about what a sad and pathetic person she'd become. Crying over a guy who barely knew she existed most of her life and then when he gave her the slightest bit of attention she went and fell in love with him, expecting he would do the same. He had treated her like garbage and then even after a year had gone by, within half an hour of being alone with him, she'd let him in again. Her performance tonight symbolized her opening up and giving him another shot and yet again she was left feeling hurt and disappointed.

Seeing Nathan and Peyton there together, as comfortable and familiar as only lovers could be, had twisted her heart until she felt as though she couldn't breathe. She'd excused herself from the stage as calmly as she could before fleeing here to the green room where she could let herself break down without the humiliation of letting Nathan know he'd done this to her… again.

She heard the door open and inwardly cursed herself for not making sure she locked the door behind her. She closed her eyes and remained silent, hoping her unwanted visitor would get the hint and leave.

"Haley?"

Her head jerked up and she looked in the mirror at the person who'd called her name, the last person she wanted to see right now.

"Please, just go away. I really don't have anything to say to you, so just leave." Haley knew her words were harsh and uncalled for but at that moment she didn't have the energy to be polite.

"Retract the claws okay? We need to talk."

Haley spun around in her chair and glared. "And what on earth would we need to talk about Peyton. We're not friends."

Peyton flinch a little. Having always thought of Haley as a little sister, it hurt to hear her say that they weren't even friends. Sure they hadn't kept in touch over the years, but she had always looked out for Brooke's younger cousin and stepped in to play referee when the two would have one of their rare arguments.

"You may not consider me your friend Haley, but I still consider you mine."

Haley could hear the hurt in her voice and immediately regretted her snappy remarks. It wasn't Peyton's fault that Nathan wanted the tall leggy blond rather than her. She probably had no idea that Nathan had ever deigned to give Haley the slightest bit of attention, let alone know that they had slept together. Peyton had been Nathan's girlfriend in the past, so if anything, she had more of a right to be jealous of Haley, than she did of Peyton.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I didn't mean that. I'm just having a bad night, that's all. What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"Nathan" Peyton took a seat on the sofa opposite Haley.

Haley put on a mask of indifference even though she felt like screaming. Nathan Scott was the last person she wanted to talk about with anyone, let alone Peyton.

"Look. I know what happened between you two last year. Nathan needed to talk about it, so he told me what happened."

Haley felt betrayed that he had spoken about what they shared to someone else. It was even worse that he told his ex-girlfriend slash possible current girlfriend or 'fuck buddy'. The night she and Nathan spent together was special to her and she didn't want anyone else knowing about it.

"Was that before or after the two of you fucked just hours after he left my bed?" Haley hissed. She had never picked Peyton as one to hurt her supposed 'friends' like that.

"Haley, Nathan and I never slept together that day. He should have told you that already, but I'm guessing you haven't given him the chance."

"Don't you put this on me! I saw you guys in his room that day and it definitely didn't look like you'd been sitting around playing scrabble."

"Nathan was really messed up that morning. He wasn't sure how to handle what happened between the two of you. It was…" Peyton was trying her best to reason with Haley, but it was so hard for her to push another woman towards the man she was in love with. "It was really special to him, what you guys shared, and he didn't know how to deal. He's used to meaningless hook ups and no strings attached sex, Haley. The feelings he had for you were something new and overwhelming… and he made a mistake."

Haley's breath hitched in her throat. "He told you we were a mistake?"

Peyton's eyes widened realizing that Haley had misunderstood her. "No! Haley, that's not what I meant. That day, Nathan and I sort of made out for a little while, but that's as far as it went. He stopped before we took it any further."

Haley scoffed, feeling sickened by the thought of the two of them on his bed, fooling around when she had been stupidly hoping that she and Nathan had some kind of future as a couple. "How noble of him."

"I know it still hurts, but I really think that you should give him a chance. He really cares about you, and he knows he made a mistake that day. He regrets it so badly, Haley."

Haley watched Peyton closely. She had the feeling that there was something else going on, her voice was cracking emotionally and she honestly looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"He can't move on. You're the one he wants, even when he tries to pretend it's not you he's thinking about, not you he's seeing, you're always there. I can't measure up to you." Peyton was so choked up that she didn't even realize her slip.

Haley felt sorry for the woman falling apart in front of her, but part of her was jealous. She now knew that Nathan and Peyton either were currently or had in the past year been together, and it hurt. She hoped to God they weren't together now because she didn't think she could deal with being 'the other woman'.

"If you're in love with him then why are here saying these things to me?" Haley asked gently.

Peyton smiled sadly through her tears, knowing there was no point in denying it. "Because I don't stand a chance as long as you're in the picture. And I want him to be happy. I want you to be happy. Please, don't waste time because of stupid misunderstandings or foolish pride. You both want to be together, so just forgive him and be happy."

Haley sighed, her heart was aching and her mind was confused with all of the conflicting emotions jumbled up inside of her. "It's more complicated than that Peyton."

Peyton stood up and clasped her friend's hand. "It doesn't have to be. Just think about it, okay?"

Haley nodded, already thinking about everything they'd just discussed she didn't even notice Peyton slip out of the room.

* * *

He stood there watching Haley looking so hurt, confused and lost and his heart broke for her. He had completely turned her world upside down, maybe she was better of without him. But maybe, just maybe they were meant to be together, and that's what he held on to at that moment giving him the strength to try to win her over.

"Hales? Are you okay?"

Haley looked up startled, into the piercing blue eyes that still caused her stomach to flip and her heart to ache. "Not now, Nathan. Please."

He sighed and rubbed his hand over his face. "Yes, Haley. Now. We are going to talk this out right now."

He grasped her hand and pulled her up from the chair in front of the mirror and made her to sit next to him on the sofa, still unsure of how to approach the conversation.

"I just spoke with Peyton." She said softly, wanting to break the uncomfortable silence.

He sighed again, wondering what they had spoken about. If Peyton really had begun to get attached to him, would she sabotage his chances with Haley?

"She explained what happened that day at your house. She just wanted to clear a few things up, seeing as though I never really gave you the chance."

"We're not together. She told you that right? I mean, we had something casual going on a little while ago, but it's over."

Haley could have almost laughed at how cute he was trying to reassure her. It was the sweet, caring Nathan she had grown to love. But she still couldn't help feeling sorry for Peyton, and thankful that she had put aside her own happiness for her friends.

She looked up to find his eyes fixed on hers and couldn't stop a tear from escaping her eye. Nathan was really here in front of her, basically begging her to forgive him and give him a chance. This was what she had wanted so badly for so long, but there was still an element of fear holding her back. If she could be sure of his love for her, then she would risk it all to be with him. She just needed to be sure.

Nathan tenderly wiped away her tear and gradually brought his face closer to hers, giving her time to pull away before he softly brushed his lips against hers. He could feel her stiffen up, but she hadn't pulled away so he kept massaging her lips with his until she parted them accepting his kiss. He pulled her closer to him, his hands around her waist as hers snaked up around his neck.

When the need for air became an issue they pulled apart, resting their foreheads together. "Please Haley."

Nathan's plea was so intense. She knew what he was asking. He was asking her to give him the second chance he so badly wanted. And she knew now she wanted it too, but what if he hurt her again. What if he realized he loved Peyton again, there was obviously something still between them if they had been together so recently.

She panicked and pulling away from him, fled the room, leaning against the wall in the hallway. She just needed a few seconds away from him to think rationally. She really didn't trust her decision making skills when he was around.

Nathan stood up from the couch, saddened and perturbed by her inability to let him in and trust to love her. He knew he'd hurt her in the past, but he thought he'd made it clear that he was sorry and wanted to make it up to her. He paced the room for a few seconds, when out of nowhere a surge of frustration hit him and he lashed out, punching the wall. Pain shot up through his hand and into his arm making him cry out before walking back over to the sofa to nurse his injured hand and pride.

Haley heard his cry and ran back into the green room to kneel in front of him. He refused to look at her obviously feeling stupid for lashing out the way he did. He was always in control of his emotions, except for when he was around this girl.

"Nathan, let me take a look at it." She said softly, feeling guilty for driving him to it. She knew she had been hard on him and he had been jumping through hoops just to even get the chance to talk to her.

Haley grabbed the first aid kit and ice pack, placing the latter on his wrist which was slightly swollen. She began cleaning the small cuts on his knuckles, trying not to chuckle as the big macho basketball player in front of her winced repeatedly. They hadn't uttered a single word since she'd re-entered the room, but she could feel his gaze on her the whole time. She blew gently on his abrasions, noticing his whole body shiver each time. How on earth could something so mundane as fixing a cut feel so erotic between them? She pushed the thought aside and wrapped a small bandage around his hand.

"You can't afford to do stupid things like this Nathan. You've got your career to think about."

Haley looked up and found Nathan watching her with wonder and adoration. "It means nothing without you."

She couldn't deny her feelings, and the thought of having a relationship with him was so fulfilling that the possibility of getting hurt again seemed worth the risk, but first she needed to make sure that if there was any chance that Nathan still had feelings for Peyton, she would give them the opportunity to work it out.

"She's in love with you, you know?" Haley whispered

Nathan was taken aback by her comment and grimaced, hating the thought of Peyton hurting because he couldn't love her back.

Haley, being so emotionally sensitive, unfortunately jumped to the wrong conclusion and took his reaction to mean that the thought of love coming into the equation was something Nathan didn't want to have to deal with.

"Oh poor Nathan. I forgot that you're allergic to commitment. Well sometimes people actually fall in love, instead of just moving from person to person using them for sex! Sometimes a man wants to hear a woman tell him she loves him!"

"God, Haley. Would you give some credit? I'm really not the monster you like to make me out to be!" He couldn't believe that she still thought so badly of him.

"I'm sorry. That was uncalled for." Haley bowed her head in shame. She had always prided herself in not judging others and trying to think the best of people.

"I'd love to hear it". His whispered words were barely heard.

Haley's heart skipped a beat at his admission. Did she dare believe he wanted to hear them from her? She wanted to believe that but a small, fearful, insecure part of her couldn't allow it. Maybe he was talking about Peyton… or maybe he meant further down the track when he was ready to settle down.

Nathan groaned in frustration knowing exactly what doubts were running through her head. It was time for him to take action. There was no room for subtlety if he was going to convince her of his feelings. He reached down and pulled her up from the floor to straddle his lap. "I don't want to hear it from Peyton. I don't want to hear it from anyone else. I want to hear it from you, Haley. I'm in love with you."

Before she could react to his admission, Nathan kissed her with all the love and passion he could muster. He became slightly worried when she hadn't responded after a few seconds but then she began to kiss him back fervently before suddenly pulling back with a huge grin on her face.

"I love you too."

Nathan pecked her lips before standing up, bringing her with him, her legs automatically wrapping around him for support.

"Nathan, what are you doing?" she giggled

He didn't respond, instead giving her his answer by walking to the door and locking it. She raised her eyebrows questioningly. "A bit presumptuous don't you think?"

Nathan knew she was teasing him. "You know you want my body, so don't bother denying it."

Haley scoffed laughingly. "Conceited much? Maybe you should open the door, I don't think there's enough room in here for your super-sized ego."

Nathan chuckled, before pushing her against the wall and grinding himself into her. "You seem to like everything else of mine that's super sized."

Haley looked into his eyes which were now dark pools of desire and she couldn't deny how turned on she was, how much she needed him inside of her.

Rather than coming back with a witty retort, she boldly reached down and quickly freed him from his pants and licked her lips seductively, while stroking him. "Yes, I do."

Nathan growled and nipped her shoulder, struggling to keep himself under control. He walked them back over to the sofa before letting her slide down his body. Haley discarded her top and bra, while Nathan knelt down to remove her boots, pants and underwear.

He stood up, kissing her softly. "You're so beautiful."

Haley smiled against his lips, still somewhat unbelieving of the situation. Nathan loved her. He had declared his love for her and she believed him. It was the greatest feeling in the world.

She lifted his top over his head as he shimmied out of his jeans and boxers. Nathan sat on the couch, pulling her down to straddle him.

"Protection." Nathan couldn't believe he had completely forgotten about protection. She had gotten pregnant last time even with a condom, so he sure as hell wasn't going to risk it without one. Not that the thought of her having his baby again scared him… he actually rather liked the thought, but it was something they needed to decide on together at the right time.

Haley kissed him softly. "It's okay. I'm on the pill."

Nathan lifted her up before slowly lowering her onto his shaft, both of them sighing in relief at the contact. He didn't think he'd ever been more turned on in his life. No woman had ever had him wanting them as desperately as she did and she didn't even have to try. 'It must be love' he thought, smiling to himself.

They moved slowly together at first, savoring every stroke, every caress of skin, every earth-shattering kiss. Haley closed her eyes and threw her head back as Nathan took a nipple into his mouth, rolling the hardened peak between his teeth and tongue, the action causing a bolt of sensation from her breast to the heat pooling low in her belly.

"Nathan" The moan, caused Nathan to become even harder, something he didn't think was possible. God, what this woman could to do to him.

"I'm close, Nate. So close." She whispered breathlessly, suckling his ear lobe.

"Me too baby." He grasped her hips, lifting her slightly before thrusting up into her faster and faster. Her muscles contracted, gripping him tighter and signaling her release, followed a few seconds later by a loud cry of pleasure. He plunged into her once more before experiencing the most intense orgasm of his life, spilling his seed inside of her, and pulling her close to his chest, where he held her for a long time, never wanting to let go. Never wanting their perfect moment to be over.

After a few minutes Haley pulled back cupping his face tenderly. "I love you."

Nathan kissed her passionately. "I love you too, Haley James.

A few minutes later both of them had dressed and Haley was at the mirror attempting to fix her appearance so as not to look like she'd just had the best sex of her life in the back of a nightclub. She noticed Nathan staring at her in the mirror and chuckled.

"What?"

"Marry me?" He didn't know where the words came from but he didn't regret them. It felt right and he hoped to God he hadn't just made a mistake and scared her off. He knew it was sudden and probably too soon, but he also knew it was what he wanted.

Haley stopped breathing for a moment, watching him through the reflection in the mirror for any sign of this being a joke. She didn't know what was scarier, the fact that he had just proposed or the fact that she knew she would accept.

Nathan approached her slowly, wrapping his arms around her shoulders from behind and kissing her neck. "I love you, Haley and I want you to be my wife. I want the whole world to know that you're mine."

"Yes" she whispered, staring at him through the reflection

"Yes?" he asked hopefully for her confirmation

She turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Yes. I'll marry you." He lifted her small body out of the chair and twirled her around, knowing that this was the happiest moment of his life.

* * *

A short while later the couple emerged from the green room, hand in hand, both looking thoroughly loved with huge grins on their faces. They made their way over to Brooke and Lucas who were still sitting at their table, still making out like teenagers.

Nathan made a production of clearing his throat to get the couples attention.

Brooke and Lucas looked at the two before focusing on their entwined fingers. Brooke's whole face lit up like a Christmas tree.

"Oh my God! You guys are together!" The brunette jumped out of her chair to give them a hug.

Lucas joined them, hugging Haley and congratulating his brother. He knew that if anyone in the world could capture Nathan's heart, it would be Haley James.

"Um, we're gonna go home." Nathan nodded towards the exit, eager to get his new fiancé back to the beach house where he was staying for the summer.

Brooke snickered teasingly. "Home?"

Haley smiled. "I'll be by to pick up my stuff tomorrow."

The other couple looked shocked. "You're moving in together. Isn't that a bit… sudden?" Lucas asked.

Nathan pulled Haley close to his side. "Well, considering we're getting married, we should probably get used to living together."

Brooke and Lucas were beyond shocked, even leaving the brunette speechless, which was definitely no easy feat. "Are you sure you're ready for that? I mean you guys haven't even dated yet. Don't you think you should wait a while before thinking about marriage?"

Nathan stiffened slightly at their negative response and feared that Haley would change her mind. He knew it was a rushed decision but they were in love and he knew that he would never feel this way about anyone else. He had lost her once and he wasn't going to do it again. She was the love his life. His soul mate.

Haley lifted her fiancés hand to her lips for a soft kiss, reassuring him that she hadn't changed her mind, that she didn't think they were making a mistake. She looked up into his eyes lovingly. "We're sure."

* * *

Haley noticed that Nathan was quiet on the short drive to the beach house. She instinctively knew he was upset by his brother's reaction their engagement. She covered his hand on the gear stick and squeezed it reassuringly flashing him a warm smile.

He pulled into the driveway and turned to face her. "Are you sure, Haley? Because I don't want you to feel pressured into this."

She leaned over and kissed him tenderly, softly stroking his cheek.

"This may sound a little… strange, but you've been the man in my life since I was a teenager. You didn't know it Nate, but I have had feelings for you since I was fourteen years old, and now those feelings have turned to love. I love you and I will always love you. There is no other man for me. Never has been. Never will be. You're it for me, Nathan Scott."

Nathan pulled her across the seat to sit on his lap and hugged her tight against him. He'd never had anyone make him feel this loved. Sure, there'd been plenty of women, but they didn't love him and those who thought they did were in love with Nathan Scott the rich basketball player, not the real man behind the façade. Haley knew the real him. She took the time to find the real him and he would be forever grateful.

"I love you so much Haley. I'm sorry it took me so long to see you."

Haley smiled at him. "It's okay. Just means you've got a lot of time to make up for."

Nathan laughed at her attempt to wiggle her eyebrows suggestively. He took his fiancé inside and led her straight upstairs to the bedroom, where they proceeded to make up for lost time… all night long.

* * *

_**A/N: Your reviews have been wonderful and I have received some great feedback and suggestions. Thank you for taking the time to review. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and some happy Naley. But if you've read my previous stories, you know it won't be long before the angst comes again.**_


	10. Positive

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 10 – Positive**

* * *

Haley's eyes fluttered open, adjusting the light coming through the window. As they focused she found Nathan watching her with an adoring smile on his face, a sight she still hadn't quite gotten used to after two weeks of living together. 

"Nathan! I told you to stop that, it's embarrassing." A blush rising high on her cheeks.

Nathan chuckled at what was quickly becoming a morning routine. He would wake up before her, watch her sleep for as long as possible, just thinking about how much he loved her, how happy they would be together, what a wonderful future was in store for them. And every morning Haley would wake up blushing, telling him not to watch her sleep.

"It's not embarrassing. How can it be embarrassing when you're asleep and don't even know I'm looking at you?" Nathan's smirk was still enough to make her swoon. He was lying with his head on his hand which was being supported by his elbow.

"That's not the point!" Haley glared at him mockingly containing her laughter before playfully pushing on his arm and in turn sending his face down into the mattress. His grunt of protest caused her to lose her restraint and chuckle loudly into her pillow.

Nathan took the opportunity of her being distracted to flip her onto her back and then pounced, straddling her hips and holding her hands above her head which looked like it was surrounded by a golden halo due to the sun reflecting off her shiny hair.

After a while she stopped struggling, realizing that she'd never be able to get away if he didn't want her to, which she didn't. She loved seeing him above her, feeling his weight on her, his eyes penetrating hers.

"Are you surrendering Haley James?" His cocky remark was meant to provoke her, but instead she simply nodded her head submissively. He looked at her with suspicion in his eyes. She was one of the most stubborn people he'd ever met and he didn't trust her just giving into him.

"And are you going to let me watch you sleep?"

Haley nodded again wriggling underneath him, the friction causing a certain body part to jerk to attention. The emotion behind his eyes changed from suspicion to desire in a moment and he saw the same desire mirrored in her eyes. Nathan realized that this was what she'd wanted all along, the fire had been building within her from the moment he'd pinned her to the bed and she would go along with anything he said if he played his cards right.

Feeling her surrender, he let go of her hands as he leaned down and suckled gently on one exposed nipple, feeling her whole body tense with pleasure. "What else are you going to let me do Hales?"

His husky whisper sent waves of sensation running down her spine. Her hands cupped either side of his face, bringing him back up to look into her eyes which were filled with love and trust. "Anything." He smiled at her admission, knowing that she trusted him to no end.

They kissed passionately, unable to hold in the hunger that they felt for one another, the desperate need to be joined as one. She opened to him and as he thrust inside of her hot warmth, they both cried out in relief, as though they were lovers torn apart for years, finally reconciling rather than the happy couple they were who had made love several times throughout the previous night.

Before long the pressure began to build and as Nathan pushed her harder and faster, trying to bring them both a release, Haley wrapped her legs tighter around him, urging him on with both her body and her words.

"God, Nate. It's not enough. I need more of you. I always need more of you." Her plea desperate and breathy.

Nathan smiled before he nipped at her soft flesh then laved it soothingly with his tongue. After a few moments he felt her body start to tense leading up to her orgasm, resting on one elbow, he reached between them and coaxed her to climax, following her right over the edge.

When he collapsed on top of her Haley, reveled in his weight pressing her against the mattress, her hands running lovingly up and down his slick back as they both struggled for air. He began to move off her, but she held him tight, pulling him back down. "No. Stay. I want to be close."

Nathan never knew how much he could love being so affectionate. Sex had always been sex before and afterwards you would sleep or leave. But now, with Haley, he never wanted to let go, instead savoring the moment as long as he could. But even though she wanted to stay the way they were, Nathan knew how heavy his large frame was on her small body, and that it would eventually be uncomfortable, so he snaked his arms underneath her and rolled them over so that she was draped across his body.

"Mmm, this is nice" she murmured into his chest.

"Heaven." He agreed, while stroking her hair with on hand while the other lay possessively on her lower back.

"I wish it could be like this forever."

Nathan tilted her chin up for her to look at him. "It will be. We're getting married Hales. It'll always be like this."

Her face lit up at the word 'marriage'. He'd discovered this almost immediately after his proposal and tried to say it as often as possible. He loved knowing that the thought of becoming his wife made her so happy.

"And I can't wait, but that's not what I meant. I just wish we could spend lazy days like this together all the time, I wish that we didn't ever have to worry about the outside world and responsibilities like basketball… and my teaching job."

They hadn't discussed long term plans yet, both knowing that one of them would have to make a major sacrifice if they were to live together once Nathan's break was over and the school year began. It was almost impossible for Nathan to stay in Tree Hill and commute to games and practices, and even though Haley could also teach at any of the schools in Charlotte, she probably wouldn't be able to get a job this close to the school year.

"Everything will work out Hales. I promise. Trust me" He kissed her nose playfully, wanting to lift her mood and make her forget about any problems that might arise. He was already working on a solution to their problem, but was waiting for the final go ahead before revealing it to his fiancée.

Haley had been dealing with niggling doubts about the logistics of their engagement and marriage. She had been so happy to get a teaching position at her old high school, but if she moved to Charlotte, she would have to apply for new positions and live off Nathan until it happened.

But she trusted him, trusted in him and their love and if he believed it would all work out, then so did she.

"I do."

* * *

"What time is everyone getting here?" Lucas asked his wife who was frantically setting the table and fiddling with the floral arrangement. 

"Ten minutes. God I hope everything goes ok. I still don't know why Haley insisted that Peyton get an invitation. It's going to be awkward… not to mention hard on P. Sawyer."

Over the past two weeks Brooke and Lucas had discussed Haley and Nathan's engagement at length, absolutely dumbfounded by their hasty decision to get married. Brooke wanted to be happy for her cousin, but even though she was the one who originally tried to push them towards dating, she realized now that she doubted Nathan's ability to commit to marriage. She was terrified that he was going to break Haley's heart.

Lucas had also been pretty shocked at first, but he knew how serious his brother was about Haley, and believed that Nathan was committed to her and honestly thought their marriage would work. Soothing his wife's doubts, however, was not so easy. She had always been so overprotective when it came to her younger cousin, and Nathan's track record wasn't very reassuring. He knew it also didn't help that he'd accidentally let it slip that Nathan and Peyton had been sleeping together recently.

"I just don't understand how they can all be so cool with the situation. Peyton's in love with him for Christ's sake, why would she want to come to the engagement dinner?" Brooke sighed loudly, and Lucas couldn't help but smile at his wife. She cared so much about all of her friends and family and he loved her for it.

"Just relax, babe. I know you're worried about Haley and Peyton, but there's nothing you can do. They obviously want to try and be friends, so let's just enjoy ourselves and hope that the night goes smoothly."

She leaned back against her husband's chest as his arms wrapped around her waist and he planted a soft kiss on her neck. She knew he was right and so glad that she no longer had to worry about that sort of relationship drama. She had her own perfect little family with Lucas and Mitchell, and her life was exactly how she wanted it to be.

Half an hour later the small group of friends and family were enjoying their meal and some friendly conversation. Brooke was rather quiet, watching Haley, Nathan and Peyton closely for any signs of trouble. However, it seemed that they were determined to avoid talking to each other altogether, with Nathan and Lucas discussing basketball as usual, Haley was kept busy chatting away with both Karen and Deb who were interested in hearing about her time overseas and at the other end of the table Peyton was catching up with Cooper, who she hadn't seen since back when she was dating Nathan in high school.

Nathan and Haley hadn't gone public with their relationship yet, except for Brooke and Lucas who knew about the engagement, and Peyton who was pretty certain the couple had gotten together. Brooke wondered the couple's reason for acting like no more than friends was because it was a secret or whether it was out of respect for Peyton, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. The brunette however, couldn't help but notice the frequent glances and smiles they were sending each other as though they were unable to go more than a few minutes without some sort of contact or affectionate communication. It really was becoming obvious to her how in love the couple were and she couldn't help but smile at them, her worries allayed.

Haley deserved to be happy after the shitty hand she'd been dealt, first with her parents' deaths and then being stuck with the Davis' as her only parental figures. She also had a strong feeling that her cousin had been through other extremely difficult times, but wasn't sure exactly what they were as Haley hadn't confided in her. She hoped that Nathan would be able to help his fiancé work through any issues she may still have to face.

Peyton's gaze flickered over to Nathan for the hundredth time already that evening and each time she saw him her heart clenched. She knew she should have just declined the invitation, but these people were her friends and if she wanted to keep it that way she would need to learn to deal with seeing Nathan and Haley together and knowing that she could never be with him.

"Whatever happened to the two of you anyway? I can see you still love him and I'm sure he'd jump at a chance to be with you again. I always thought you'd eventually get married and have babies."

Cooper's comment struck her right in the heart and she began choking on her wine. The rest of the table looked up at the spectacle with concern. Cooper reached around and slapped her back a little to help her catch her breath.

"I'm ok. Thanks Coop." The blonde managed after her coughing fit ended. "Takes more than that to kill me." She uttered hoping a joke would lighten the mood and get everyone back to their conversations.

"Leave the poor girl alone Coop. Is he bothering you Peyton? I keep telling him he needs to learn to take a hint" Deb accused playfully, everyone knowing that her brother was a bit of a Casanova.

He laughed and glared mockingly at his sister before addressing the rest of the chuckling guests. "Actually, I was just saying to Peyton here, that I thought she and Nate would be married with kids by now."

Karen and Deb laughed, obviously thinking that it was a foolish idea considering the two hadn't been a couple since high school. Peyton sank down in her seat, embarrassed and humiliated by the comment, while Nathan and Haley glanced at each other worriedly, knowing how uncomfortable this must be for their friend, and communicating silently, decided that now was the time to make the announcement to get the heat off Peyton.

Nathan stood up, grasping Haley's hand and pulling her up next to him. "Can I have everyone's attention please?"

Everyone looked extremely uncomfortable except for Karen, Deb and Coop who were the only guests who didn't know what was going on. The three of them now looked at the couple, standing with their fingers entwined, with a strange curiosity.

"I know this may be a bit of a shock to a few of you, but the reason Brooke invited you all to dinner tonight is to celebrate Haley and I getting engaged." He had planned a sort of small speech to break the news that evening, but with the situation so tenuous, he'd decided to just rip off the band-aid and hope it was less painful.

The room was silent and almost immediately Nathan sensed Haley's tension. He squeezed her hand gently before raising it to his lips and placing a tender kiss on her palm. Deb was the first one to get over the shock, letting out a little squeal of excitement before jumping up and racing to the couple. She gave Nathan a kiss on the cheek before pulling Haley into a warm hug, letting her and everyone else in the room know just how delighted she was with the news. Haley didn't know why Deb's support surprised her so much considering a year ago she was telling the young woman how much she wished she and Nathan had have gotten together when they were younger.

Karen was next, embracing them both. "Congratulations." Turning to Nathan she said with a mock glare "You better treat her right or you'll have me to deal with."

Nathan turned serious and pulling Haley to his side, reassured Karen. "She's the most precious person in the world to me. All I want is to make her happy."

Haley beamed with happiness at his words, pulling his head down for a passionate kiss. When they finally broke apart, the couple couldn't stop staring lovingly at each other, but Haley soon remembered Peyton was present and pulled away, feeling guilty.

Meanwhile Peyton was focusing her attention anywhere but on the happy couple, her stomach churning and her temples throbbing. If she didn't get out of there soon she knew she'd faint or be sick. Standing up abruptly she muttered an excuse about feeling ill and left the room, followed closely by a very concerned Cooper.

"Peyton? Are you okay?" Cooper gently placed a hand on her shaking arm as she leaned against the front porch railing.

"Um… yeah, I'll be fine, but I need to go. Can you please let Brooke know I've gone home?" With that she walked down the steps towards her parked car. Before reaching the sidewalk, she turned back, trying to hide her tears. "Thanks Cooper."

* * *

"It was horrible, Nate. I should never have invited her. No, I should never have organized the dinner to begin with. It's almost like we were rubbing it in her face." 

Nathan hated seeing his fiancé so distraught, especially when she was blaming herself for things that were not her fault. "Please Hales. Just stop blaming yourself. We had the dinner because we wanted our family and friends to know how in love we are and how committed we are to one another. And you invited Peyton because it was the right thing to do. She is a friend to us and to everyone else. The ball was in her court as to whether she felt she was ready to handle the situation."

Haley snuggled further into his chest and sighed in defeat. "I guess you're right, I just wish it hadn't been such a disaster. I hope she's okay."

He too felt horrible for Peyton's pain, but knew that there was nothing they could do for her. Nathan kissed her temple softly, stroking her hair away from her face. "You're so caring baby. It's one of the reasons why I love you so much. You are always thinking of others."

"I just wish I could fix this. I hate that our friend is hurting and that we are the cause."

Nathan pulled her over so that she draped across him and held her protectively, rubbing her back in a gentle soothing motion. He loved that they could lay like that, happy just being together, not needing anything else to feel content.

"It will get better Hales. She just needs time to adjust, and her… feelings will eventually go away. It just takes time." It was so awkward talking about another woman who was in love with him.

Haley placed a kiss on his chest and they both lay there in silence, just thinking. Haley didn't know what the future held for them, but as along as Nathan was by her side she knew she'd be happy. Nathan on the other hand had his whole dream figured out. He saw them happy together, him playing basketball, Haley teaching music and raising their children. He almost couldn't wait for her to fall pregnant.

"Hales. After we get married, I want to start a family right away."

Haley smiled against his chest. Ever since she and Nathan had gotten together she'd been on cloud nine, but there was still that constant feeling of an empty space in her heart where their child had been. Her thoughts had wandered to having babies several times over the past couple of weeks, but she hadn't found the right time to bring it up, knowing how painful the memory of losing their child was for both of them. She wasn't sure if Nathan would want them soon or to wait a few years, but hearing him so eager to start a family made her happier than she could remember.

"That sounds perfect. Are you sure, Nate?"

He hugged her tighter.

"Positive"

* * *

"Positive" 

The sound of a strangled sob floated around the empty bathroom, the silence seeming out of place considering her whole world was falling apart at the seems.

Peyton let the white stick slip from her fingers and slid down the wall, tears flowing freely as she dropped her head to her knees, not moving from her position until morning.

* * *

_**A/N: Once again, thank you for the great reviews. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to getting any comments, good or bad, from you. **_

_**Thanks**_

_**Lorilozz**_


	11. Dream Come True

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 11 – Dream Come True**

_**Author's Note: I have decided to put this note at the start of the chapter because there is a part of the story that needs to be addressed. Many readers asked me if Nathan and Peyton had been sleeping together, so I'm not sure they missed some of the story or if perhaps my writing hasn't told the story well enough.**_

_**Anyway, in answer to the question – Yes, they did sleep together. They had a six week long 'friends with benefits' relationship that ended one month before Haley came back to Tree Hill. This was revealed in Chapter 8. They stopped seeing each other approximately 8 weeks ago in the timeline for this story. (Haley has only been back for 4 weeks.)**_

_**P.S. Thanks for the great reviews. Your comments were wonderful and I love reading them.**_

* * *

"We're here." Nathan said softly, while gently waking up his fiancé who had fallen asleep in the passenger seat of his SUV.

He smiled as she stretched out in leisurely fashion, looking like a contented kitten. "Okay. So now will you tell me where 'here' is?"

Nathan had woken a sleepy Haley earlier that morning, stating that he had a surprise and that she had half an hour to shower and get dressed before they left. She had harped and begged for him to tell her what the surprise was but he would budge and eventually she had fallen asleep, staying that way for the rest of the journey.

"We're in Charlotte."

Haley's eyebrows rose questioningly. They had both been avoiding talking about Charlotte becauase Haley was so worried about being unable to find a job when she moved there with Nathan. Actually, they hadn't even had a conversation confirming that move, but Haley knew she would do it. She would do anything to be with him.

"Okay. Why?"

Nathan got out of the car without responding and went around, opening the door for her, a habit that Haley was quickly becoming accustomed to. She'd never pegged him for a man to use old fashioned manners, but she'd come to realize that when they were out and about he treated her like a lady with traditional gestures such as opening doors for her and pulling out chairs. Some women found it a little out-dated, but she loved it. It made her feel cherished and appreciated.

She took the hand he offered her and they walked, fingers entwined, down one of Charlotte's main streets. It was such a beautiful area with older buildings that had a lot of character. If she closed her eyes she could almost imagine horse drawn carriages and cobblestone streets.

After a couple of blocks, they came to a halt outside a two story terrace building. She waited for Nathan to give some sort of explanation, but she simply alternated between looking at her and the building.

"Babe. I don't get it. I mean this is a really nice building and all, but what does this have to do with my surprise?"

Nathan smiled knowingly and pointed to the timber sign that hung from the eaves at the front of the building. 'Dulcet Tones Music School'.

He could see her mind ticking away, trying to figure out the significance. "You got me music lessons?" She asked in a slightly bewildered tone. She was so confused by it all, Nathan was obviously excited about her surprise and music lessons definitely showed that he wanted to do something nice for her, but she was a qualified music teacher and vocal coach, she didn't just need them. But Nathan was her fiancé, the man she loved and she would never want to hurt his feelings especially when he was trying to do something so special for her. It was the thought that counts.

She smiled widely, hoping he couldn't see her hesitance. "Thank you, Nathan. It's really sweet."

He chuckled, knowing that she was just trying to please him and not hurt his feelings. "No, Hales. I didn't get you music lessons."

Once again she waited for further explanation, but instead he simply took hold of her hand again and entered the building. She could hear a piano playing and what sounded like a child singing. Her face lit up at the sounds, knowing that this was her dream, to one day open up her very own music school and teach those with a passion for music just like her. Sure, she would be content teaching in High Schools until she had enough money to make her dream come into fruition, but it wouldn't make her as happy.

Haley wandered around, soaking up the atmosphere, completely forgetting about her confusion as to why Nathan had brought her here. He in turn watched her expressions closely, taking pride in knowing that she was so happy, and that he was the cause.

After a few moments the piano and the singing stopped, followed by murmured voices and then the opening of a door. A young girl of seven or eight exited the room, followed by an older woman, probably in her sixties who was smiling brightly at them.

"See you next week Belinda."

"Bye Mrs Harrington." The young girl smiled tentatively at the two strangers and then practically skipped out the door.

Haley's attention was brought back the older woman when she addressed them. "Mr Scott, I presume?"

Nathan smiled politely and shook her hand. "Yes, thanks for sparing me some more of your time. This is my fiancée, Haley."

The woman's eyes were so warm and friendly, that Haley felt at ease with her immediately, even though she was extremely curious as to why she and Nathan were there. She motioned for the couple to follow her into her office where they all took a seat.

"It's so very nice to meet you Haley. Nathan has told me a lot about you. He says you just finished a music and teaching degree in London. You were top of your class I believe."

Haley blushed but nodded, glancing at Nathan questioningly. He just shrugged with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Now, Haley, Nathan here tells me that you were planning to go straight into the public school system to teach, now that you've graduated. Have you thought about private practice?"

Haley's jaw dropped. Was this woman offering her a job here? Was this her surprise, that Nathan had found her a job for when they moved? She didn't dare believe it, because if it wasn't the case, her disappointment would be shattering.

"Yes. I have thought about it and my dream is to own and run a school of my own just like this someday. Teaching in the school system will be rewarding, but I would really love to work with those who have extraordinary passion for their music, and are not just studying it because it's on the school syllabus."

Mrs Harrington smiled at the young woman before her, still so young but very wise, passionate and dedicated. "You remind me a lot myself at your age. You have a fire within you Haley, and that is what every good teacher needs to succeed in motivating and bringing out the absolute best in their students." She glanced at Nathan and offered him a little nod. "How would you like to work here, at Dulcet Tones?"

Haley's heart flipped with a mixture of happiness, excitement and anticipations. "You're… you're offering me a job?" Haley knew her words were filled so much trepidation and hope that it was almost pathetic, but this would be a dream job and it meant that she would be here in Charlotte with Nathan.

Mrs Harrington chuckled and shook her head. "No, Haley. I'm not offering you a job. I'm offering you the school."

The young blonde froze, rendered speechless. She looked at Nathan who grasped her hand and grinned widely. "Nathan?" she questioned softly.

"Mrs Harrington is retiring and has been looking for someone to take over her school. She wanted to meet you first to make sure that she would be leaving it in good hands."

The older woman stood up and excused herself, giving them time to discuss the situation. "I don't know what to say."

"Just say yes, Hales. This is your dream, and you can have it." He pushed her hair back behind her ear, letting his warm hand linger on her graceful neck. "I just want you to be happy."

Haley leaned over and kissed his lips softly. "I am happy Nathan. You make me unbelievably happy, and this place… well it's amazing. But I don't want you to feel like you have to buy me things. Because you don't, and even if this wasn't a possibility, I've already made up my mind that I'm moving here with you when you start basketball again. I will work in a restaurant or a café if I have to, as long I get to be here with you." She looked away and sighed sadly. "I just… you don't have to do this, Nate."

He pulled her across to sit on his lap, her head tucked under his chin. "I know I don't have to, but you are the most important thing in my life, and making you happy has become my life's goal. I want this for you… for us."

Haley placed several butterfly kisses on his jawline. "God, I love you."

"So, that's a yes?"

"That's a _hell_, yes." She squealed excitedly, the knowledge that she would own her own music school, would have her ultimate dream come true, was finally sinking in and she felt as though she could explode with joy.

Nathan grimaced, her high pitched squeal, piercing his ears. "What are you trying to do to me, Hales? I'm already tone deaf, I don't need you to ruin my hearing for good."

She slapped him playfully before pulling him closer and giving him the most passionate kiss of his life. A few minutes later they broke apart, gasping for air.

Haley stood up, pulling him from his chair. "We should probably get back to Mrs Harrington. We don't want her to get the wrong idea and change her mind about me."

Nathan groaned, pulling her back to him for another short, but passionate lip lock. "God, I can't wait until this is your office. I desperately want to take your right here on this desk."

"All in good time. Be patient. It is a virtue, you know?" Haley smirked, knowing that her teasing was driving him nuts. But honestly, she knew how he felt. She wanted to make love to him so badly right then that it almost killed her. She couldn't believe that he had actually done all this for her. She fell in love with him more and more each day.

* * *

Brooke heard the doorbell, and sighed agitatedly, hoping that it didn't wake Mitchell up seeing as though she had only just put him down for his nap.

Upon opening the door she frowned at the pale, distraught and tear stained face of her best friend. "Peyton, what's wrong?"

Once upon a time, this scene wouldn't have seemed so out of the ordinary. The blonde had always seemed to wallow in misery like it was a national pastime, but the last few years she seemed to have settled into her own skin, found an inner strength and happiness that she never could in high school. Seeing her this way again was disturbing.

She guided her into the living room and sat them both down on the sofa, leaning in to face each other. She took one of Peyton's hand, frowning when she felt how cold and clammy it was, almost like she was in shock.

"What is it Peyt? Please tell me, I want to help."

This just seemed to provoke more tears and Brooke pulled her into her arms as sobs wracked her body. She stayed silent, simply stroking her hair and muttering soothing sounds like she did for Mitchell when he cried inconsolably. She almost smiled thinking how well she had gotten this mother thing down pat.

After a long silence, Peyton pulled away and looked into her friend's eyes which were filled with sadness and fear. "I'm pregnant."

Brooke was stunned. Peyton was in no way promiscuous and she knew she hadn't had a boyfriend in nearly a year. And even though she knew it was selfish, she felt a little hurt that Peyton hadn't told her she was seeing somebody, they still talked about everything… well at least she though they did.

"I know it's not the end of the world and that it happens to women everyday, but… I'm not those women. This isn't supposed to happen to me. God, what am I gonna do?"

"First of all you are going to calm down. This isn't good for you, either of you."

Peyton nodded, knowing Brooke was right. She needed to think clearly and stop freaking out. It really wasn't going to get her anywhere. She took a couple of deep breaths and focused on the carpet beneath her feet.

"Have you discussed it with the father?" Brooke didn't know how to gently approach the topic, so she simply decided to pose the question in a practical tone. She figured that Peyton needed someone to act as thought they were in total control of the situation, even if she felt like she was spinning out of control.

A shake of the head was all she could manage. The pregnancy was enough of an issue without thinking of the fallout when she revealed who the father was. She just didn't want to deal with that yet.

"Who is it Peyt?"

"I can't… I don't want to talk about him right now."

"Okay. Well how are you feeling about this? You know, you do have options." It was hard for Brooke to say it, even mention the possibility of abortion, especially now that she had Mitchell, but her friend needed her support and she would help her out by being unbiased and objective. It was a decision that only Peyton could make… hopefully with the support of the child's father!

"I know I do." She sniffled and wiped tears away. "It's funny. I almost wish that I didn't have options. Because it means that I have to make a choice. That I have to decide. But how do you decide between killing your baby and moving on with your life, or having a baby that you're not ready for and raising it alone?"

The brunette's heart broke for her friend. Put that way, it really wasn't much consolation when you have to pick between the better of two bad choices. "Are you sure?"

"After I skipped my second period I took a home test which was positive. This morning the doctor confirmed it. I'm nine weeks pregnant."

"That's not what I meant. Are you sure you would have to do this alone? The father might want to be involved." Peyton just shook her had sadly. The irony being that she knew the father would want to be involved, but this would ruin too many lives.

"Nine weeks. Wow. So that means it happened just before you went to Mexico?"

Peyton nodded, feeling uncomfortable talking about it because it brought back painful memories of her time with Nathan and how much she had fallen in love with him. She also felt a bit guilty about keeping the relationship a secret from Brooke.

Brooke couldn't stand the thought of Peyton being abandoned, having to take responsibility for this all alone. Sometimes her friend had a tendency to be pessimistic, so maybe she was wrong and the baby's father would be supportive.

"That means he's local then, right? You won't know if you have his support or not unless you tell him Peyton."

She couldn't handle this pressure. She had the power to disrupt so many lives with this one secret and she just couldn't do it. The thought of everyone hating her and blaming her for causing so much drama was something she couldn't deal with.

"Enough, Brooke. I told you I don't want to talk about him. Would you just shut up about it already!"

Brooke was startled by the outburst, but managed to keep her anger in check. Peyton was emotionally distraught and deserved to be cut a little slack.

"Look. I'm sorry, and I don't want to sound like I'm pressuring, but I do believe that he has a right to know."

Peyton sighed in frustration and gritted her teeth. "I know he does, Brooke. But things are complicated and you don't know the whole story."

Now it was Brooke who was getting frustrated. They had been best friends for years and Peyton had come to her for comfort and advice, yet she wouldn't tell her the truth.

"God, Peyt. I can see that it must be complicated to have you so messed up. But I'm you're best friend and I just wish that you could trust me enough to tell me the truth." Her words were filled with disappointment and hurt.

Peyton stood up abruptly and glared down at Brooke. "Fine! You want to know? You need to know that badly who the father is? Nathan Scott." She looked up to the heavens as though she was pleading for them to see how unfair it was. "I'm fucking pregnant with Nathan's baby!"

A startled gasp had both Peyton and Brooke whipping their heads around, staring in shock at the person who had heard the shocking confession.


	12. Secret's Out

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 12 – Secret's Out**

* * *

_Peyton stood up abruptly and glared down at Brooke. "Fine! You want to know? You need to know that badly who the father is? Nathan Scott!" She looked up to the heavens as though she was pleading for them to see how unfair it was. "I'm fucking pregnant with Nathan's baby!"_

_A startled gasp had both Peyton and Haley whipping their heads around, staring in shock at the person who had heard the shocking confession._

* * *

"Haley!"

She didn't even hear Brooke call her name as she bolted out of the house, her face white, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had no idea where her feet were carrying her, it seemed as though her whole body was on autopilot.

Not surprisingly she ended up at the docs, one of her favorite places to study or just to think when she was still in high school. She worked through many problems there as a teenager, but wasn't sure if anything could help her work through this one.

Another woman was pregnant with Nathan's child. Even worse, a friend of theirs was pregnant with his child. She couldn't help but wonder why this was happening to them… to her. Hadn't she been through enough in her life already? Couldn't she just be happy for more than a couple of weeks at a time before the rug was pulled from under her?

Just this morning she had been on top of the world, a woman in love, being given her ultimate dream by the man she wanted to the spend the rest of her love with, and now… What? Now he was having a baby with someone else.

_Maybe Peyton will actually be able to keep his child safe, something you couldn't do!_ The thought taunted her and rationally she knew that it was stupid to even think about, but how on earth was she expected to be thinking rationally?

"Haley?"

She groaned audibly, wondering if her day was just going to continually get worse. "I can't deal with you right now. Please just leave me alone."

Peyton ignored her and took a seat across the bench from her. "I'm sorry you had to find out like that, Haley."

Her words were pleading but Haley was too angry to care. "Well that just makes everything so much better doesn't it! Let me ask you this Peyton. Are you sorry that you're pregnant? Or are you happy that you might have a chance with Nathan now?"

Peyton looked as though she'd been slapped. She could understand her friend's despair, but her accusations were completely out of line.

"Yeah, Haley. This is exactly what I wanted. To be knocked up by a man I'm in love with who doesn't love me. A man who is engaged to one of my friends. Yeah, I really wanted this to happen!" Peyton's sarcasm dropped away and she couldn't stop the sob that escaped. "I'm so sorry, Haley. Please believe me when I say that. I would never want to hurt you, either of you. I stepped aside and pushed you to confront your feelings for him because I knew it would make you both happy. Please don't accuse me of wanting to tear that apart."

Peyton meant every word. She didn't want to hurt either of them, but she also knew there was part of her, deep down inside that wished that it could be different. A part that wished that Nathan would be happy about the news of their child, that he loved her the way she loved him. It was selfish, but she was terrified. She didn't know if she could do this alone.

"No. I'm sorry. I had no right to say those things to you." Haley was deeply ashamed of herself for flinging such hateful accusations at her friend. Peyton had proven herself to be a true friend by bringing Nathan and Haley together even though it was going to break her own heart.

"We're both feeling very emotional right now." Peyton offered the words as a sort of truce, and Haley accepted.

"What a mess." Haley sighed herself, wiping away the last of her tears. Tears were not going to help the situation.

"He never has to know"

The whisper almost didn't reach Haley's ears, but she heard it all the same and stared at Peyton with wide eyed disbelief. Haley knew how devastated Nathan had been when he found out that Haley hadn't told him about their baby when she had the chance, and she knew that he would want to know about his child with Peyton. She shuddered involuntarily, unable to stop feeling sick to her stomach knowing that someone else was carrying his child instead of her.

"You have to tell him Peyton. He deserves to know… and you'll regret it if you keep this from him."

Peyton felt as if there was more behind that comment than a general observation, but she had bigger things to worry about.

"I know that Haley. But, this is going to cause a lot of trouble, and to me it seems like nobody is going to win no matter what happens."

Haley knew she was right. It would be extremely difficult to move on with Nathan while he had a child with Peyton. Always feeling a sense of being left out of a huge part of his life. Always being reminded of what could have been if she hadn't lost their baby. But she loved him and she would love his child, so it would just take some strength to put aside her own insecurities and stand by the man she loved.

"You're right. This is going to be difficult and painful for all of us, but this isn't about us. This is about that tiny little life growing inside of you, and even though it may be confusing and hard at times, I know we can all do what's best for your baby."

Peyton couldn't believe how amazingly selfless Haley was being. Knew her heart must be breaking, yet she wasn't only thinking of herself and how her life was going to be affected by this pregnancy, she was thinking of everyone else around her and putting the baby first. A part of her hated Haley in that moment for being so… perfect. Why couldn't she just be like every other human being and be selfish about the situation. It was so impossible not to like her, and sometimes she hated her for it.

"Are you sure you're ready to deal with this Haley? Are you really sure you can handle Nathan and I having this baby? Because to be honest, I don't think I can do this alone… I'm not strong enough."

It took every ounce of strength she possessed, but Haley managed to reach over the bench and hold Peyton's hand reassuringly. "I love Nathan. And I will love Nathan's child. I will do anything I have to do to support him."

Peyton nodded solemnly, knowing that she would never have the strength of character to make a sacrifice like that. If roles were reversed she would probably have just accepted the offer to keep quiet about the pregnancy, let her get an abortion and go on as if nothing ever happened. It probably made her a bad person, but that's just who she was. Running away was always easier than dealing with the problem. But knowing that Haley wasn't going to make this difficult for her or Nathan, made it seem that little more conceivable that she could actually have this baby.

* * *

"Is that you Hales? I've been waiting for you get back. How's Brooke?" Nathan shouted from the bedroom while he finished getting dressed after his shower. He had planned a nice candlelit dinner for them to celebrate buying the music school.

"Nate. Can you come out here please?" Haley felt as thought someone was choking her and wondered how it was she was still breathing. She looked back at Peyton who stood uncomfortably in the doorway and motioned for her to take a seat.

Nathan walked out into the living area, but pulled up abruptly when he saw his fiancée sitting on one sofa and his ex-girlfriend on the other.

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Haley's forehead, conscious of not displaying too much affection in front of Peyton. "Hi babe." He sat down next to Haley while also greeting Peyton and trying not to show how shocked he was by her presence.

"What's going on?" Nathan took Haley's hand, waiting for her to explain. Things had been so tense between the three of them that he didn't quite believe it was a social visit.

"Um, Nate. Peyton has something she needs to discuss with you… with us." Her words were forced and he could sense her anxiety. Turning to face Peyton he simply raised his brow letting her know that he wanted an explanation. He knew he was being rude, but this was obviously upsetting Haley, and he didn't like it all.

Peyton felt like she was facing a firing squad. How the hell was she supposed to do this? Ease him into it or just spit it out? Deciding not to draw it out she chose the latter. "I'm pregnant."

Nathan's expression remained blank and Peyton wondered if he'd even heard her. Haley, however felt his hold on her hand tighten almost painfully and her heart broke for him.

When Peyton still got no response, she added. "We're pregnant."

"Oh fuck" Nathan's head dropped into his hands, trying to black out the world as he dealt with the shocking news he'd just been given. He'd gotten Peyton pregnant. She was having his baby. He was having a baby… without Haley.

"It's definitely mine?" He knew it was an asshole question but it was like his last hope that this nightmare wasn't really going to ruin his life.

"Nathan!" Haley knew he needed her support and that his behavior was obviously due to the shock, but Peyton deserved more respect than that. She placed her hand on his arm, trying to soothe him, worried he wasn't going to take this well at all.

Peyton was furious. Every bit of hurt, resentment and anger she felt since losing Nathan to Haley was bubbling up to the surface and she lost her ability to hold it in and be civil. "Of course it's yours! I haven't slept with anyone else but you in the past year, Nate. I was in love with you. I still AM in love with you and you broke my heart so don't you dare accuse me of sleeping around just because you're terrified of how this is going to affect your perfect little life. I'm the one who is going to have to go through this alone. Be a single mother!"

Nathan felt terrible for his behavior. He couldn't imagine how scary this must be for Peyton and he was taking his frustrations out on her.

"I'm so sorry Peyton. I was out of line." He said taking a seat beside her and pulling her into a hug. She'd always been a good friend and she deserved better from him.

Haley tried to tamp down the surge of jealousy she felt at seeing Nathan holding his pregnant ex-girlfriend. How was she going to deal the situation after the baby was born when she had trouble seeing them in an innocent embrace. Image after disturbing image of them together, writhing in ecstasy, filled her mind and made her want to scream. She looked away, unable to bear it any longer.

It would take time. Time to adjust their new reality, but she would do it for Nathan. "We're going to be here for you, Peyton. You won't have to do this alone." Haley tried her best to find comforting words but had no idea what would help in such a tense situation.

Peyton knew Haley was only trying to help, but after being held in Nathan's arms again and realizing once again how much she missed him, she felt for the first time like he'd been stolen away from her. She wished right then that Haley had never come back.

"Don't begin to act like you know the first thing about what I'm going through. I am alone. Nathan may be there to help, but at the end of the day when he goes home to your bed, who do I turn to? Who do I have to comfort me? No one. Because you've got him. Don't you dare trivialize this situation!"

Haley was shocked by Peyton's outburst. She had done nothing but encourage Peyton and promise to be there for both her and Nathan as well as their child. She was going to sacrifice so much to support her fiancé through this and her heart was breaking, yet she was getting yelled at?

"I know you're upset Peyton, but this affects me too. I promised to be supportive of you but I refuse to sit back and let you take out all your anger on me. I won't be your punching bag."

Peyton's began sobbing, almost as though she was in shock and Nathan worried about how this tension might affect the baby. It was very strange, but in that moment he began to realize how important his child was to him. This baby was a part of him and although not planned, and not with the woman he was engaged to, he felt love for the tiny little being.

"That's enough!"

Haley was on the verge of tears, frustrated that this discussion wasn't going how she'd hoped. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she already felt like an outsider.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I shouldn't have yelled. But you're wrong, I pretty much know exactly what you're going through." Haley knew what it was like to be pregnant with Nathan's baby and facing an uncertain future of raising that baby alone. She'd been there and had support from no one, so she definitely knew what she was going through.

Peyton stood up, red eyed and tear streaked. "I don't care Haley! I'm sorry if this hurts, but this really isn't about you! Don't' you get that? Not everything is about you? I can't deal with this right now." She grabbed for her bag and was about to leave, but Nathan put his hand on her wrist to stop her.

"Wait. We need to talk about this." He turned back to Haley looking apologetic. "Can you please give us some space to talk?"

Haley felt so hurt by Peyton's words and the steely look in her eye as she said them. Hurt that she was already being shut out by them, but she realized now just how much Peyton obviously resented her and had been holding that resentment inside. It wasn't good for the baby for her to be under stress, so she'd leave them to talk without her. "Fine. Call me on my cell when it's okay for me to come home."

* * *

"Are you okay?" Brooke knew that Haley was putting on a front of being okay with today's shock news, her argument with Peyton and then Nathan asking her to leave.

"I don't know Brooke. I love him so much and I would do anything for him, but I feel so helpless, like the thing he needs the most is for me to just back off. If I'm feeling so isolated from him already, what's it going to be like later on when their doing things as a family?"

The brunette stroked her cousin's hair soothingly. "Nathan won't shut you out, Hales. You are his family so whatever is going on with his child, you'll be included too. Peyton wouldn't want to exclude you anyway."

Haley scoffed. "I don't know about that. You should have heard her before, Brooke. I was always so grateful to her for letting me and Nathan be happy together, but I realized tonight that she really resents me for it. I don't know if she was just putting on an act for us or if maybe she pushed it so far down that she didn't even realize it herself."

"I'm sure she doesn't resent you. I know she was hurt, but she cares about you both."

"After hearing what she said tonight, I wouldn't be surprised if she hates me. It's like she thinks I stole Nathan from her and all this is my fault. It really hurt to hear her say those things." Another tear escaped her eye as she choked back a sob. "But what hurt the most was that it really felt like Nathan chose her feelings over mine tonight. I don't know if I could deal with that for the rest of my life."

"Oh, Hales. I'm sure he didn't mean to make you feel that way. Nathan would never choose Peyton over you. He's in love with you. And while she may be the mother of his child, you are the woman that has his heart. It's not going to be easy, but you will all work it out."

Haley knew Brooke was right. She definitely wasn't worried about losing Nathan, she trusted him completely with her heart. He had promised not to hurt her again and he loved her, but that didn't mean that being caught up in this situation wasn't going to hurt her anyway. She just hated not knowing what was running through his mind. Even though she felt trepidation at the thought of going home and facing this mess, she couldn't wait to be held in his arms so he could tell her everything was going to be alright. She needed him tonight.

Her phone vibrated on the coffee table indicating a message. Relief flooded over her. She'd been at Brooke's for hours and was anxious to get home to her fiancé. The smile on her face soon vanished as she read the message.

_Peyton and I still have a lot to work through. Can you please stay with Brooke and Lucas tonight? I'll see tomorrow morning. Love Nate._

Brooke could see all was not right and took the cell from her, reading over Nathan's message. She watched as Haley plastered a fake smile on her face. "How do you feel about a sleep over? Looks like I might need to spend the night."

Brooke was inwardly furious with her brother-in-law. She could understand that he was dealing with some intense issues, but so was Haley and she was being forced to handle them alone, not knowing where she stood. Didn't he understand how hurtful it was for him to ask her not to come home while he had his pregnant ex-girlfriend with him instead?

* * *

They had stayed up half the night talking, getting out all their fears and doubts, discussing their options and how they would like things to work. Nathan had made Peyton breakfast fussing over her, saying how she needed to look after herself and make sure she ate enough for both her and the baby.

"Do you want some more milk?"

Peyton smiled at his thoughtfulness. She had been feeling bad all morning for her outburst at Haley and felt even guiltier that she had basically had Nathan kick her out for the night. She really hadn't realized just how much she resented Haley for having Nathan's heart. It had been so painful that she'd pushed it to the back of her mind and convinced herself she was getting over him. A frown formed on her face as she thought about how badly Haley must be feeling, still not knowing what she and Nathan had decided and what route her life was going to take.

Nathan noticed her worried expression and hoped she wasn't having doubts again. "Please promise me Peyton."

She hadn't wanted to consider abortion, but with the situation so messed up it was a possibility she couldn't ignore. Nathan had told her that he was dead against it and that he wanted her to keep the baby. She looked up into his eyes and knew she would never be able to do it anyway. Not to a baby that was part of her and the man she loved… even if he didn't love her back.

"I promise."

Nathan smiled and pulled her into a hug. Things had been so strained between them lately and he missed his friend. He had always cared for her deeply and that would never go away, especially now that they were bound together forever.

"I need to ask you something Nathan." He nodded, waiting for her continue. "Why couldn't you love me? Why wasn't I good enough for you?" She never thought she'd have the courage to ask him, but after being so open with each other the night before she knew she needed an answer.

He could see how much he'd hurt Peyton and it killed him that he caused that pain. Tenderly, pushing a hair behind her ear, he pressed his lips softly to hers. "I do love you Peyton. It's just different to what I feel for Haley."

Peyton was surprised by his answer. She had begun to wonder if he'd ever loved her, even when they were dating years ago. "You love me?"

Nathan smiled affectionately. "I'll always love you Peyt." He placed a hand on her stomach, still finding it hard to believe his child was living in her womb. "We will always have a special connection that can't be broken."

She knew she shouldn't do it, that it could make things awkward, but she needed to kiss him, one last time. Needed to taste his lips and feel his love for her.

Tilting her head up, she touched her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself against his warmth.

In the back of his mind, Nathan registered that what he was doing was wrong, that he was betraying Haley even if he was simply kissing Peyton to give her some closure. But he also knew how vulnerable and lonely Peyton was and that this was a goodbye kiss for her. When her tongue begged entrance to his mouth, he accepted and kissed her back, wanting to be able to relieve her hurt in some way.

It wasn't a long kiss or even very passionate. It was their way of saying their goodbye to that part of their relationship and getting ready to move on to being just friends, raising a child together. He pulled away and smiled down at Peyton who for the first time in weeks was genuinely smiling back.

Neither of them noticed the person who had entered the room, nor did they see the look of utter disgust in their eyes, but one thing they couldn't miss was the sound of the front door as it slammed shut behind them.

* * *

_**Author's Note: Firstly I want to apologise for taking a whole week to update. I am suffering from my first ever case of writer's block and even though I have some great ideas for this story I am struggling through this particular section. My updates may be a little slower than usual for a while.**_

_**Thank you to all the wonderful reviewers. I am glad you're enjoying the drama and be assured there is plenty more to come. I hope this chapter turned out ok, but I apologise if it's a bit lacking… as I said, I really struggled with it. Please review and let me know what you think.**_

_**Thanks**_

_**Lorilozz**_


	13. Consequences

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 13 – Consequences**

* * *

_In the back of his mind, Nathan registered that what he was doing was wrong, that he was betraying Haley even if he was simply kissing Peyton to give her some closure. But he also knew how vulnerable and lonely Peyton was and that this was a goodbye kiss for her. When her tongue begged entrance to his mouth, he accepted and kissed her back, wanting to be able to relieve her hurt in some way. _

_It wasn't a long kiss or even very passionate. It was their way of saying their goodbye to that part of their relationship and getting ready to move on to being just friends, raising a child together. He pulled away and smiled down at Peyton who for the first time in weeks was genuinely smiling back._

_Neither of them noticed the person who had entered the room, nor did they see the look of utter disgust in their eyes, but one thing they couldn't miss was the sound of the front door as it slammed shut behind them._

* * *

Nathan jerked away from Peyton, fear running through his veins. He looked over at the closed door and prayed to God that it wasn't Haley who had witnessed his betrayal.

_His betrayal_.

Because that's what it was. He could lie to himself as much as he wanted and try to justify it by saying it was a 'goodbye kiss', which was what he'd done in the moment, but in his heart he knew the truth. Peyton was in love with him, so a kiss would always mean more than that to her, and kissing her back was leading her on.

It was wrong. It was selfish. There was a part of him that while kissing Peyton was almost testing, experimenting to see if maybe there was enough between them for him to make a family with her. Enough to give up the one person who had ever meant the world to him. _Haley_.

Unfortunately, it had taken that stupid, irreversible kiss and the fear of losing his fiancé to realize that she was all that he wanted. He was an idiot to believe for a second that he'd ever be happy without her.

Just the thought of Haley brought him back to reality and he raced over to the door, not knowing what he'd find on the other side. It had only been a few seconds since it was slammed shut and he hoped that if it was Haley, that she was still outside. He needed to talk to her. Explain. And just how the hell was he going to do that? He was in the wrong, he knew it and she would too.

But rather than his fiancé, Nathan found himself staring into the icy glare of one very pissed off Lucas. His first feeling was relief at the knowledge that Haley hadn't been witness to his betrayal. It would have hurt her so deeply to see him kissing Peyton. His second was guilt as he took in the way that his brother was looking at him as though he was the worst piece of scum to ever walk the earth.

"What the FUCK was that Nate? I could have been Haley. It would have killed her to see you kissing Peyton." Lucas had to resist the urge to hit his brother. Instead he paced along the veranda, running his hands agitatedly through his hair.

Nathan sighed. "Look. I know it looks bad, but it's not what you think."

Luke stalked towards his brother and shoved him against the wall. "What it looks like, you asshole, is that you kicked your _fiancé_ out of your home so that you could talk to your ex-girlfriend about your lovechild."

He stepped back from his brother, regretting his violent action. Taking a deep breath, he continued. "My wife spent the night consoling her, reassuring her that she had nothing to worry about. That you loved her and there was no way you would ever leave her for Peyton no matter what the circumstances. I came over here to talk some sense into you and warn you to treat her better before you lose her. Instead I find you making out with the woman you knocked up… and may I remind you, the woman who is not your fiancé. So don't give me any bullshit about it being different to how it looks."

"I know I've been an ass, but you don't understand Luke. I just got the biggest news of my life. This is something that is going to change my life forever. I didn't mean to upset Haley or make her feel like I didn't want her here, but things were getting really tense and Peyton was getting upset which isn't good for the baby, so…"

Nathan sat down on the step, feeling completely overwhelmed and having no idea how to handle the whole situation. Last night he felt as though he and Peyton had gotten everything sorted out. He would be involved in his child's life, but other than that not a lot else would change. How did he go from feeling relatively in control of the situation to feeling anything but in control? How did he always manage to screw up so badly?

"It didn't mean anything."

Lucas gave him a sharp look, warning him not to even try to lie.

"Okay. It didn't mean what you think. There's a lot of history between us and it was sort of an ending, you know? I feel bad for Peyton and all the pain I've caused her. I just wanted her not to hurt any more."

Taking a seat next to his brother, Lucas not to lose his temper. "Well sticking your tongue down her throat, knowing she's in love with you while you're still planning to marry someone else is not helping her!" He winced inwardly at his raised voiced. "Look. I know this is huge for you Nathan. But you're being completely selfish here if you don't see how much this is going to affect Haley's life as well as yours and Peyton's. If you can't realize that, then she really does deserve better than you." He looked up sharply as he remembered the scene he'd just witnessed. "You are still going to marry Haley aren't you?"

"Yes! Of course I am. I love Haley." Nathan's response was immediate and he knew in that moment that it was the truth. He couldn't believe that he'd thought for one second that he might be able to give up what he had with her.

"Well apparently you still love Peyton too. That is what you just told her right?  
You know… before you kissed her." He was unable to keep the sarcasm and contempt out of his voice

"The kiss was a mistake. Sort of saying goodbye. A goodbye kiss" Nathan felt like a heel as soon as the words left his mouth. He'd already come to terms with the fact that he couldn't justify it that way, and no matter how badly he wanted to fix the situation, he couldn't lie about it. Not to himself or anyone else.

"That's bullshit, Nate."

Nathan knew he deserved the grilling he was getting from Luke. He was an ass. Not only had he gotten into this mess, but no matter what happened, he was going to hurt the love of his life. Scratch that. He'd already hurt her, although unintentionally, by getting Peyton pregnant. Then he'd basically disregarded her feelings by asking her to leave their home. And now he was going to do it again by telling her the truth about what happened with Peyton. If they had any chance of working through all these issues, then he couldn't lie to her. Honestly was the only way.

"I know. I just don't know how I'm going to tell her about this Luke, but I have to."

Lucas patted Nathan's back supportively. No matter how stupid he'd been, he was still his brother and he was proud that Nathan was going to take responsibility and not try to keep this a secret.

"Yeah, you do."

"I just need to find the right time to break it to her gently. I can't just blurt it all out." Nathan sighed and rubbed his face with his hand in a gesture of frustration and helplessness.

"Too late." Nathan's head jerked up at hearing the hollow voice of his fiancé and a feeling of dread settled over him.

She was standing on the grass near the sidewalk, silent tears streaming down her face. The broken look in her eyes would forever be burnt into his memory, an image that would haunt him 'till the day he died.

Stood up, Nathan intending to go to her, but found that his feet wouldn't move. It was like he was rooted to the spot, his guilt and shame anchoring him.

Lucas didn't think he'd ever been in a more awkward situation in his life. He didn't belong there in the tension filled front yard with the two lovers who may or may not be engaged the next time he saw them. He needn't have worried about his presence affecting them because he realized that they'd both forgotten he was there altogether. So he left. Feeling useless. Wishing he could do something for them both, but knowing that it was something they needed to sort out on their own. Now he was dreading having to break the news to Brooke, who was sure to fly into a fit of rage, probably intent on castrating her brother-in-law.

Haley was numb. She had no idea how long she'd actually been standing there. She had been so nervous about coming home and finding out what Nathan had sorted out with Peyton, that she had managed to walk all the way from her cousin's house without registering any part of her journey. She could have quite possibly walked straight past the beach house if it hadn't been for hearing Luke yelling.

She'd never really heard him raise his voice before and it had stopped her in her tracks. Her first thought was that he was telling Nathan off for his behavior last night, but then she'd heard him mention the kiss and her whole world fell apart in that single moment. It had been her worst fear last night as she lay alone in the dark, wondering if she was going to lose her fiancé. Then when she'd finally fallen asleep, images of the two of them together had haunted her dreams. Unfortunately, the scene she was witnessing this morning was not a nightmare, but reality.

It hadn't occurred to Haley to make her presence known. It was doubtful she'd have been able to speak, the shock seeming to overcome her. With each word she overheard, the numbness began to wear off until she finally came to life again and knew she needed to interrupt them before she heard anything else that could break her heart even more.

"Hales." Nathan mentally chastised himself. This was his chance to make things right and all he could manage was to call her name pleadingly?

Nathan's voice was the final sound to snap her out of her dreamlike state. She looked at him and wanted to run into his arms, let him hold her and tell her everything was going to be alright. But it wasn't, and she wouldn't. She'd forgiven him one too many times already and each time he managed to hurt her a little more.

Walking straight past him, Haley entered the beach house struggling to stop the tears from flowing. She headed for the stairs before she heard another voice call her name. Whipping around Haley found Peyton standing in the living area, with a pleading expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, Haley. Nathan loves you and the kiss was my fault." Peyton had never felt so guilty in her life. She'd knowingly kissed an engaged man and hurt a friend in the process. She wondered if she could call Haley a friend anymore. By the look on the woman's face, she doubted it very much, but couldn't blame her either.

Haley couldn't even bring herself to respond, instead she glared at both the people responsible for the current searing pain in her heart and then continued up the stairs.

Nathan watched his fiancé turn her back and wondered if he'd finally managed to ruin the best thing he had going for him. He stared after her, long after she'd gone from his sight and struggled to think of a way to make this right. There had to be a way to get her to forgive him and see that it was a mistake and she was the only one he wanted.

"I'm really sorry Nathan. Maybe if I talk to her?"

Peyton's voice jolted him into action. He started up the stairs and without even a backward glance asked his told Peyton to leave just like he should have done the night before.

* * *

Upon entering their bedroom, Nathan found Haley zipping up a bag full of her clothes and he knew she was leaving. Would it be overnight to clear her head, a few days get some space… or would it be for forever?

"Hales, please don't leave. We need to talk about this. I need you to understand that it was a mistake and I want you to stay."

It was so hard ignoring him, pretending that he wasn't begging for her forgiveness when all she wanted to do was forgive him and move on with their lives, but she wouldn't do it. She couldn't give in and the best way to prevent that was to focus on the anger she was feeling.

"You kissed her Nathan! You still love her! What the hell am I supposed to do? She's having your baby and is going to be a huge part of your life. I can't spend the rest of my life wondering if something is going on between you to, or if you wish you had chosen her instead of me. I won't put myself through that."

Nathan went to her, placing he hands on either side of her face, forcing her look at him. "What I did was wrong. It was a stupid mistake that I made in a moment of confusion. I know it was wrong… but I also know it doesn't mean anything. You're the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with, Hales. You have to know that."

Haley sighed, fighting back the tears that wanted to flow. She placed her hands on top of his and gently pulled them away from her face. "I know you love me, Nate. I love you too."

Nathan sighed in relief and pulled her into a warm embrace, stroking her hair, never wanting to let her go. It felt like home having her in his arms and a burst of happiness went through him.

It would have been so easy to stay there in the arms of the man she loved, but it just wasn't possible, so she pulled herself away and walked to the other side of the room, needing distance to help keep her resolve.

"Don't, Nathan."

He stood confused, wondering what was going through her mind. He loved her, and she'd just said she still loved him so why was she pushing him away?

"Look. I know you love me and I know you're sorry. I know you say the kiss doesn't mean anything." Haley walked back to him and taking his hand, led him to the bed where they both sat facing each other.

"But it means something to me, Nathan." A small sob escaped her throat and she fought to keep herself together. She needed to explain how she was feeling. "It means that you don't love me the way I love you, because I could never kiss another man. You have my whole heart, Nathan, and I really don't think I can accept sharing yours with someone else. No matter how you spin it Nate, you still love her, and after this… I can't trust you."

Nathan tightened his hold on her hands. He couldn't let her go, he needed her. She was his life, his future. She meant the world to him. "You can trust me Hales. I promise. Peyton and I are just friends who will raise a child together. I'm not in love with her."

Unable to hold back the tears any longer, Haley tried dashing them away. "No, Nate. It's way more complicated that that. I'm sorry but I can't trust you… and that means we're over."

Dropping to his knees in front her, his eyes watering, Nathan wrapped his arms around her waist, holding on for dear life.

"Nate." She tried gently removing his arms. "Nate, stop. Please don't make this any harder than it has to be." She couldn't stand seeing him like that. He was like a lost little boy and it broke her heart to know she was causing his distress, but she had to put herself first. She had to protect herself.

Nathan let go of her and sat back on his heels.. "You don't mean it Haley. I know you're mad and upset and you have every right to be, but we love each other and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

Standing up, Haley was unable to meet his eyes, knowing that she would have trouble leaving if she could see anguish within them. She grabbed the bag she packed and went to leave, before she felt Nathan's hand catch her own. Standing frozen, unable to turn around she waited for him to speak, almost hoping for a miracle that would fix this mess, but knowing nothing could.

"Please. Don't leave me, Hales. Please don't go." Nathan stood up and moved in front of her, forcing her to face him. "I'll never hurt you again, Hales. I promise."

Haley tenderly, stroked his cheek, wishing she could take away his pain. "I'm sorry. I love you Nate, I really do with all my heart. You're the only man I've ever loved and I probably always will, but it's not enough."

She wiped away his tears and placed a small butterfly kiss on each of his eyelids, a loving gesture they'd begun to share. "I know you won't ever hurt me intentionally, but everything's changed. You have new priorities now and I don't begrudge you for putting your child first, but after last night, I see that means putting Peyton first too."

Nathan started to object, but she continued on, her heart breaking with each word she said. "I refuse to be the third person in this relationship. You obviously still love her in some way… so maybe it would be best for the two of you… and your baby to try and work things out."

Nathan was filled with disbelief. "No! You're my fiancé. I'm marrying you, not her. I don't want her. I'm in love with you, Hales. You're everything to me."

For a moment her resolve slipped. She knew he was speaking the truth. He did love her and he did want to marry her, but he seemed to be in denial about how hard it was going to be. It was better to protect herself now than get embroiled even deeper into this mess.

"I'm sorry." Haley took his hand and placed her engagement ring in his palm, before closing his fingers around it. Leaning forward, she placed a tender, kiss on his lips before pulling away and looking at him sadly.

Nathan was frozen to the spot and could only look on as she made her way to the door. She paused briefly and turned to face him, hurt flashing in her eyes. "Now, that was a goodbye kiss."

* * *

**_AN: I'm so sorry! This is the longest it's ever taken me to update, but a mix of no spare time and writer's block made the delay inevitable. I have reworked this chapter so many times that I can't even look at it anymore, so I apologise if it's not up to scratch._**

_**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'm glad most of you liked it even though I was worried about the quality of work. It seemed to be another controversial chapter with some people saying they won't be reading anymore due to Haley being weak and always forgiving Nate. I hope they change their minds because even though they think they might know what's going to happen, I'm the writer and therefore the only person who knows for sure. I think they might be surprised.**_

_**Anyway, I will try to update faster this time. It just depends on my work schedule. Thanks for all your support.**_

_**Lorilozz**_


	14. Someday

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 14 – Someday**

* * *

"_Please. Don't leave me, Hales. Please don't go." Nathan stood up and moved in front of her, forcing her to face him. "I'll never hurt you again, Hales. I promise."_

_Haley tenderly, stroked his cheek, wishing she could take away his pain. "I'm sorry. I love you Nate, I really do with all my heart. You're the only man I've ever loved and I probably always will, but it's not enough." _

_She wiped away his tears and placed a small butterfly kiss on each of his eyelids, a loving gesture they'd begun to share. "I know you won't ever hurt me intentionally, but everything's changed. You have new priorities now and I don't begrudge you for putting your child first, but after last night, I see that means putting Peyton first too."_

_Nathan started to object, but she continued on, her heart breaking with each word she said. "I refuse to be the third person in this relationship. You obviously still love her in some way… so maybe it would be best for the two of you… and your baby to try and work things out."_

_Nathan was filled with disbelief. "No! You're my fiancé. I'm marrying you, not her. I don't want her. I'm in love with you, Hales. You're everything to me."_

_For a moment her resolve slipped. She knew he was speaking the truth. He did love her and he did want to marry her, but he seemed to be in denial about how hard it was going to be. It was better to protect herself now than get embroiled even deeper into this mess._

"_I'm sorry." Haley took his hand and placed her engagement ring in his palm, before closing his fingers around it. Leaning forward, she placed a tender, kiss on his lips before pulling away and looking at him sadly._

_Nathan was frozen to the spot and could only look on as she made her way to the door. She paused briefly and turned to face him, hurt flashing in her eyes. "Now, that was a goodbye kiss."_

* * *

God she was beautiful. No. More than beautiful. There was not a single word in the English language that could encompass everything that made up Haley James. There was definitely no word to describe what she was to him.

He spent all his time missing her, his days filled with emptiness, barely surviving except for the knowledge that this one night every week he could watch her, drink her in and revive his soul. He knew he might appear a little strange lurking at the bar, never talking to anyone, simply waiting for her, watching her intently, but no one else mattered. This night was just about the two of them and even though they never spoke, he felt close to her and that would have to be enough.

Her fingers ran over the keys as though performing a dance they knew off by heart. She had never really thought of herself as much of a performer. Her sights had always been set on sharing the magic of music with others, helping budding musicians be all that they could be. But over the past six weeks performing at Tric, she had a new appreciation for the performance, the ability to draw people in, touch their hearts and make them smile.

She'd learnt a lot about herself since she'd broken off her engagement to Nathan. Her path was no longer set in stone and opportunities seemed to presenting themselves at every turn. Sometimes it felt like her weeks with Nathan had been nothing more than a dream… an amazing dream that made her heart soar, but a dream nonetheless. She hadn't spoken to him since she left their home… his home that day and although there were countless times she wanted to pick up the phone and call just to hear his voice, or drop in to see him, she knew it wouldn't help her move on.

Haley could feel his eyes burning into her now, just as they did every week she performed. He attended every one of her performances, sitting in the back, never once approaching her, leaving right after she finished and the most confusing part for her was that she never quite knew if she was hurt or relieved by it. Although unsettling, knowing he was watching her also lifted her performance, she felt buzzed and energized knowing that she had his undivided attention, knowing that he still loved her and that he still cared enough to support her.

As she finished her performance for the evening their gazes locked across the room and she felt herself drowning in an ocean of him. She tried to look away, but it was hopeless, she was trapped. Their connection was broken as a waitress stood in from of his table and when she moved, he had disappeared, just like all the times before.

The crowd was still showering her with applause, so she smiled and waved before leaving the stage. As she made her way down the narrow hall to the greenroom she felt two strong arms wrap around her from behind. For a second her heart fluttered with happiness and hope that maybe tonight his pattern had changed and he'd come to talk to her. During their short relationship, Nathan had so often taken her by surprise, twining his arms around her and softly kissing her neck. But her hope soon faded as she realized this was different. The touch was less tender, unfamiliar… not Nathan.

"Hey gorgeous! You were amazing again tonight. The crowd loves you babe. How many times do I have tell you before you'll believe me?"

Haley pulled herself from his grasp and turned, trying not to look annoyed. She liked Chris, she really did, but she was definitely not in the mood for another of his lectures pressuring her to make a decision. Chris Keller was a fellow musician who also had regular gigs at Tric. He had watched her perform her first gig after she had broken up with Nathan, and approached her about the possibility of working with him on a demo he was about to record.

Needing to keep her mind off Nathan, she happily accepted his offer and was surprised at how well they worked together. Chris seemed to bring out the best in her voice and her songwriting talent, but unfortunately he also seemed to want be more than friends. She had explained her history with Nathan and that she didn't know when she would ever be ready to move on with someone else, and even though he said he respected that, Haley still felt a little uneasy around him at times.

"Thanks. It was a great crowd." She hated the way he was looking at her now with lust in his eyes. "Um… I have to go… change. I'll see you later."

He placed his hand on her arm, stopping her from leaving. "Have you thought about what I asked Haley?"

"I told you I'd think about it Chris, but no, I don't have an answer yet."

"Is it about Nathan? I thought you said it was over with him. Soon he'll be off having babies and playing basketball with no time to even think about you, so why are you letting him affect your decision?"

Haley was annoyed by his comment and the harsh tone in his voice. "How I make my decisions has nothing to do with you Chris. You gave me until tomorrow night to give you an answer and you will have it by then" She sighed wearily before continuing to the greenroom.

Closing the door behind her, Haley sighed heavily and fought away tears that threatened to fall. What Chris had said about Nathan moving on without her had hit home, and even though it was her decision to break things off and for him to try with Peyton, it still hurt to think of them making a family together.

Of course, she had no idea what Nathan and Peyton's relationship had become, or would become in the future and she knew she had no right to be jealous now that she'd left him.

Nathan, who had been waiting for Haley, watched silently, his heart breaking at seeing her so emotionally drained and upset. He wanted to say something, let her know that he was there, but had no idea where to start.

Suddenly she looked up and her eyes locked with his.

"Nate? What are you doing here?" she asked in disbelief.

He stood up and smiled shyly, not sure how to say what he wanted to say. After a long silence, he breathed out heavily and asked her to take a seat so they could talk. Unable to find her voice, Haley nodded and sat down next to him, and became all to aware of the sudden closeness. She hadn't been close to him for weeks and it was like coming home, her heart raced, and she had to force herself not to reach out and touch him.

"I'm so glad you've started performing every week Hales. You're great up there."

Haley smiled widely, her heart warming at his compliment. She thought it funny how the words from Nathan meant so much, whereas Chris saying almost the exact same thing didn't make her feel much at all.

"Thanks. I never thought I'd love it as much as I do. I still love teaching, but… well plans change."

There was an uncomfortable silence as they both knew that she was referring to the fact the her dream of owning and running a music school had been shattered. Although Nathan had tried to get to still take on the 'Dulcet Tones Music School', Haley felt that she could no longer accept such a gesture from him, not to mention that she wouldn't feel comfortable moving to Charlotte to run the school when they were no longer a couple. Unfortunately, she had already informed Tree Hill High that she wouldn't be taking the teaching role she had offered, so she found herself unemployed which was actually part of the reason for taking the gigs at Tric.

"How have you been? I've missed you." Nathan wondered if he'd made a mistake with his admission, but she simply smiled, placing her hand over his. "I've missed you too."

Another awkward silence followed as they both struggled to find the right words. Nathan knew that just because she had admitted to missing him, didn't mean she had changed her mind. The worst thing he could do was push her, but he was running out of time.

Haley's thoughts were jumbled and she had trouble reconciling her heart with her head. Her heart was telling her to just forgive Nathan, move on and deal with any problems they may face in the future together… but her head was telling her that there were too many obstacles, that she would get hurt and if they were meant to be together, then now wasn't the right time for them.

The thought that maybe their time would come someday in the future brought her hope and relief. A time when they could be together and start a family… live out the dreams they'd spoken of so often.

"How are you coping with the thought of being a daddy?"

His smile was genuine as thought of his unborn child. It had only been a month and half since he discovered he was to be a father, but already he loved his baby. "I'm happy, excited… scared shitless that I'm gonna screw up. The thought that I could end up like Dan terrifies me."

He hadn't been able to tell anyone about his fears, not Lucas or Brooke, not even Peyton, but with Haley it was natural to speak the truth. He trusted her not to judge him.

She held his hand reassuringly and smiled her beautiful, soft smile that always melted his heart. "You're nothing like Dan. You have a beautiful heart and I know you're going to make an amazing father. I always thought you would."

Haley faltered with her last words, just thinking about all the plans they had made for having their own children. Every time she thought about it, it was like grieving for a family she never actually had.

"Hales. I'm sorry. I know this hurts you, and I've tried to stay away because I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have… but there's something I need to tell you."

She looked up at him, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. "What is it?"

"I'm leaving for Charlotte tomorrow. Pre-season starts next week and we need to get settled in."

Haley's heart broke at his words. Not only that he was leaving, but also because she knew the answer to the question she was about to ask.

"We? You said 'we' need to get settled."

Nathan cursed himself for his slip of the tongue. He had wanted to break the news to her gently, make her understand his reasons. "Yeah. Peyton's coming with me."

His confirmation of Haley's fears hit her like a ton of bricks. Peyton was going to Charlotte with him. She would share his home. Have his baby. Peyton was going to live the life she, herself was supposed to have. The life she and Nathan had planned before everything blew up in their faces. She had no right to be angry or jealous considering she had told him to work things out with Peyton, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

Nathan watched as she suddenly closed herself off from him. He noticed her back straighten and felt the loss of warmth as she removed her hand from his.

"Oh. Okay."

Nathan knew she was jumping to conclusions. Brooke and Lucas had thought the same thing when he'd told them earlier in the day, but he was not going to say goodbye without her knowing the truth. No more misunderstandings would ever come between them again.

"Peyton and I are just friends. We've decided that it's best for her to live with me so that I can help her out with the baby. I don't want to miss out on anything. We're not together. It's just easier that way for me to be involved in my child's life."

Haley tried her best to put on a convincing smile, but it was obvious that she was hurt by the news and putting on a brave face for his benefit. "It's okay Nate. I understand… and you don't have to explain yourself to me."

A lone tear fell down her cheek before Nathan couldn't take it any longer and pulled her into a warm embrace. He had always thought he'd spend the rest of his life protecting the woman in his arms and yet, at the moment it felt like he was the one thing she needed protection from.

"I love you, Hales."

Haley's sobs became louder as she fought the battle to stay in control of her emotions. He felt her begin to pull away, but only held her closer, rubbing her back and tenderly stroking her hair. He pulled away to wipe the tears from her face but before long their gazes had locked and he couldn't stop himself from capturing her lips in a desperate, searing kiss. She tried to resist at first, but it was a feeble attempt when all she wanted to do was surrender to the moment and the man she loved with all her heart. In the back of her mind she knew this may be the last time she would ever feel the safety of being in his arms, the love and need of his kiss and his embrace.

Nathan had never felt anything as right as being there with Haley. It was like all of their troubles disappeared and it was just the two of them and the love they shared. Unfortunately, the real work is always waiting for you, and their bubble of happiness shattered as soon as they parted for air.

He could see the confusion in her eyes. He knew she was torn between letting herself go and holding herself back.

"Hales. It doesn't have to be like this. I know I made a mistake, but I love you and you are the only woman I will ever want. Please, will you give us another chance?"

She'd never wanted to hear any other words more in her life, but she knew it would be a mistake to go back now. She had made a decision and was coming to terms with that decision so changing her mind now while being so emotional would be a mistake.

"I'm sorry, Nathan. I can't." She forced the words from her mouth when all she wanted to do was say 'yes'. Unable to bear the pain and disappointment in his eyes, she stood up and left the room, seeking out the bathroom where she could hide until she felt it was safe to come back out. Her resolve was fading and it was entirely possible that she would give in if she didn't get away from him.

Feeling completely out of control with tears blurring her vision, Haley raced down the hall before slamming into a hard chest. She looked up to see Chris looking at her with genuine concern in his eyes.

"Haley? Are you okay? What's wrong?"

In that moment, with her world spiraling out of control, Haley made her decision. It was time to move forward.

"I've made my decision. I'm coming on tour with you"

Chris' face lit up with a warm smile but it soon disappeared. "Are you sure Haley? You seem really upset and I want to make sure that you feel you've made the right decision. I know I've been pressuring you, but I really do want you to be sure that this is definitely what you want to do."

This was a new side of Chris that she hadn't seen before. He was always so arrogant and cocky, never seeming to care about anything or anyone, but she believed that he really did want what was best for her.

"I'm sure. It's time for me to move on. I'm ready to do that now." She managed a watery smile, knowing that she had spoken the truth.

Chris' smile returned and he picked her up, twirling her around causing them both to laugh. Haley's heart was still breaking but she felt that by moving on she could start to mend and find happiness again. She also held onto the hope that she and Nathan would find their way back to one another… someday.

As Nathan watched the love of his life laugh in the arms of another man at the far end of the hallway, he realized in that moment that he'd really lost her and she would inevitably move on with someone else, if not with this man, then another who was worthy of her heart. Even so, he knew he would never give up hope that he could win her back again… someday.

* * *

**_Author's Note: Once again… I am sorry about the long delay. Unfortunately it really couldn't be avoided. I have had chronic back problems over the past few weeks and was not allowed to sit at a computer for more than a couple of minutes at a time... and I have been on that many painkillers that I don't think my writing would have made much sense!_**

**_Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate everyone's feedback immensely and it really does help me with both my story and my writing in general._**

**_Thank you all for your patience. I hope to be able to update within 2 weeks. Have a great Easter for those who will be celebrating. I hope the Easter Bunny visits you._**

_**Lorilozz**_

**_xoxox _**


	15. Altercations & Reunions

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 15 – Altercations & Reunions**

**

* * *

**

"Miss James. Miss James! Haley!"

Haley struggled to smile gracefully while, what felt like a million flashbulbs were going off right in front of her face. Tonight should have been just another charity event, but it also happened to coincide with the announcement that she had received four Grammy nominations for her debut album. No one had been more surprised than she at the unexpected popularity of her music and she could only assume that the media circus surrounding her was just a glimpse of what was to come, especially if she managed to win some of those awards in a month's time.

"Miss James, welcome to the 2010 Annual Safe And Sound Charity Dinner."

"Thank you. It's such a pleasure to be invited again this year, especially when it's for such a good cause."

After a few minutes discussing the Safe And Sound charity and the signed guitar Haley had offered for auction, conversation turned to more personal questions. "Is it true that you are in a romantically involved with long time friend and fellow musician Chris Keller?"

Haley managed to smile at the red carpet reporter who had asked such a common and increasingly frustrating question. It was all so new having perfect strangers ask about her romantic entanglements, but she was quickly becoming used to intrusiveness that accompanied her rising fame… not that there was anything to tell.

"No. Chris has been a dear friend of mine for a couple of years now and our relationship has always been strictly platonic… And please call me Haley"

"Okay. Are you seeing anyone else at the moment, Haley?"

Haley smiled and shook her head lightly, careful not to ruin her hair, which had been hastily pinned up in an elegant twist, in a mad rush to arrive on time. "No I'm happily single."

In truth, besides Chris, she had generally tried to steer clear of men altogether. After her break up with Nathan, Haley had been determined to move on with her life and she was truly happy with what she had achieved in the past three years, but besides the massive success she was experiencing in her career, her social life left much to be desired.

As much as she hated to admit it, Nathan still had her heart. She no longer thought of him every day, but when she had a spare moment to herself, her mind to would wander to the memories she held so dear of the man who she still believed to be her soul mate. Although she hadn't seen him since leaving Tree Hill, the image of his raven hair and sparkling blue eyes were forever imprinted in her mind.

"Everyone was hoping you might have a lucky man with you tonight, Haley. It's very daring of you to come alone." The reporter was giving her all to get some gossip out of America's newest rising star.

The blonde chuckled slightly, showing her amusement at the continued questioning. "It's not daring at all. I happen to enjoy my own company and don't need a man around to have a good time."

Just as Haley began to step away, the reporter flashed a cheeky grin and asked "How about a lucky woman?"

"You never give up, do you?" Haley chuckled before moving away from the reporter who was now approaching the next celebrity guest.

After making her way down the red carpet while successfully managing to avoid an embarrassing stumble in her incredibly impractical, but irresistibly sexy heels, Haley made her way inside the venue and began mingling with the other guests. Although she didn't consider herself one of the Hollywood in-crowd, she had managed to make quite a few good friends amongst the acting and music community through mutual interests in charity events and functions.

Usually Chris would accompany her to these sorts of evenings, but he had a date with a fellow musician he'd met rehearsing for his next tour and rather than finding a replacement and having to deal with gossip about possible romances, Haley had thought it best to arrive solo.

Upon seeing the table allocations and who would be sitting to her left for the evening, Haley wished she hadn't come at all. Staring at the place setting was like taking a trip back in time and it was something she didn't think she was ready to face. She should have known that this might happen one day, the two of them crossing paths. After all, he was an NBA player, he traveled in similar circles and attended similar events. Taking a deep breath, she quickly turned and made her way to the bar, needing a few moments to gather her thoughts and prepare herself for the rest of the evening which was sure to be painful and never ending.

Fortifying herself with a glass of champagne, she made her way back to the table at the request of the night's emcee who was getting the function under way. As soon a she took her seat, Haley could feel his eyes boring into her and she wished she could disappear.

"Haley James. It's been a long time." The words were slurred indicating he was already drunk before the night had begun.

Haley simply nodded, pretending to listen to the man on stage currently outlining the work performed by the organization that this dinner was in aid of.

"You may not remember me babe, but I never forget a pretty face… or a good fuck."

Haley spun to face him, mouth agape, wanting to scream but unable to utter a single sound. A few people on their table were glaring at him to be quiet, but he didn't seem to notice, his attention was focused solely on the woman before him.

She felt like curling into a ball or hiding underneath the table. After all these years she thought she had gotten over the traumatic event of her youth, but facing Paul Marsh again, the man who had raped her and taken her virginity as a teenager, Haley felt just like the scared and vulnerable girl she had been that night on the beach in Tree Hill. Her only thoughts were to ignore him, make it to the first break without causing a scene and then go home where she could forget she'd ever seen this monster again.

"What? You too good to talk to me now that you're a star? Well you weren't too good for me back in Tree Hill were you? You were practically begging me for it back then!" Paul's voice had risen so much that those on tables close by were staring, wondering what all the commotion was about.

Haley's eyes narrowed as a wave of anger ran through her. How dare he twist the truth about what happened! Just the thought of him implying what had happened that night was in any way consensual, had her fear subsiding and her fighting instincts coming to the forefront.

"What happened in Tree Hill is what most people call rape! You are lucky I never reported you, but if you don't shut up right now, I won't keep quiet about it any longer."

Paul's eyes flashed with malice as he reached out, wrapping a large hand around her petite wrist, pulling her to him roughly. "Are you threatening me you little bitch?"

Haley tried unsuccessfully to pull out of his grasp, feeling frightened again by the wild look in his eyes.

"Get your fucking hands off her _now_!"

Haley was startled by the low and angry, yet familiar voice which caused Paul to drop her wrist. She couldn't believe her eyes. Out of nowhere, there was Nathan, pulling Paul out of his chair and punching him in the face with enough force to send him to the floor.

By this stage every guest had turned to watch the altercation, the emcee stopping his presentation while many guests speculated on what could be the cause of the fight between the two NBA players over Haley James.

Nathan had seen her the moment she entered the building and had barely taken his eyes off her for a second. He'd encountered Marsh on numerous occasions since he'd found out what he did to Haley, and each time it was an effort to keep his anger in check. When he realized who she had been seated next to, it took all his will power not to march over and belt the crap out of the sorry excuse of a man. Instead he kept an eye on the two, ready to pounce at the first sign of Haley being uncomfortable or threatened, and when that time came, the blind rage that overtook him was instantaneous.

Not caring that hundreds of people, including various friends and acquaintances had seen his sudden outburst, Nathan only knew that he needed to protect Haley, and that meant showing Paul Marsh that if he knew what was good for him, he'd never go near her again.

"Are you okay?" His voice so full of genuine concern almost brought tears to her eyes.

Haley nodded, unable to find her voice. But as soon as she saw that Paul had gotten to his feet and was looking menacingly at Nathan, she cried out. "Nathan, watch out."

Heeding the warning just a second too late, Nathan was hit hard in the jaw and stumbled backwards into the nearest table. He soon recovered and charged at Paul, sending them both into another table, breaking several chairs and sending guests scrambling away in the process. It was all over in a few moments once security had reached the two men, but it was enough time for both of them to have sustained some nasty cuts and bruises.

Haley looked on shell-shocked but willingly took Nathan's outstretched hand and followed him to the exit. She didn't even have to think about it, she felt safe with him and it was like a natural instinct to trust him. As soon as the door opened, the photographers that had been camped outside the venue took in the sight of the disheveled couple, noticing Haley's fragile composure and Nathan's injuries before they immediately began snapping pictures and calling out questions.

Wanting to get away from the media, Nathan broke into a jog, pulling Haley along behind him. She struggled to keep up in her high heels, but they soon reached Nathan's car and got in, pulling away from the curb just before the paparazzi had caught up to them.

Haley stared ahead, unable to think about the events of the evening, or the media frenzy that would come as a result of what had happened. Instead, she could only concentrate on the electricity in the air between her and her ex-lover. It sizzled and cracked and if she didn't get out of the car soon she knew she'd go crazy with wanting to touch him.

Nathan's feelings mirrored her own. He was so keenly aware of how close she was to him in the tiny sports car, intoxicated by the fresh scent that was so unmistakably hers and enamored by how beautiful she looked, pink cheeks flushed from their recent escapades.

It wasn't until Nathan pulled up in front of his large home that Haley realized she had never even asked where he was taking her. The sight of the beautiful mansion stirred many different emotions within her. This was Nathan's home. It could have been her home at one point, the home she and Nathan would have shared together and where they would have raised their children together. A familiar empty ache grew inside of her as she thought about how lonely she was living alone in her two bedroom apartment on the other side of LA.

Not for the first time she thought about how strange it was that they had both ended up in the same city across the country from their home town, yet they were still so far apart. Haley had based herself in LA as soon as she finished the tour that had taken her away from Tree Hill and she had been picked up by her record label. When she found out that Nathan had been traded to the LA Lakers only a few months later, she wondered if she was ever going to be able to move on and put their relationship behind her.

"You finished gawking yet or you ready to come inside?"

She was startled out of her thoughts by his question and her breath caught at the familiar smirk on his face. It lightened the atmosphere between them and she couldn't help but smile back before getting out of the car and following him into the house.

Nathan had trouble believing that after all this time Haley was actually standing in his home, his immediate thought being that it was where she belonged, where she should have been all along. He urged her into the living room before excusing himself to clean up. He went upstairs to his daughter's playroom where the babysitter was curled up on the couch reading a novel and excused her for the night with full pay. As was his usual nightly routine, he popped his head into this daughter's room to make sure she was okay before taking a shower to clean himself up.

After a few minutes of nervously waiting for Nathan to finish his shower, Haley heard a faint noise but wasn't sure what it was. Worried that he might have hurt himself, Haley followed the sound up the stairs. Upon reaching the landing she was able to distinguish a child's crying and soon found herself outside a door with a large pink flower painted on it.

She opened the door wider and found a toddler sitting up in a gorgeous pink cot, wailing at the top of her lungs. As soon as the little girl saw Haley standing in the doorway, her crying subsided to a few sobs as she stared wide eyed at the strange woman before her. Haley knew that this must be Nathan's daughter Lilliana, for the physical resemblance was too great for there to be any doubt, yet she felt as though she was intruding on a part of his life she had no right to. Turning slowly, she began to exit the room when the child's cries began again and the thought of such a defenseless child so upset was too much for her to ignore.

As soon as she approached the cot, Lilliana reached out for her and Haley's heart melted. She lifted the girl from her cot and Haley soon found the toddler had wrapped two tiny arms around her neck and nestled her head into the crook of her shoulder while still quietly sobbing and shaking slightly.

"Do you want me to sing you a song Lilliana?" Haley whispered sweetly into her raven curls. "Will that help you sleep sweetheart?"

Lilliana nodded and pulled back to look into Haley's eyes. As she began to sing, the blonde just couldn't believe how right it felt to hold Nathan's child in her arms.

_Smile though your heart is aching  
Smile even though its breaking  
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by  
If you smile through your fear and sorrow  
Smile and maybe tomorrow  
You'll see the sun come shining through for you_

Light up your face with gladness  
Hide every trace of sadness  
Although a tear may be ever so near  
That's the time you must keep on trying  
Smile, whets the use of crying?  
You'll find that life is still worthwhile  
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying  
Smile, whets the use of crying?  
You'll find that life is still worthwhile  
If you just smile

Once she finished had the last verse, Haley looked down to find the child asleep at last. After taking a few moments to hold her close and take in her baby fresh scent, Haley placed Lilliana back in the cot and fixed the covers around her.

Nathan had witnessed the beautiful scene since his heart melting at the way Haley had lifted his daughter from her cot and so tenderly comforted her like a mother would. Like Peyton never had. He shook his head at the though of his daughter's mother and her abandonment. He had basically lost his relationship with Haley because of Peyton, and after everything, she'd given up and failed him and their daughter. He would never forgive her for that.

"Nathan! You scared me." She whispered breathless from the fright of finding him watching her.

Haley tiptoed out of the bedroom and Nathan closed the door behind them. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you so I just waited until you were done."

"I hope I wasn't out of line. It's just that I heard her crying and she just seemed to want someone to hold on to… and well, I was the only one around so…"

Nathan pulled her into a hug showing her just how much he appreciated what she'd done for Lily. "It's more than okay, Hales. Thank you."

Both of them wanted the embrace to last forever, but they reluctantly pulled away and Nathan led them back downstairs to the living room where he poured them both a drink. Taking a seat beside her, Nathan tried to think of what to say. What do you say to your soul mate who you haven't seen for years?

Nathan produced a small first aid kit. "Would you mind? I think I need a few strip above my eye."

"Sure. Anything for my hero" Nathan chuckled before wincing as Haley placed ointment on his cut.

After fixing his cuts, Haley could see Nathan struggling with the silence and placed a comforting hand over his, causing him to smile at her and how much she still knew him better than any one else ever had. "I've missed you, Hales."

"I've missed you too, Nate. It's been a long time. I can't believe how big Lilliana is. I remember seeing the photos in magazines after she was born and she was just so tiny…"

"Yeah, it still seems like yesterday to me, holding her in the hospital for the first time."

Haley loved how wistful he sounded when he spoke of his daughter. It was obvious that he adored his little girl. "It must have been a wonderful day for you."

Nathan wished he could agree with her statement, but even though he had been so amazingly happy about the birth of his daughter, it was also the day Peyton had changed into a completely different person from the friend that he had known for such a long time. Every time he remembered her reaction to their daughter, he felt so much pain, anger and disappointment.

_"Hey Peyt. I'm glad you're awake. There's someone who's been waiting to meet you." _

_Nathan eyed her warily as she refused to look at him or their child. She had been forced to have a c-section due to a slight complication and had only woken up a few minutes ago, meaning she hadn't had a chance to see their daughter yet. _

_He walked around to the other side of the bed where Peyton's head was turned, but instead of responding to him, she simply closed her eyes and turned to face the other way. _

_"Peyt? What's going on? Are you feeling okay? Should I get a nurse?" _

_Leveling him with an icy glare, she responded in a cold emotionless voice. "The only thing I need you to do is leave me the fuck alone!" _

"For the next few days in hospital and the following weeks at home, I tried to get Peyton to interact with Lily. She even refused to help me name her, so I chose a name that we had both discussed and liked before she was born."

"The doctors eventually diagnosed her as suffering Post Natal Depression and recommended medication as well as counseling. For a while I saw some improvement and held out hope that Lily would be able to have a loving relationship with her mother, but soon enough Peyton withdrew from us again. Eventually she started working again and only taking on overseas assignments. And every time she left it was like Lily didn't matter."

For a long time Nathan put up with Peyton's behavior, constantly playing both father and mother to their child while trying to help them bond, but it was no use because six months earlier Peyton had informed him that she'd gotten a job with a high profile magazine in Europe and would be moving over there permanently. She didn't even want visitation rights with her daughter, simply choosing to leave and forget Lilliana ever existed. He hadn't heard from her once since she'd walked out the front door.

"She left six months ago to live and work overseas without even a second thought of her daughter. So, I've given up. There's nothing more I can do."

Haley was in shock after hearing Nathan's story. She had asked Brooke and Lucas not to talk about Nathan or Peyton around her because it was just too hard for her to deal with. She had seen snippets about them in magazines over the years, but avoided reading them because she knew only too well how many lies were spread by the media.

She knew that Peyton was working for a magazine in Europe, but she had assumed that it was a temporary job and that she was still in communication with her family. Haley would never have thought it possible for a mother to completely abandon her child the way Peyton had, and immediately she felt guilty for not being there for Nathan over the years when he could have used her help and her friendship.

"I'm so sorry, Nate. I had no idea that things had gotten so bad for you guys."

Nathan knew she was being completely genuine and wasn't surprised at all by her kind, caring heart. "I know, Hales. Luke told me that you guys don't talk about us."

Haley's face flushed with embarrassment and shame. It all sounded so spiteful and immature, but she had just felt that hearing about Nathan and Peyton's life together, whether they were a couple or not would be too painful, so it was better to avoid the topic altogether.

"I understand why you chose to do that Haley. It's okay."

Haley felt the tears coming on and tried to fight them, but here eyes grew glassy and the first drops began to fall. "It's not okay, Nate. I should have been here to help you through all of this but instead I turned away from you. I should have been a stronger person. A better person."

Nathan pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her, crushing her to his chest. "You are the best person I've ever known Haley James and I don't want you blaming yourself for things that are not your fault. Let's just start fresh now. We can be friends can't we?"

Haley pulled away from him, wiping her eyes before flashing an embarrassed smile. "Of course we can, Nate. We will always be friends"

He knew it was wrong, but he also couldn't help the way he felt. Leaning in slowly, giving her a chance to pull away, Nathan gently brushed his lips against hers. "Yeah, friends" he murmured before deepening the kiss. He loved the way she succumbed to him immediately, opening her mouth at the slightest touch of his tongue.

"Oh God, Nate. I've missed this." She whispered breathlessly as he kissed his way down her neck to her bare shoulder. He lowered them back onto the couch where they both began an exploration of each others bodies, so familiar, yet each caress was like a completely new sensation. Nathan reached the zipper of her dress and slowly pulled it all the way down, her breasts freeing from the previously constricting bodice. Nathan groaned as her creamy flesh fell into his hands and he pulled a pert rosy nipple into his mouth.

Gasping, Haley felt a million sensations run through her body, liquid fire flowed from her rosy peak down to her damp centre. She felt herself getting lost in the sensation but still a little seed of doubt rested in her mind.

"This is wrong. We should stop."

Nathan pulled away staring down at her, knowing exactly what she was feeling. They were rushing into things. Nothing had been discussed or resolved. Was this the beginning of a relationship, or just one night for old time's sake? He had heard the rumors about her and Chris Keller and each new report fed his jealousy, but right at that moment he didn't care. The outside world didn't matter. It was just the two of them.

"I know. But it fees so damn right, babe." Nathan whispered, leaning his forehead against hers.

"Yeah" She agreed before flashing him a saucy smile and pulling his mouth back down to hers.

* * *

**_Author's Note: Firstly, a big shout out to BabbleBaby for helping me upload this chapter. Without her help none of you would be reading this right now. _**

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**_Thank you to all the amazing readers who are sticking with my story despite lengthy update delays… and especially those of you who take the time to review and let me know your thoughts._**

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**_I'm not going to apologise for taking almost 2 weeks to update because it is actually a little quicker than I thought it would be… AND THE DAMN SITE WOULDN'T LET ME UPLOAD THE DOCUMENT!!! and I have been using my time for a very good cause. Trying to save One Tree Hill! Unfortunately we only came in third on the E! SOS (Save Our Show) poll, however there are still a few others going on at the moment. Check out the link below and go and vote… help save One Tree Hill. I'm sure you would all like to see a 5th season. _**

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www put dots where there are spaces. People are voting around the clock to show support for our show, so please help them. 

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	16. Accusations

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 16 – Accusations**

* * *

_Gasping, Haley felt a million sensations run through her body, liquid fire flowed from her rosy peak down to her damp centre. She felt herself getting lost in the sensation but still a little seed of doubt rested in her mind._

"_This is wrong. We should stop." _

_Nathan pulled away staring down at her, knowing exactly what she was feeling. They were rushing into things. Nothing had been discussed or resolved. Was this the beginning of a relationship, or just one night for old time's sake? He had heard the rumors about her and Chris Keller and each new report fed his jealousy, but right at that moment he didn't care. The outside world didn't matter. It was just the two of them._

"_I know. But it fees so damn right, babe." Nathan whispered, leaning his forehead against hers._

"_Yeah" She agreed before flashing him a saucy smile and pulling his mouth back down to hers._

* * *

They both lay spent, gasping for air after trying to get a hold of their physical selves as well as their conflicting emotions.

"I'm sorry, Hales. That was over way too quickly. I should have taken more time with you…"

Haley cut him off with a sweet kiss, but quickly pulled away as she continued to catch her breath. Their coupling had been hard and urgent, over in just a few minutes. The desperate need within them both to become one again had won out over wanting to take it slow and savor every moment of their lovemaking.

"Nathan, don't you dare apologise for just giving me the most intense sexual experience of my life. It was amazing."

He was so relieved to know that she had enjoyed their rushed and passionate encounter. It had been so damned long since he'd been with a woman and he had wanted… no, _needed_ her so badly that he just couldn't hold back.

"I'm glad, but I wanted it to be perfect for you… for us. It's just that it's been a while… and…"

Haley pushed away the automatic, niggling feelings of jealousy as she thought of Nathan with another woman. He'd said it had been a while since he'd been intimate, which probably meant the six months since Peyton had left him and his child. Upon seeing the uncertainty on his face, she smiled widely, enjoying his boyish shyness. It was a rare occasion to find Nathan Scott so unsure of himself in the bedroom. "Me too, Nate. And it _was_ perfect."

He rolled on his side, cupping her flushed face in his hands and placed a lingering kiss on her soft mouth, before standing from the couch and offering his hand to pull her up. After gathering their clothing which had been strewn around the room, Nathan led her upstairs to his bed, hoping that he would be able to keep her there forever.

As she lay down on Nathan's beautiful silk sheets and settled into his warm embrace, Haley decided not to worry about the consequences of their actions. For now she just wanted to enjoy at least one night in the arms of the man she loved. Tomorrow would bring questions that she wasn't sure she was prepared to answer, but until the sun rose on a new day, she could take comfort in the knowledge that it was just the two of them and the darkness.

Long after the love of his life had fallen asleep in his arms, Nathan lay awake, trying to enjoy the feeling of her warm, silky skin against his, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shake the feeling that this contentment wouldn't last.

Eventually sleep claimed him and he didn't wake until he felt the subtle shift of his mattress. Fear constricted his heart as he imagined Haley sneaking out of his home, his life and never looking back. Would she leave a note again this time? Would she think it just another mistake?

Frozen by his fears, Nathan kept his eyes closed and listened to the rustling of the sheets as she sat up and then walked around the room. He didn't dare open his eyes for he knew his heart couldn't stand the pain of actually seeing her leaving him again.

A few minutes later, after he was sure that she had gone, Nathan built up the courage to get out of bed. His body felt heavy with sadness and disappointment. He knew it was irrational, after all, they had only run into each other again by a twist of fate after being apart for 3 years. They had foolishly given into their desires without discussing any of the issues which lay unresolved between them. He was stupid for believing that after one perfect night together, she'd just welcome him back into her life.

As his eyes adjusted to the light from his bedside lamp, Nathan looked at the empty bed before him, wishing that he could just crawl back under the sheets and never wake up. Walking to his en suite bathroom, Nathan stumbled and almost fell, then retrieved the offending item from the floor and realized he was holding one of Haley's shoes. Surely she wouldn't have left without her shoes. He then he noticed the black fabric of her dress pooled on the carpet next to the other shoe.

A glimmer of hope rose in his chest as he surveyed the rest of the bedroom. Upon realizing that his boxer shorts and t-shirt that usually lay on a chair were missing, his heart raced with relief. She hadn't left. She was still here… somewhere.

All of a sudden he heard her angelic voice coming from behind him, but spinning around there was no sign of her anywhere in the room. Then came the faint sound of giggling which he knew belonged to his daughter and realized that he was hearing them both through the baby monitor he had set up on his side table.

"Well, what are you doing awake this late beautiful? I thought I heard you talking to yourself earlier. Does your daddy know you like to play in your cot in the middle of the night?"

Nathan closed his eyes, listening to the tenderness and love that Haley's voice held when she spoke to his child. It was the best feeling in the world to have both of his favorite girls with him and he just hoped that he could convince Haley to make it permanent.

"Up. Up."

Nathan crept quietly out of his room and towards the nursery, unable to resist the temptation to watch Haley interact with his daughter.

Haley couldn't believe how much love she already felt for this adorable little girl, but realized that she shouldn't have been surprised. She loved Nathan with all of her heart, so loving Lily, who was a part of him, was no hard feat.

Lifting the toddler into her arms seemed so natural to her that she felt as though she'd been doing it for years. Lily pulled back to study the woman who had sung to her so sweetly. The little girl's chubby fingers touched Haley's eyelids, nose and mouth. In her delight, a bubble of laughter escaped Haley's throat, and before long, Lily started laughing too as though it were a game.

Haley teased Lily by softly pinching her nose, making the little one laugh even harder as though she'd never seen anything as funny in her life. Haley did it again, this time saying 'nose' when touching her nose, and 'mouth' when touching her mouth and before long Lily was playing along too.

"Looks like fun. Can I play?"

At the sound of her father's voice, Lily's face lit up and she squealed, "Dada play", while bouncing excitedly in Haley's arms.

Nathan approached the two with slight hesitation, still unsure of Haley's thoughts about them spending the night together. Her face seemed blank, as though she didn't know how to act, so deciding to take the first step, Nathan gave Lily a loud raspberry kiss on her cheek which sent her into another fit of laughter, then quickly turned his head to brush a soft, sweet kiss on Haley's lips.

"Thanks for getting up to her. I didn't hear a thing on the baby monitor."

Haley snapped out of her kiss-induced-daze at the sound of his voice. Shaking her head slightly, she smiled.

"You're welcome. We've had fun, anyway, haven't we munchkin?" Haley asked Lily, who nodded her head slowly, visibly tiring from her midnight play session.

"Did you have fun with Haley?" Nathan asked his daughter, who didn't seem to understand the question. He suddenly realized that although Haley had comforted his daughter twice this evening, they still hadn't been introduced.

Having already caught onto the same fact, Haley introduced herself to the little girl, patting her chest while reciting her name. "I'm Haley."

After a few attempts with the toddler, Lily seemed to understand and snuggled into the blonde's chest, while sleepily repeating her name, although it sounded more like "Hawey".

The two adults shared a smile as Lily's words tapered off and she began to drift back to sleep. As Haley tried to lower the child into her bed, Lily tightened her grasp, not wanting to let go of the warmth and security that Haley offered her.

Nathan realized then that although he often did the same thing for his daughter, it must be so different for her to have a woman holding her close. Lily loved to snuggle up to her father, but he'd be willing to bet that his toned chest was no comfort compared to the soft pillow of Haley's bosom… he knew just how comfortable it could be.

Haley looked up at Nathan shyly. "Can she come in with us?"

Nathan nodded and put his hand on her lower back, guiding her back to his room.

Hours later Haley awoke as sunlight speared through the curtains and warmed her face. Immediately she realized where she was and the events that had transpired the night before. Her whole body flushed with sensation remembering the way in which she and Nathan had frantically made love.

Rolling over, careful not to wake Nathan or Lily, Haley found she needn't have worried. She was alone. A wave of sadness washed over her at the disappointment of waking up alone… just as she did every morning.

She heard faint laughter floating up the stairs and knew that Nathan must be giving Lilliana her breakfast. The two of them made such a beautiful family and a pang of regret filled her heart at the thought that she could have been a part of that family… if she'd stayed. But there was no point in dwelling on what might have been. She had her own life now, her music career was taking off and her label wanted her to tour before signing her on for another two albums. As much as she wished, after spending time with Nathan and Lilliana, that she could be a part of their life, her own life had taken a completely different direction and meshing the two worlds together just wouldn't work… at least that was the reasoning she used to convince herself.

In reality, she knew that the truth was, she would give up everything to live her life with Nathan by her side. If only she wasn't so damn scared! The fact was that Nathan had hurt her so badly in the past that she couldn't trust him with her heart again. If she put herself out there and something happened to rip her happiness away again, Haley didn't think she'd be able to handle it. And she and Nathan weren't the only ones at risk of being hurt this time. Lily would get caught up in their mess and after spending just one night with the little girl, Haley knew she couldn't stand it if Lily was hurt in any way.

Feeling defeated and on the verge of tears, Haley slowly got out of bed and dressed in her outfit from the night before, wishing she could slip out unnoticed, but knowing that she couldn't do that to Nathan… not again. She'd been a coward years earlier when she'd left him in her bed alone with a note telling him that being together had been a mistake. No matter what had happened between them in the past, she realized that making love with him again had definitely not been a mistake. Something so pure and true could never be wrong. Loving him would never be wrong… unfortunately, she just couldn't let him know that she was still in love with him.

As she reached the kitchen with her purse in hand, Haley watched on with a smile, holding back her tears as Lily attempted to eat her breakfast. As with most toddlers, the majority of her food was now on the floor. Her attention soon turned to Nathan who was eating his own breakfast, lost in thought with a frown marring his brow. He didn't notice Haley until Lily cried out her name.

"Hawey!"

She choked back a sob, wishing she could spend more time with the adorable little bundle of energy.

"Hey munchkin. Didn't your daddy ever tell you not to play with your food?" Haley's playful comment was answered with a high pitched squeal as Lily tried to get out of her high chair and into the blonde's arms.

"You're dressed" Nathan's voice was emotionless, but she could see a combination of hurt and disappointment in his gorgeous blue eyes.

"Um… I really think I should be going. Thank you so much for everything you did for me last night. I really appreciate it." Haley couldn't maintain eye contact with him. It wasn't how she wanted things to be this morning, and she knew she wasn't handling it well, but had no idea what she could say to make things better.

Nathan had been silent for what felt like hours and lifting her gaze to meet his, she could see he was trying to find the right words to say. A part of her wished that he would beg her not to go, to say that he loved her and they were meant to be together. So she had no right to feel disappointed when he nodded, lifting his daughter out of her chair and sighing in defeat.

"I understand"

Nathan felt as though his heart was breaking. He had known that his dream of a happily ever after with Haley would be shattered this morning, however nothing he could have done would have prepared him for the pain that came along with the love of his life walking away from him again… not that he didn't deserve it. She'd had every right to leave him the first time, and he'd done nothing since then to prove himself to her as being worthy of her love and trust.

As soon as the negative thought entered his mind, Nathan pushed it out again. He could win her back, and he would do it… for himself, for Haley and for his daughter who was so obviously enamored by the woman who had looked after her so tenderly the night before.

Nathan called her a cab and watched on as she played with Lily while waiting for it to arrive. His daughter was proudly helping Haley build a tower with her blocks and clapped wildly every time the blonde praised her for her good work. Once it was done, Lily took great pleasure in knocking the entire structure over with one push, and then crawled onto Haley's lap and studied her larger feminine hands with fascination.

The sight only confirmed Nathan's previous thoughts that the three of them should be a family. Haley belonged with them and would make a wonderful mother for Lilliana, a much better mother than Peyton ever was. His daughter deserved to be loved and have a prominent female influence in her life and he couldn't think of anyone else he would prefer.

"The cab's here." Haley announced after hearing the horn. She stood up, lifting Lily into her arms for a hug. She wasn't sure if she could just go back to her life and not see them again, pretending that spending time with them had never happened.

"Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"Um, I was thinking maybe we could hang out some time. I'd really like to see you and Lily again. I want us to be friends."

The nervousness that Haley felt at that moment disappeared when she saw the grin that appeared on his face. "Sounds great. Can I have your number?"

The two exchanged numbers before Haley passed Lily over to her father. The little girl grumbled at being taken out of the arms of her new favorite person, and as soon as she realized that Haley was leaving, began to cry, trying to scramble out of her fathers arms. Haley managed to keep her composure even though she wanted desperately to tell him she'd changed her mind and that she wanted to stay.

Taking a deep breath, Haley opened the door and was shocked as many flashbulbs went off in the distance. She shielded her eyes and then felt herself being yanked back into the house by Nathan who quickly slammed the door shut behind them.

"What the hell was that?" she asked dazedly.

"Looks like word spread about our little drama last night." Nathan sighed, hating that not only had he and Haley had their privacy invaded, his daughter was caught in the middle and had been photographed. He'd managed to keep a low profile since Lily's birth and even kept Peyton's departure out of the papers, but now, he could only imagine the media circus they were going to have to deal with.

A couple of hours later Nathan had just put Lily to sleep and found Haley sitting on his bed, visibly upset. He sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug.

"It's going to be okay, Hales. It will be old news in a couple of days."

"No, Nathan, it won't. I just got off the phone with my publicist who has been leaving me messages since last night. I forgot my cell was turned off. Apparently she's been fielding call after call asking if we're having an affair. The general consensus is that I'm a home wrecking slut who broke up your family."

"Oh, Hales. We'll clear this up. It will all be okay."

"I've tried to avoid reading articles or listening to reports about you since we broke up, so I had no idea what the public thinks about your relationship with Peyton. But obviously they think that you were a couple… still are a couple. Is it true? Were you and Peyton together at any point, Nate? I know I don't have any right to ask, but please don't lie to me, I just want to know the truth."

Nathan took her hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes. "Peyton and I were never together after you left. I haven't been with anyone since you."

Haley was stunned by his admission and fell in love with him even more knowing that he too hadn't been able to move on. She noticed a flash of sorrow in his eyes and had to wonder if he was keeping something from her.

"I don't think I could take you lying to me, Nathan. I can see that something is bothering you and I would rather you just tell me the truth now than find out from someone else. besides, I need to know what I'm dealing with so I can handle the gossip that has already started."

"It's the truth Hales. I guess it's just a touchy subject for me… look, the main cause of Peyton's depression was me and the fact that I refused to be with her. She was in love with me and carrying my child but I just couldn't love her. You always had my heart."

"Nathan… please don't. I really want us to be friends, but that's all I can give you… my friendship. I don't regret last night, but it can't happen again. Please just say we can be friends."

He knew he couldn't push her. Being just friends with Haley James would be difficult, but it was the best chance he had at winning her heart back.

"Of course we can be friends. I've missed you, and Lily adores you, so I'd love it we kept in touch."

Haley smiled with relief and hugged him fiercely. "Thanks… I think I'm going to need a friend to help deal with all of these rumors starting up about me… about us."

Haley's phone ringing broke them apart. Nathan walked to the window and looked at the media lined up outside his property, then saw a dark Mercedes pull up in his driveway.

"That's my ride. She sent a car for me."

"I suppose this is goodbye then."

"I'll be in touch, Nate. I promise." Haley stood up on her toes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Do you want me to walk you out?"

She shook her head. "No. I don't think it's a good idea to give them another opportunity to photograph us together."

"Okay. Bye Hales."

"See you later, Nate."

* * *

Four weeks later, Nathan sat on the lounge after just feeding Lily and settling her for bed. He was getting ready to watch the live telecast of the Grammy awards. Due to advice from both of their publicists, Haley and Nathan hadn't seen each other since she left his apartment that morning. They had spoken on the phone and even Lily recognized Haley's voice now and wanted to talk to her when she rang. Well, if kiddie babble could be considered talking.

Even though he'd already gone three years without Haley, it was so hard for him not to see her. The paparazzi had been ruthless in their attacks on her and no matter how many times they both denied an affair, Haley was being crucified by the media as a home wrecker who ruined a family and caused a child to lose her mother.

Nathan worried what would happen should the media contact Peyton. Nathan had no idea of knowing how she would portray the situation. He attempted to get in contact with her but had no luck finding her. Apparently she was unreachable on an assignment. Fortunately it also meant that no reporters would be able to contact her either.

Just thinking about the situation made him so angry. Haley had called him so many times, in tears, struggling to cope with the accusations and consequently the damage the negative press was doing to her career. The magazines and newspapers didn't care if they reported the truth, all they cared about was controversy and sales figures.

The biggest blow had come when Paul Marsh had given an interview to a tabloid magazine claiming that the reason for his fight with Nathan at the charity event was that Haley had been sleeping with them both back in high school and Nathan still held a grudge. Haley had refused to comment when asked to respond to Paul's accusations and according to the media and majority of the public, her silence proved her guilt. He knew it killed her to have people believe such despicable things, but she couldn't bear to come forward with the truth about the rape.

Nathan had tried to help out by releasing a statement denying that he and Haley had any sort of relationship in high school, but no one wanted to believe the truth, when the lies were so much more exciting. It was actually cruel how many people were enjoying the downfall of the music world's 'next big thing'.

Nathan was roused from his thoughts as he heard Haley's name announced during the red carpet arrivals telecast. She stepped out of the limousine looking stunningly beautiful in a silver dress with modest neckline, just showing a hint of cleavage. The combination of satin and lace made her look classically elegant, especially combined with her hair, which hung in loose curls, and her minimal make-up. She was a picture of innocent beauty.

Haley knew she looked composed on the outside, flashing her most brilliant smile, but on the inside she was a wreck. The last month had been an absolute nightmare for her and she had avidly avoided going out in public, and here she was being thrust into the spotlight. She'd considered not attending, but knew it would look like she was giving in and admitting guilt. Nathan wanted to be her date, but as hard as it was to reject his offer, she knew it would just make things worse for them.

Chris had also offered to accompany her, but she decided to be strong and go alone, determined to show the country that she didn't need a man… especially someone else's man, to feel good. Her smile faltered slightly as she reached the section of the red carpet where members of the public who had won competitions to attend the prestigious awards ceremony, stood cheering on their favorite artists.

It hurt to hear a few people calling her a 'slut' or a 'home wrecker'. She was used to the media throwing accusations her way, but it was painful to know that everyday people thought so badly of her when she'd done nothing wrong.

One of the red carpet attendants quickly ushered her along, but not before a disgruntled member of the crowed threw a water balloon filled with red die. It exploded on impact, ruining her designer gown and left her looking as though she was covered in blood. It was like a scene out of 'Carrie' and she could only imagine the headlines the next day.

The whole crowed became silent, except for the security guards taking hold of the woman who had assaulted her. Even the paparazzi took a moment to get over the shock before they began snapping away, knowing that this would be front page news the next morning. Haley asked the attendant to take her back to one of the limousines where she instructed the driver to leave the venue.

The kindly driver offered her a box of tissues to help clean herself up and asked her where she wanted to go. Her automatic response was to give him Nathan's address. Without even having to think about it, Haley knew that he was the only person in LA who could comfort her.

* * *

_**Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the last chapter. I am very grateful for all of your comments and suggestions. I'd like to send a big thank you to Bec for offering to become my Beta. I really appreciate the help.**_

_**All of the readers in the U.S. please make sure you watch One Tree Hill this week as the CW will be looking at the ratings to help make a decision about bringing the show back next year.**_

_**Thanks, **_

_**Lori**_


	17. Coming Home

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 17 – Coming Home**

* * *

**_Warning - This story is rated M for a reason, so please do not read this chapter if you may be offended by certain situations._**

* * *

Nathan threw the phone down on the sofa and held back the urge to punch his fist through the wall. He'd called every single one of his regular babysitters as well as his back ups, but no one was free to come and watch Lily in case she woke up.

Seeing what had happened to Haley on the television had made his blood boil and all he wanted to do was drive over to her apartment and comfort her. She didn't deserve all of this… nobody would deserve that treatment, but especially not Haley. His sweet, caring, beautiful Haley. He'd tried calling her cell to confirm that she was headed to her apartment, but it was obviously still switched off from before the Grammy ceremony.

He hated disrupting his daughter's sleep, but he knew that Haley would need him after the night she'd had, and if he was honest with himself, he needed to be able to comfort her. It seemed the only option was to wake Lily up and take her with him. Halfway to the staircase, Nathan heard a light knocking on the front door.

Upon opening the door, he found Haley looking completely disheveled with red die in her hair and soaked through her dress. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, yet to him, she still looked beautiful. "I'm sorry. I just… I didn't want to be alone."

As Nathan quickly wrapped her up in a protective embrace, letting her cry into his chest, Haley had never felt more at home. After a few minutes of being comforted, Haley lifted her head to apologise for just dropping in on him in such a state, when she noticed Nathan's white t-shirt covered with the red die from her hair and clothing.

"Oh, God. Nathan, look at your clothes… and your floor. I'm getting this stuff everywhere." She almost burst into tears again from her highly emotional state of mind.

"Hales, don't worry about it. I don't care about my stupid clothes or the tiles. My only concern is you and making sure that you're okay."

Haley sighed. "I'm fine… well, I will be. I gather you saw what happened… along with the rest of America. They really do hate me, don't they?"

Nathan tipped her face up to look at his. "Oh Hales. No. They don't, because they don't even know you. I think you'll find most people will be on your side after tonight, Hales. You haven't done anything wrong and I think it's about time we told everyone the truth."

Haley started to protest, but he cut her off. "We don't have to say what happened with Paul Marsh, but I think we should at least tell them about us being engaged years ago. You had no bearing on my relationship with Peyton…"

Nathan could see Haley still shaking her head, not wanting to think of the possibility of going to the press with their story. She could handle what was happening to her, but she would not allow Lily's life to be disrupted now or in the future by rumours about her parents. She needed to protect that innocent child and keep her out of the gossip headlines.

"But I did affect your relationship with Peyton. If I'd never come back into your life… you and Peyton probably would have made a go of things when she found out she was pregnant. I'm the reason you don't have a family, Nate."

Nathan couldn't bear to see her blaming herself for all of this. He used to the be the kind of man that would look for an out, anything to excuse him of his bad behavior, but the events that lead them both into the chaos they were currently experiencing, were his fault. He never should have carried on a sexual relationship with Peyton when he knew he didn't love her. And he most definitely should have put a stop to that relationship when he realized that Peyton's feelings for him had become stronger. But he was weaker then, immature. Well, he'd grown up since then, he'd changed and most of that he owed to the woman standing before him.

"Listen to me. You are not to blame for my relationship with Peyton. It's not you're fault that I couldn't love her. It's not your fault that there was no room for her in my heart. You've always had my heart Hales, but you couldn't help what happened any more than I could stop myself from loving you every second since I met you."

Haley was sure she hadn't heard a sweeter sentiment from anyone before in her life. And it was all the more poignant because she knew he meant every single word. She could hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes as he looked at her with such love and adoration. It was enough to make her heart flutter and skip a beat.

Cupping her face tenderly, Nathan focused his intense blue eyes on hers, mesmerizing her so that she was sure to listen to him carefully. "I have a family, Hales. Lily is my family. You… you will always be my family."

Unable to stop herself, Haley closed the gap between them and captured his lips in a tender kiss, showing him just how much she still loved him, even if she wasn't ready to say the words out loud… to him or to herself.

Nathan lost himself in the kiss. This was different to what they had shared a month earlier where they had been driven by passion, desperation and longing. This was about love, the pure, unadulterated love that they shared. A bond that would link them forever, whether they were together or apart.

After reluctantly pulling away from him, Haley took a deep breath and avoided his gaze, unable to deal with their feelings for each other or the consequences of their kiss. She just wanted to have a night free of the constant worry, where she felt safe and not as though her life was falling apart. Talking about their relationship or whether or not to tell all to the press was the last thing she wanted or needed.

Nathan could see her pulling away both physically and emotionally, and even though it hurt after what they'd just shared, he knew not to push her. They were on the brink of something… something really good and he wasn't going to ruin it. He would take it slow and wait for her to be ready… and she would be, he was sure of it. He was going to get her back.

"We should see what happens after tonight's incident before we make any decisions about press releases. Let's talk about it tomorrow. Right now I would just like to get myself cleaned up. Is that okay?"

Nathan nodded before taking her hand and leading her up the stairs.

Half an hour later, relaxing in the large tub in Nathan's guest bathroom, Haley felt the tension draining from her body. It still amazed her how he always managed to make her feel so special and he had taken such good care of her by preparing a bubble bath and serving her a herbal tea to soothe her frayed nerves. She'd forgotten what it was like to have someone look after her simply because it made them happy.

The water was becoming cool and she felt goose bumps appear on her skin, so she slowly got out of the tub and dried herself off, smiling at theover sized robe he'd given her to wear. Slipping into the soft cloth robe, she looked herself over in the mirror, pleased that there was not a trace of die left in her hair. The last thing she wanted was to have to go out to a salon when she knew it was best to lay low and stay out of the public eye for a while.

Haley could hear Nathan was on the phone in his bedroom so she decided to check on Lily. The child lay on her stomach with her diaper covered bottom raised high in the air. Her curly hair was fanned out on her pillow and Haley couldn't believe how amazingly perfect she the little girl was. Lily reminded her of an angelic little cherub with her long dark eyelashes that fluttered over chubby cheeks and her perfect little rosy lips that were slightly parted in a smile.

She stroked the child's hair back softly, careful not to wake her before placing a tender kiss on her forehead and pulling up the blankets that had been kicked down to the bottom of the cot. God, she had missed this little girl. Hearing her childish chatter on the phone was no match for seeing her beautiful face and childlike innocence.

"Sweet dreams angel" Haley whispered the words before making her way into Nathan's room where she found him hanging up the phone.

"Is everything alright. You seem agitated."

Nathan, who was looking slightly flustered, hadn't heard her enter the room and was clearly upset about something.

"No. I'm fine. How was your bath? Are you feeling better?"

Haley knew Nathan well enough to know that he was keeping something from her, but she didn't have the strength to push him on it right then. Besides, she was having trouble concentrating on the conversation as she watched him pull off the t-shirt she'd ruined earlier.

His body had always fascinated and excited her in equal measure and tonight was no different. She would never tire of watching the way his skin tightened over his well defined muscles as he moved. God his body was amazing and she almost felt her mouth watering at the sight of him.

Nathan noticed her staring and struggled to keep the grin off his face. The chemistry between them had always been amazing, their attraction impossible to deny. But he knew that lust did not equal love or commitment and that he had to let Haley come to him willingly without being seduced in any way. He needed to know that she wanted his love and not just comfort because the of the disastrous evening she'd had.

Realising she'd been caught staring, Haley quickly looked away, feeling a blush colour her cheeks. Her gaze had wandered over to his big king size bed and she gulped, just thinking about what they could on it… remembering what they'd already done in that bed only weeks ago.

"I've made the guest room up for you. It has everything you need and it's just down the hall, so I'm right here if you need anything."

She couldn't believe her ears. Nathan Scott had made up a guest room for her! There was definitely something wrong with that picture. He'd never once given up an opportunity to be close to her and now he wasn't even trying to get her to stay with him? To say she was shocked was an understatement. Not to mention the fact that she wasn't sure whether to be grateful for his thoughtful consideration… or insulted that he didn't want her.

Before she knew it, Nathan had left the room expecting her to follow him to where she would be sleeping… alone.

"This is nice. Thanks Nate."

"You're welcome. Tomorrow morning I'll cook up a good breakfast and everything from tonight will seem a little less overwhelming. Lily will be so excited to see you. She asks about you all the time."

Haley couldn't help but smile at that tidbit of information. "Really? We haven't really spent much time together."

Nathan chuckled. "She's taken a real liking to you Hales. Every time I go to make a call or whenever the phone rings she gets excited thinking that she's going to speak to 'Hawey'.

Her night which had started off as such a nightmare was now becoming brighter by the second. The warmth that she felt around Nathan and Lily lifted her wary soul and she couldn't help but wish that she was here with them always, rather than living her busy, but lonely life that no longer gave her the happiness it once offered.

Nathan hugged her tightly before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "Everything's going to be okay, Hales. I promise."

And she believed him.

* * *

It was one of the hardest things he'd had to do, leaving Haley alone in that room. He wanted so badly to take her into his arms and offer her comfort, but he knew that she was vulnerable and if anything happened between them due to his prompting, it would surely end in disaster. She would blame him for taking advantage of her…hell he would be. And the one thing he most definitely couldn't handle again… was her telling him that their making love was a mistake. No, she would have to come to him this time. He was definitely in for a restless night.

Hours later and no closer to getting any sleep, Haley tossed and turned for the millionth time, damning to hell all the sheep she'd been counting in her head. All she had to do was get up and go to him and this empty ache in her heart would go away… so what was stopping her?

She knew that Nathan had changed. He had matured so much in the last couple of years and she was sure most of it could be attributed to becoming a father… a single father who could no longer be selfish, instead putting his daughter's needs ahead of his own. But in her heart she knew that some of the changes were due to what had happened between the two of them. He'd been just as hurt as she when their relationship ended, and she didn't doubt for a second that he lived with the pain of their break up every day just as she had. He'd learned from his mistakes and it was easy to see he'd become a better man because of them. A man she respected… admired… loved.

What the hell was she doing? She was in love with this wonderful man who was sleeping just down the hall and instead of making them both happy and giving him her heart again, she was holding herself back and making them both miserable. And with that thought she threw off the covers and crept quietly down the hall, careful not to wake up Lily.

When she reached his doorway, suddenly the courage she'd mustered, escaped her as she began to question if this was the right thing to do. She had to be sure, because it wasn't fair to Nathan if she wasn't certain. He didn't deserve to be messed around.

She watched him for a few minutes, the light of the moon illuminating his bare chest and his face which looked troubled even in sleep. She felt guilty knowing that she was surely causing his distress. Just when she was about to turn and return to her room she heard him call her name.

"Hales."

Her breath caught in her throat. He'd been awake this whole time. This was it. The moment when she would need to make a decision. Was she ready to give them another chance?

"Yeah?" Her voice broke slightly as the tension wrapped around her.

He pulled back the covers and patted the mattress. "C'mere."

The relief she felt at his invitation was all the answer she needed. Her mind, body and soul wanted to be with this man. There was no more denying that he was her home, her family and trying to stay away any longer was pointless. She ran across the room, practically diving onto the bed and into his waiting arms.

He didn't need words to know that she was giving herself to him… wholly and fully… heart and soul. He hugged her body to his reveling in the knowledge that his soul mate was back where she belonged.

After minutes of silently embracing each other, Haley pulled away and was shocked to discover tears glistening in Nathan's eyes. The tears she'd been holding back herself ran freely down her cheeks as she realized he shared her joy.

"I'm ready Nate. I'm ready to come home."

He smiled widely before capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "I love you, Hales. I don't ever want to lose you again."

"I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

He kissed her again, their tongues exploring each other's mouths as if for the first time. They deftly removed each other's clothes, carelessly throwing them around the room. When they were both finally naked, skin on skin, they paused and took a moment to look into each other's eyes and enjoy the moment of intimacy. Before he even realized it, she'd maneuvered herself so that she straddled his waist, his need for her made obvious by the erection nudging her ass.

"I want you so much Nate. And I already know you want me" she whispered seductively while wiggling her bottom against his throbbing penis.

"Of course I do. I've never stopped wanting or needing you Hales."

He knew his honesty had pleased her when she placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself, guiding his shaft into her body and lowering herself inch by excruciating inch, until he filled her completely. Staying perfectly still, she let them both enjoy the moment, the joining of their bodies as well as their hearts.

She began to move slowly, gasping at the wonderful sensations rolling through her each time she moved. It had never been this good between them before and she knew it was a new beginning for them both.

Nathan was sure he'd never felt so good in his life, every time she moved, her walls tightened around him and explosive little tremors ran through him. He couldn't get enough of her, his hands running up and down her back, massaging her silky skin. He lowered them to her buttocks, pulling her further down onto him until he could enter no further and a satisfied moan escaped her lips assuring him she was enjoying this every bit as much as he was.

He gripped her around the waist tightly and pulled his body up the bed until he was leaning against the wooden headboard, palming her breasts and immediately began suckling a distended nipple. He knew how much she loved the sensation and gently worked on the other breast with his hand, gently tweaking the rosy peak between his fingers.

He swapped breasts and laved at her other nipple, grazing it gently with his teeth causing her to cry out in delight as her fingers speared through his raven hair, holding him closer, letting him know just how good it felt.

Haley was getting closer to climax and her body automatically began gyrating against him at a faster pace. It was Nathan's turn to moan loudly as she moved up and down his cock at a frantic pace. He held her close, placing wet, open kisses on the exposed flesh of her neck as their breathing became more erratic. With a broken whimper she felt herself go over the edge, her walls gripping him, bringing on an orgasm that ripped through him like an electrical shock.

She collapsed against him, their sweaty bodies melded together as they fought to catch their breath. Nathan's hands continued to caress her back and he placed soft kisses on her neck and shoulder as she snuggled further into his embrace. After a few minutes he could hear her breath even out and knew she'd fallen into a deep sleep.

He maneuvered his way back down the bed until he was laying on his back, Haley still sprawled across him with her head resting in the crook of his neck. With their bodies still intimately joined, Nathan followed her into a peaceful slumber. His first in almost three years.

* * *

**_A/N: Firstly, a massive thank you to my beta, Pinkythesupergirl (Bec) for her help with this chapter and for motivating me to get past my writers block. Also, thanks to BabbleBaby (Dawn) for your feedback and suggestions. You guys are great!!!_**

**_Thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter, your comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated. I will however ask that if you feel the need to criticize, please do so constructively. If you're not happy with the way the story is going, that is fine, everyone's tastes and opinions differ, but simply putting the story down without providing any real explanation as to what you don't like about it is not going to help me as an author assess or improve my work. _**

**_My main goal by posting here is to become a better writer, so if you think the writing is of poor quality or the plot is bad etc, then I would really like to know where you think i could have improved._**

**_Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this update :)_**

**_Lori_**


	18. A New Beginning

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 18 – A New Beginning**

* * *

"I could stay like this forever."

Haley smiled into his chest and enjoyed the soothing sensation of his warm, strong hand caressing her back. They had been awake for a while and both were content to relax and enjoy the intimacy of just lying together after their reunion the night before.

"Me too." She sighed while tracing circles on his chest.

"Stop thinking so loud. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"Just thinking"

"About?"

"I was thinking about us and how I want to make sure that we get our forever this time. I think for this to work, Nathan, we need to be completely open and honest with each other. We already know that the love between us can't be broken, but we need to make sure that nothing else can come between us again. No lies. No misunderstandings."

She shifted and looked into his eyes, hoping that he could see important this was to her. How much she wanted to make their relationship work and last the distance this time.

"You're right. I want to have that kind of relationship too, Hales. I promise, I won't ever lie to you."

As he saw Haley's face light up, he felt a pang of guilt knowing that he was probably already breaking that promise, even if he had good reason to do so. Pushing the negative thoughts aside, he pulled her closer and breathed in her unique Haley scent that he'd missed so much over the years.

"You know how you said you hadn't been with anyone else after me?" Haley looked up at him shyly.

"Yeah?" Nathan responded hesitantly as his imagination went into overdrive. He was all for their new honest relationship, but he wasn't sure if he could handle hearing her tell him about being with other men. He'd obviously wondered if she'd found anyone else since they broke up, but he was starting to think he was better off not knowing. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but he'd want to kill any other man that touched _his_ Haley.

"Well, I just want you to know that I haven't either."

Haley smiled at his obvious relief. His smile soon turned into a smirk however as he rolled on top of her, holding his weight with his forearms on either side of her head. "I always knew I was good… but to ruin you for any other man, well, what can I say? I'm a sex God!"

Haley chuckled loudly and slapped him on the arm. "You've grown up a lot in the last few years Nathan, and I see your ego has too!!"

Nathan silenced her continued laughter by swooping down to capture her lips in a demanding kiss, which she eagerly returned. They'd woken up several times during the night to make love and Nathan knew that neither of them was energized enough for another round, so when they broke the kiss, he moved off her, rolling back onto his side.

"Lily should wake up soon. She's going to be so excited to see you, Hales."

Haley smiled widely, stroking his face and running her fingertips against his unshaved jaw. "Do you still want more children?"

Nathan was surprised by her question. They'd always talked about having children and though they never set a number, it was always implied there would be more than one. She was biting her lower lip, indicating that she was nervous about his response.

"Of course, baby. I want as many kids as you want. I still want everything we talked about Hales, everything we dreamed about."

"Good." She kissed him tenderly before snuggling into his chest. She'd been off the pill for years and they hadn't been using protection. Haley couldn't believe they'd been so careless, but being so caught up in each other, neither of them had been thinking clearly. They hadn't used it a month earlier either, but she'd had her period since then and knew she hadn't conceived. She probably hadn't last night either, but at least knowing that he would be happy about having a baby with her made her rest easier.

As if on cue, they heard Lily's idle chatter through the baby monitor indicating she'd woken up. Nathan wanted to laugh at the excitement that gleamed in Haley's eyes.

Nathan entered Lily's room and she saw him, immediately raising her arms to be picked up. "Good morning munchkin. Did you have a good sleep?"

Lily who was still a little sleepy, had laid her head on her father's shoulder nodding slowly in response. He patted her back and noticed Haley move into the doorway. "I've got surprise for you bub"

Lily lifted her head, a little more alert at learning about the surprise. It always resulted in something good so the little girl couldn't help but get a bit excited. Nathan turned his body so that rather than facing away from Haley, Lily now had a clear view of her.

She froze in her father's arms for a moment, staring intently at Haley, almost unsure whether to believe she was actually there. Before long though, she was squealing and trying desperately to get out of her father's arms.

"Hawey! Hawey!"

Tears glistened in Haley's eyes as she saw how excited Lily was to see her. She honestly couldn't love this little girl any more if she was her own child. Squatting down on the ground, she opened her arms as Nathan placed his daughter on the ground where she immediately broke into a run - or more of a scamper or waddle – towards her. In her excitement, Lily almost stumbled over her own feet a couple of times, but she made it without incident and flew into the woman's waiting arms, quickly enveloped in a loving embrace.

Nathan almost cried at the vision before him. Haley in tears, gently rocking his daughter and holding her as though she was the most precious gift on earth. Lily's arms wrapped tightly around her neck, holding on for dear life, fearful that Haley might be taken away from her again.

"I missed you baby girl." Haley whispered softly, while stroking her soft curls.

After a few minutes, Lily pulled back from the hug and placed a loud smacking kiss on Haley's cheek. Both adults laughed and Lily, like so many toddlers, joined in not wanting to be left out, but not truly understanding what was so funny to begin with.

"I can do better than that" Haley teased, holding Lily out in front of her and blowing a loud raspberry kiss on her exposed chubby belly. The child giggled at both the funny noise and the strange, tickling vibrations that flittered across her stomach.

"It's time we get you dressed for breakfast Lil." Nathan approached the two, but as soon as he reached to take his daughter from Haley's arms, Lily wrapped hers tight around Haley's neck again and tucked her head into the crook of her neck, refusing to let go.

"It's okay Lily. I'm not going anywhere." Haley's soothing voice was of no help, as the child began to wail when Nathan tried to pull her away.

Their hearts broke seeing her so upset and obviously worried that Haley would leave again. Haley walked over to the table Nathan usually sat his daughter on to get changed. She sat down and spoke to the child softly, explaining that she needed to get dressed and then they could eat breakfast and play. After a few moments of coaxing, Lily gave in and let her father change her as long as she was able to sit on Haley's lap.

Tears long forgotten, they sang and played games while dressing her and Lily had the time of her life. They managed to put her down on the table on her own and were both now placing a shoe on each foot.

"Hawey stay."

Haley nodded and smiled. "Yes. I'm staying. We're going to play with your blocks!"

Lily didn't appear satisfied with the answer and looked at her Nathan and Haley warily. "No! Hawey stay. Hawey stay wif Daddy and Wiwy."

Nathan almost chuckled at the stubborn look of determination on his daughters face. He was in for quite a few arguments with her in the future, that was for sure. He turned his gaze to Haley, who looked a little uncomfortable and he realized that they hadn't actually discussed the practical things like living arrangements or… getting married. He tenderly brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and smiled lovingly.

"What do you say, Hales?"

She nodded her head and turned back to Lily. "Yes. Haley stay with Daddy and Lily."

Nathan swooped in and kissed her, the action taking her by surprise so that she lost her balance and they both tumbled to the floor. They laughed into each other lips, still not breaking the kiss. Lily could be heard cackling in the background, until after a few minutes she grew impatient with not being the centre of attention and demanded to be let down to play.

"Your wish is my command munchkin" Nathan pulled Haley to her feet, and they took the girl downstairs where they enjoyed a family breakfast.

* * *

Nathan watched on lovingly as his daughter and his lover chattered excitedly while preparing lunch. They were making sandwiches and a very proud Lily had the job of passing the selected ingredients to Haley. It warmed his heart to see how patient she was with his daughter, how she treated her like he knew she would treat her own children… their children. He fully intended on marrying this woman, and this time she would not get away. Nothing was going to stop them this time. They both grown and been through so much, too much to let anything destroy their newfound happiness.

"Okay, what does daddy want on his sandwich?" Haley and Lily both looked at Nathan expectantly with smiling faces and he wanted to shout out to the world how happy he was. That these were his girls! He wanted everyone to know how much he loved them.

"What do you think, munchkin?" Nathan stifled a chuckle as he watched his daughter's solemn face thinking over his question.

"Lily, why don't you choose? I'm going out to collect the paper."

Nathan returned to find the kitchen eerily quiet, placing the wrapped newspaper on the bench and eyeing his girls carefully. Haley and Lily sat eating their sandwiches in silence, and Nathan was instantly suspicious. Normally his daughter couldn't stay quiet at the best of times, but especially not around Haley!

"Your lunch is ready babe."

Nathan sat and took a bite of his sandwich and immediately spat it out, coughing and spluttering at the god awful taste it had left in his mouth. By this time both Haley and Lily were in hysterics, laughing at his reaction. He opened up the sandwich to find that it consisted of peanut butter, alfalfa sprouts, tomato and chocolate sprinkles.

"I'm sorry, but that's what your daughter decided on. You did ask her to choose." Haley looked at him innocently as she managed to keep a straight face and stifle her giggles. Lily, however, was still giggling as though it was the funniest thing she'd ever seen.

Nathan leaned over and tickled his daughter's stomach, knowing she was especially sensitive there. "You think it's funny? I'll give you something to laugh about!" he mock growled.

After all the excitement died down, Nathan looked down at his inedible lunch and pouted, looking up at Haley with puppy dog eyes. "What am I supposed to eat?"

"Guess, you'll just have to make your own sandwich, lazy bones!" She raised her eyes in challenge, knowing that he wouldn't let her get away with her prank that easily.

"Oh, you're in for it now Hales!" Nathan jumped out of his seat with a smirk on his face. She knew immediately what he was up to and bolted out of her own chair, running around to the other side of the bench, watching as he began stalking her like prey… it was oddly exciting. After a few short moments of running around the kitchen with Lily squealing in delight, Nathan caught hold of her and rather than struggle, she melted into his arms. Nathan couldn't help but see the similarities to their relationship… she'd finally stopped struggling and come back into his arms.

"Now, I think I deserve some compensation, Hales. What can you do for me?" He whispered seductively into her ear, so that Lily couldn't hear their conversation. With her back pressed to his chest and his arms wound around her tightly, Haley was finding it hard to think, but she wasn't done playing with him yet.

"I can give you exactly what you want Nathan. The very thing you hunger for." She whispered huskily and smiled with satisfaction, when her grinding into him elicited a strangled moan.

"As good as that sounds… and feels, we're going to have to wait until we're alone." Nathan turned her in his arms and gave her a sensual kiss, giving just a taste of what was to come.

"What if I don't want to wait. I can give it to you right now baby."

Nathan looked at her strangely, wondering if she could possibly be serious about making love in front of his daughter… something he would never allow! Haley wasn't like that, so what game was she playing? Probably just taunting him so that he'd be left with an unbearable hard-on for the rest of the day.

Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed her move away from him until she started walking towards him with a saucy smile on her face and a plate in her hands. He took it from her with a questioning look.

"Ham, cheese and tomato. Isn't this what you want? What you hunger for?" Her voice dipped to a low seductive tone, mocking him for falling for her second joke of the day.

"Oh, you are good!"

Haley winked, walking past him while swinging her hips flirtatiously. "I know. But don't worry, we're still keeping our date for later."

Nathan laughed deep from his belly. He had almost forgotten how much fun she was to be around, how she turned the most inane activities into something to enjoy.

After Haley had taken Lily to play, Nathan grabbed the paper to read while enjoying his lunch. His daughter's excited chatter could be heard from the other room and it brought a smile to his face. Life was good.

His face soon fell however when he spread the paper out before him and read the front page headline and a photo of Haley taken the night before, after being humiliated on the red carpet.

_Victim or Vixen? Is Haley James as innocent as she seems or is she the home-wrecker reports suggest?_

Nathan balled his fists in anger. How dare these people spread such scandalous rubbish about Haley! She'd been through more than enough in her life and it was about time that someone protected her. He may not have done a good job of it in the past, but from now on, keeping his girls safe and happy was his number one priority. In that moment, Nathan decided it was time for the silence to end. He was going to issue a press release whether his publicist liked it or not.

"Nathan? Are you okay?"

Haley's voice jolted him out of his thoughts and had him scrambling to fold up the paper, keeping the page out of her view.

"Um, yeah. I'm fine." He plastered a fake smile on his face and knew by the look on hers that she didn't buy it for a second. She glanced between him and the newspaper and he saw realization dawning in her eyes.

She removed Lily from where she was currently perched on her hip and placed her back in the high chair, before turning back to face Nathan.

"Let me see it." Her voice was even and devoid of any emotion.

"Hales. Just forget it, okay?" Nathan pleaded, not wanting her to be hurt.

She reached over and took the paper from his grasp, spreading it out on the table. He searched for any kind of reaction, but there was none, she simply read as though it was simply an article on winter gardening.

Haley held in a sigh as she saw the photo of her and the headline. These people really were scum! Didn't they have anything better to do than head a witch hunt? Surely there was some other news in the world that was more interesting than little old Haley James. She hadn't realized how much she'd tensed up until she felt Nathan's hands gently massaging her shoulders. It was like he'd become her guardian angel, always looking out for her and making her feel better. She continued to read the article which basically outlined the recent gossip about her breaking up Nathan and Peyton's relationship and consequently driving away Lily's mother and the incident from the night before at the Grammys. She felt Nathan's hand rubbing her back supportively, while he placed a few soft kisses on her neck.

"I'm so sorry, Hales. You can't let this get to you. You're stronger than that."

Nathan wasn't sure what reaction he expected from Haley but he was certainly surprised when she turned around and kissed him briefly before gracing him with a beautiful smile that shone from within.

"You know, if I had read this yesterday, I would have been pretty upset. Hell, last night I was damn near irrational! I think I was just feeling so overwhelmed at the circus my life has become that I thought maybe I'd brought it all upon myself. I felt guilty and started blaming myself for things that weren't my fault."

Nathan remembered her comments about how she'd ruined his chance at a real family and how his problems with Peyton were her fault. The worst being that if she'd never come into his life, he would have had a chance with Peyton. Deep down he knew she didn't believe what she said, but it still hurt him to see her feeling that way. "None of this is your fault."

"I know. I can only put my reaction last night down to self pity and I refuse to do that ever again. I don't feel that way anymore. Now that I have you back in my life... and Lily, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter to me. Let them say what they want. I'm the happiest I've been in three years, Nathan."

Behind them, Lily banged her plastic plate on her high chair, singing quietly to her own beat. Haley looked over at the toddler and pulled a funny face earning a high pitched squeal and chuckle from her, before turning back to Nathan. She shook her head, smiling contentedly. "I'm the happiest I've ever been in my life."

Nathan pulled her into a loving embrace filled with caring and protectiveness. He always made her feel so loved and safe. "Me too babe. I love Lily, and I love my life, but it has never been complete without you here."

* * *

_**AN: I can't believe I've managed to update in less than two weeks!!! I owe it all to Bec (pinkythesupergirl), for motivating me to get off my butt and write… and to both her and Dawnie (BabbleBaby) for their support and suggestions.**_

_**Thank you to everyone for your wonderful reviews. It means so much to me that you take the time to let me know what you think of the story developments and my writing. I'm so glad that you're all happy about the Naley reunion… it's been a long time coming. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and all its fluffiness. I'm not used to writing so much fluff rather than drama and angst, so I hope that it worked out okay.**_

_**Lori**_


	19. Chasing The Past

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 19 – Chasing The Past**

* * *

Haley breezed through the front door, various shopping bags in hand and a huge smile on her face. She'd never been that much of a shopaholic before, but after basically hiding out at Nathan's for almost two months, not visiting a single store, she definitely needed her fix.

"Well, you're looking extremely pleased with yourself." Nathan chuckled as Haley dropped the bags on the sofa before seductively straddling Nathan's lap and kissing him with abandon. After pulling away she grinned at him giddily.

"That's because I am. I just managed to complete a three hour shopping mission without once being harassed by paparazzi. It was heaven."

The wistful tone to her voice made Nathan smile. He knew it had been hard for her since he'd issued his press release almost two months ago. It had been the right thing to do, squashing all the ridiculous and hateful rumors that were being spread like wildfire about her role in Peyton's decision to leave her family, but unfortunately, the gossip hungry media had instead turned their attention upon the current relationship between the couple. It had been a long couple of months just laying low and avoiding the paparazzi who tried their best to get pictures of the couple.

Nathan had been mostly out of the media spotlight for a year and a half since he quit pro basketball to become a full time father to his daughter following Peyton's departure from their lives. He had been in the spotlight for a while after his controversial decision to break his multi-million dollar contract with the Lakers just a few short months after having signed, but since then the publicity had died down. He still attended the odd charity event, but mainly kept to himself, wanting his daughter to have as normal a childhood as possible.

Haley, however, was relatively new onto the celebrity scene and with her debut album causing quite a stir in the music world; her popularity had been at an all time high before the rumors began… so anything she did was considered breaking news. Wanting to protect Lily, they had both kept a low profile, hardly leaving Nathan's home and although a little frustrating at times, they'd enjoyed the opportunity to spend time together as a family and work on building a strong foundation for their new relationship.

"I'm so glad that those blood sucking parasites have decided we're yesterday's news. We can actually start living normal lives again." Nathan tried to keep his train of thought as Haley kissed her way across his jaw and to his ear, nibbling teasingly on his lobe, knowing it always drove him crazy.

"I'm glad too Nathan, but to be honest, it's almost been a different kind of freedom for me. I have had all this time with barely hearing from my label because they knew I had to lay low. There's been no pressure from anyone about planning a tour for this album or nagging me to start writing for my next one. As much as I hate that we have been forced to hide away, it's meant we've had two glorious months together, just the three of us." Haley stroked his cheek tenderly. "I've loved every second it Nathan."

"Me too, babe"

Nathan pulled her back down for another bone-melting kiss that left them both breathless. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she scraped her nails on his scalp, eliciting a moan from Nathan who had always loved the sensation it created. Haley smiled against his lips, reveling in the knowledge that he was so responsive to her. He moaned again, louder this time as she began grinding herself against his fast growing erection. He placed both hands on her hips, pushing her down harder before letting them wander up and under the cotton fabric of her tank top to massage her full breasts which were encased in a soft lacy bra.

Within minutes they were both topless, reveling in the silky skin on skin contact, Haley had already pulled down his zipper prompting Nathan to lift his hips allowing her to start pushing down his jeans as his hands were furiously working on the buttons of hers. His fingers brushed against the silk covering her sensitive nub, causing her to throw her head back as a breathy moan escaped her kiss-swollen lips. While he had her distracted, Nathan stood up, supporting her weight before placing her back down on the couch.

Haley looked at him questioningly, wondering why he'd brought a stop to their heated foreplay. She watched him kick off his jeans and thought that he was going to take her right then and there, but was surprised when he kneeled down before her to taking hold of the her jeans and panties and stripping them down her slender legs. She could see his eyes darken as they roamed her now naked body before settling on the light sprinkling of hair at the apex of her thighs. He moved forward, gently parting her legs and opening her up to him.

The combination of cool air on her heated centre, and the predatory look in her lovers eyes had Haley so turned on she thought she would come right then and there… and that was before he touched her. One slight flick of a finger over her clit and she was bucking on the couch practically begging for more… and he didn't disappoint, this time the feel of his soft, wet tongue gliding across her swollen centre had her moaning out loud with pleasure.

Somewhere in the background, behind the sound of rushing of blood in her ears she could hear a phone ringing. When Nathan's warm breath could no longer be felt against her thighs, she whimpered and opened her eyes to find him pulling his cell out of the front pocket of his discarded jeans. He gave her an apologetic look and rolled his eyes as she put on her most dramatic pout.

Nathan normally would have left the call to go to his answering service, but he'd been waiting for some important news and couldn't risk missing it. Seeing it was Lucas, he suddenly had the urge to play with him a little.

"This had better be good!" Nathan snapped before mouthing Lucas' name to Haley so she knew he wasn't serious.

"Nice to speak to you too, Nate" Lucas chuckled into the phone, used to his brothers moods.

"Hey man. Sorry, it's just I was sort of in the middle of something." He wiggled his eyebrows at Haley who couldn't decide whether to laugh at his antics or cry in frustration at being left so utterly unsatisfied.

Lucas laughed again. "I don't even want to know. She's like a sister man, so spare me the details."

This brought a smile to Nathan's face. Talking about Haley usually had that effect on him. "You know us too well. Don't worry, I won't give you the details."

Haley was surprised to find Nathan walking back over to her and resuming his position between her legs. She started to close them, but he blocked her attempt with one of his strong toned arms. For a moment he thought she would struggle harder, but after searching his eyes for a moment, he could see she trusted him and the spark that flickered in them told of how her current predicament turned her on. He ran a finger along her wet folds before slipping it inside her. A little gasp escaped her mouth before he began moving inside of her, her hips instinctively moving with him. Who would have known Haley James would be into kinky? He smirked to himself at the thought. He was lost in thoughts of what he wanted to do to Haley when her heard his brother's voice again.

"Is everything okay? You sound distracted."

"Uh huh." It was all the answer Nathan could manage as his own breathing began to speed up at the site of this beautiful woman laid out before him… his beautiful woman.

"Alright then. I've made some progress. I should have some concrete information for you soon. Our guy's made contact so it could be as early as later today."

His heart raced at a hundred miles a minute. He had been waiting for this news for three months and the relief added to his current arousal.

Nathan was seriously struggling to follow the conversation as he watched Haley's face flush with pleasure. Her moans were getting louder and he knew Lucas would figure out was going on, so he leaned over her to cover her mouth with his hand. Haley shocked him however by wrapping her lips around his finger, tasting herself and his salty skin. It was the most erotic thing he'd ever seen in his life and he needed to get Lucas off the phone immediately.

"Okay. Just let me know when you get an answer."

"Sure thing. Look, have you told Haley yet?" There was pregnant pause before Lucas continued. "I'll take that silence as a 'no'. You have to tell her Nathan."

Nathan sighed heavily with frustration. He didn't want to think about anything but his lover at that moment. "Yeah, I know. I'm onto it."

His breath caught in his throat as he felt Haley's hand wrap around his shaft, drawing him closer to her waiting entrance. He groaned from deep inside his throat at the sensation of her soft hands around his throbbing penis and dropped the phone momentarily. Sending Haley a look letting her know she'd pay for that, Nathan picked up the phone to hear Lucas out to him.

"What was that? Nathan? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

He snapped the phone shut, threw it on the ground and entered her with one hard thrust. It was over in seconds, both of them aroused beyond belief by their unusual foreplay.

As he lay breathless in her arms, Nathan felt her hands caress his back and her feet stroking the back of his calves.

"Well that was different." Her statement followed by loud giggles. Nathan couldn't help but laugh along with her.

* * *

"Did she settle down okay?" Nathan asked Haley who had just put Lily to bed.

Haley grinned ecstatically doing a little happy dance before diving onto the sofa and into a laughing Nathan's arms.

"Hey, what's going on? You're acting like it's Christmas and your birthday all wrapped up in one."

Haley giggled childishly. "It's better!"

Nathan quirked an eyebrow knowing just how much Haley loved to celebrate, with her birthday and Christmas coming out on top of her list.

"I hope that you're okay with this. I mean I am just so happy about it, but I understand if you have some concerns or need some time to adjust…"

Nathan swooped in and kissed her mid-sentence, knowing sometimes it was the best way to cut her rambling short. He pulled away satisfied to see Haley still lost in the moment.

"Now would be the time for you to get to the point" His jibe earned him a smack in the arm, which he pretended hurt him badly.

"Lily called me 'Mama'."

Nathan sat frozen in shock for a moment, trying to comprehend the enormity of her news.

"Oh, Hales. That's amazing… I wish I'd been there with you." He latched onto her excitedly, making them both topple off the sofa and onto the floor, where he kissed her thoroughly, both relishing in the wonderful news. They were becoming a real family.

For the past two months she'd had the pleasure of getting to know Nathan's daughter and to her absolute delight they had bonded from the beginning. She began explaining it had happened.

_After giving Lily her bath that evening, as was becoming a nightly ritual, Haley read the little girl her favorite story of the moment which happened to be Goldilocks._

_It was now one of her most cherished activities, just reading or singing lullabies to the Lily, and what made it more special was that when the toddler knew the them well enough to participate. Lily giggled with delight at the voices that Haley put on for her and when they had reached the part of the story where the bears discovered their beds had been slept in, she pointed to the illustrations of each character as Haley read._

"_Somebody's been sleeping in my bed" Haley recited the words in high pitched voice pretending to be the Mama bear._

_Lily clapped with enthusiasm while attempting repeating the line. "somebody sleep my bed"._

_Haley repeated the line again in a childish voice for the baby bear's part of the story. However rather than clapping again, Lily looked between Haley and the book she was holding. _

_The little girl pointed to the baby bear and stating "Baby". She then pointed to the mama bear stating "Mama"._

"_Yes that's right Lil. That's baby bear and his mama." It never ceased to amaze Haley how proud she was of every little thing that Lily accomplished. It truly was like watching a miracle unfold before her eyes, seeing this wonderful little girl learn and grow more and more each day._

_Lily smiled proudly knowing that she had pleased Haley. She then twisted around in the blonde's lap and wrapped her arms around Haley's neck in a sweet hug. After a few moments, Haley pulled back slightly and noticed Lily struggling to keep her eyes open as her head lay on her shoulder. Standing up carefully, she placed the book down on the chair before lowering Lily into her cot._

"_Goodnight baby."_

"_Night Mama" the toddler murmured_

Nathan hugged Haley tight, thoroughly please with the story. Her mind started to wander off as she enjoyed being held in the warm embrace of the man she loved. However, she was soon brought out of her reverie by Nathan nibbling his way down her neck. She loved times like these when they were carefree, playful and… well, horny. They'd always had a great sex life, but since getting back together, they hadn't been able to get enough of one another.

He claimed that it was only natural, considering they had three years to make up for, a statement which always made her laugh… but in some ways it felt like he was right. Their bodies ached to be joined in the ultimate act of intimacy. Every time he entered a room, her body would hum with electricity, picking up his signal like a homing beacon. It seemed impossible that they had been apart for so long because she was sure that she couldn't last a day without him now.

Nathan felt like he was on fire for this woman. She was his drug and he'd never get enough of her. And knowing that his daughter now considered Haley to be her mother… God, it was such a turn on. He couldn't wait to marry her. As soon as he heard back from Luke and everything was organized he would propose, but now, he really needed to tell her what was going on as it concerned her just as much as him.

Pulling back, he watched Haley's lust filled eyes look at him questioningly.

"Babe, there's something we need to talk about."

Haley leaned up on her elbows, catching her breath before taking Nathan's offered hand and sitting next to him on the couch. "Look, Nathan. If you'd prefer Lily keep calling me Haley, I understand…"

"What? No! God, I love that she called you mama, Hales." Nathan placed his hand over hers reassuringly.

"Okay, so what do you want to talk about then?"

Before he could answer they were both distracted by the voice of a news reporter on the television.

"_And in breaking news this evening, NBA star Paul Marsh has been taken into police custody, charged with the sexual assault of a local woman."_

Nathan glanced at Haley briefly to see her reaction. Her face was blank as she watched the news bulletin intently. Footage of Paul, who was handcuffed, being escorted by two police officers flashed across the screen before moving on to his attorney outside the Police Station.

"_My client is innocent of all charges. He is an upstanding citizen, donating largely to various charities and has no prior record. The alleged victim is simply a vengeful woman who has not taken kindly to Mr Marsh ending their brief relationship. And now my client has been dragged into this unfortunate mess."_

They were silent after the report ended, both absorbing the shocking news. Nathan didn't' know what to say. He knew it was great that Paul was being exposed for the disgusting pig that he is, but he had no idea how Haley would feel about it.He couldn't stand the thought of her being hurt by all this once again. Not when she'd put it all behind her.

"Are you okay Hales?"

"Um… yeah." He watched as she sat forward and put her head between her hands. "There's something I need to do though."

Pulling her cell out of her handbag, Haley dialed the familiar number, waiting for her manager to pick up.

After their brief conversation ended, Nathan pulled her back down to him, so that she was cuddled into his chest. "I gather from that what I overheard, that you want to be involved with the case. Are you sure you're ready for that baby?"

"It's been 10 years Nathan. If I'm not ready to face it all now, then I never will be. I just want to talk to this woman and see if I can help her in any way. It's the least I can do. After all, if I'd had the courage to report my rape then he never would have had the chance to hurt this girl… and God knows how many others we don't know about."

"Hey. I don't want you thinking like that Hales. What happened to that girl is not your fault." He sighed deeply, feeling completely helpless and out of his element, all he knew was that she would need his support whatever she decided. "But if you think talking to her is the right thing to do, then I'm behind you one hundred percent."

Nathan's words and the soft kiss he placed on her forehead helped to calm her frazzled nerves. It would be hard dredging up painful memories from the past, but with such an amazing man by her side, she knew she would get through it.

* * *

Later that evening Nathan lay in bed, Haley wrapped up in his arms, sleeping peaceful. Slumber would not come to Nathan easily, however, as he sorted through the thoughts that plagued him. After an hour of indecision, he gently removed his arms from around her sleeping form, got out of bed and pulled on his boxer shorts, grabbing the cell phone which lay on his bedside table before creeping out of their room, careful not to disturb her. Once downstairs, Nathan hesitantly dialed the number that had been imprinted on his mind all evening.

His gut churned with anxiety as he thought about how much was riding on this conversation. As he waited for the line to pick up, the sound of ringing drummed through his ear like a marching band and the butterflies in his stomach felt as though they had grown to the size of giant moths.

"Hello?"

"Hi Peyton. It's Nathan."

"Hi. I was expecting a call from you. I hear you've been looking for me"

"Yeah. So… how are you?"

"I'm good. Great actually. I've just come back from a 4 month photo shoot in Africa… That's why you couldn't get a hold of me… not that I knew you were trying to."

"Africa hey? That sounds cool" Nathan was trying to keep this as civil as possible even though all he wanted to do was scream at her. He wanted to know how she could have just abandoned his baby girl.

"It was so amazing. The best thing that's ever happened to me" He could hear her clearing her throat nervously, realizing that most mothers would give that honor to the birth of their children. "How's Lily?"

Nathan felt a knot twist in his stomach at her question. How could she ask that so casually after not seeing her child in almost two years?

"My daughter's fine." His voice was thick with emotion.

"Look, Nathan. I know we didn't part on good terms. And I know I'm a horrible person for what I've done, but don't think I don't know that… because I do." He could hear her crying even though she was trying to hide it. As much as he hated her, he also knew she wasn't heartless and that she just hadn't been able to cope with being a mother. "I live with it every day. I think about her, Nathan, I do. I wonder if she's healthy. If she's happy. Is she happy, Nathan? I want her to be happy."

A single tear trickling down his cheek alerted him to the fact that he had begun crying too. Tears he had held inside for such a long time. Tears for Lily, for himself, for Haley… and, he realized, for Peyton too.

"Yes. She's very happy." He whispered, trying to mask his emotions.

"I'm glad. Is there anything you need? Something I can do? I gather you didn't track me down just to say hello." He recognized her switch in mood as a defense mechanism to deal with her pain. She was going to make this all business and bury her feelings deep down inside. She'd been doing it since she was a child.

"Actually, there is something you can do for me… for us, Lily and me."

"Anything." Her voice was unwavering and full of conviction. He knew she meant it.

"I want you to legally give up your parental rights."

"Oh."

The silence that followed had Nathan filled with fear. What if she fought him on this and took it to court. He didn't want to put Lily through that… or Haley.

"So, I won't be her mother anymore?" The broken whisper was more of a statement than a question.

"You're not her mother now, Peyton. You haven't been her mother since the day you turned your back on her." He felt bad for snapping, but she needed to understand. As soon as she walked away, she ceased being Lily's mother.

"I'm sorry Peyton. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

Another long silence followed and he hoped he hadn't lost her. He needed to keep his cool and keep her on side. She'd never been malicious about anything that had happened. She wasn't a bad person… everything that had happened between them was a series of unfortunate circumstances and poor decisions. But he knew deep down that she wasn't a bad person.

"Haley."

The whispered name threw him for a second. "What?"

"Haley's come back to you hasn't she? That's why you've contacted me after all this time. I get it now."

Panic flared from within him. Was she going to make this difficult on him because she was still unable to get over the fact that he could never love her because of his undying love for Haley?

"It's okay, Nathan. There isn't anyone else in the world I'd trust more to raise Lily. She's a good person. She's better than any of us… always has been. I'm glad that you've both found happiness together after everything that's happened."

"So you'll do it? You'll sign the papers?"

"Yes. I'll sign them."

Nathan breathed a sigh of relief. Everything was finally coming together for him. Now he could marry Haley and have her adopt Lily so that they could be a proper family.

"Can you do something for me Nathan? I'd like you tell Lily about me one day. Just let her know that even though I couldn't be a good mother to her… I do love her. Promise me you'll tell her."

"Yes Peyton. I promise."

"Thank you."

"Goodbye Peyton."

"Goodbye Nathan."

Nathan closed his eyes and clutched the phone to his chest. It was really happening. He would tell Haley first thing tomorrow. God he couldn't wait to see her face when her told her. Her beautiful brown eyes would light up and she'd throw herself at him in all the excitement. His daydream was soon shattered by an accusing, hurt filled whisper.

"You've been talking to Peyton?"

* * *

_**AN: I've actually managed to get a new chapter out in just over a week... yay me! A big thank you to Bec and Dawnie for their support and help with fine tuning my ideas. **_

_**Thank you to those who reviewed. I really appreciate your feedback. It always gives me something to think about for my next update. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I look forward to getting the next one to you as soon as possible**_

_**Lori**_


	20. A Matter OF Trust

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Chapter 20 – A Matter Of Trust**

* * *

"_Goodbye Peyton."_

"_Goodbye Nathan."_

_Nathan closed his eyes and clutched the phone to his chest. It was really happening. He would tell Haley first thing tomorrow. God he couldn't wait to see her face when her told her. Her beautiful brown eyes would light up and she'd throw herself at him in all the excitement. His daydream was soon shattered by an accusing, hurt filled whisper._

"_You've been talking to Peyton?"_

* * *

Nathan spun around to see the shattered expression on his lover's face and he cursed himself for being so foolish. He knew he should have told her earlier. Lucas warned him not to keep it a secret but he wouldn't listen. Now he just hoped she would listen to reason. 

"Hales. It's not what it looks like." Nathan took a step towards her, but stopped when she stepped back from him.

"What it _looks like_, Nathan, is that you crept out of our bed in the middle of the night to make a secret phone call to Peyton… the woman you told me you haven't spoken to since she left you and Lily."

Haley struggled to keep her composure. She knew Nathan could see how hurt she was and how betrayed she felt. Knew he could hear it in her voice. But she didn't want to completely lose it in front of him… or raise her voice, worried that Lily might wake up to hear them fighting. She'd never want to do that to her little girl.

That's how she had come to think of the precious child, but now after finding out that Nathan was in contact with her mother, she just didn't know where that left her. Was it all going to end? This new happiness she'd found. This new family she'd built with Nathan. A few silent tears escaped her glossy eyes, and brushed them away hurriedly.

"Okay, Hales. Please listen to me, baby. Yes, that was Peyton I was just speaking with." When a sob escaped her throat, he had to fight the impulse to rush to her and take her into his arms, knowing that she didn't want that right now.

"But this is the first time I've spoken to her since she left. I didn't lie to you about that Hales, I promise."

The silence between them was deafening and Nathan thought he'd spontaneously combust if she didn't say something soon. He just couldn't bear the thought of this stupid misunderstanding tearing them apart… not after all they'd been through to finally come together again.

"You swear it's the first time? We promised no secrets or lies Nathan."

He almost winced at her words. He had made that promise and even then he knew he was keeping something from her. Sometimes he amazed himself with how idiotic he could be. But she was listening to him. Giving him a chance to explain. It was a good sign. "I know babe and I'm sorry I haven't kept up my end of the bargain, but I promise you, this is all for you. For us."

She could see the sincerity in his pleading eyes and immediately felt relief wash over her. "Okay" the word was whispered so softly that Nathan almost didn't hear it… almost.

"Hales?" Nathan breathed her name questioningly. He still had no idea where he stood with her and how she was feeling about this.

"I believe you."

He let out an anxious breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and his shoulders sagged with visible relief. She gave him a small smile and when he opened his arms in invitation she ran to them willingly, letting herself be enveloped by his strong warm body.

She had felt so hurt when overhearing the end of his conversation with Peyton; so betrayed thinking that he had lied to her for God knows how long… possibly since their reconciliation. But knowing that this was the first time he'd had contact with the other woman, she felt the hurt and the anger wash away. He wouldn't do that to her and if he was talking to Peyton then she knew he had to have a good reason. She trusted him implicitly and if he wasn't ready to confide in her, then she would wait. He would tell her in his own time.

Nathan revelled in the feel of her small soft body snuggling into him. The way she believed him so easily, accepting his explanation simply because he promised he was telling the truth… it just made him love her even more, something he had previously though it impossible.

He pulled away slowly, raising his hands so that he could cup he face tenderly. "I'm sorry I hurt you baby. I never meant to do that."

She raised herself higher, brushing her whisper soft lips against his in a loving kiss, while gently stroking his scruffy, unshaven cheek. "I know."

Taking her hand, Nathan led her to the sofa pulling her down onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her waist protectively as she let her head fall back onto his shoulder.

"Don't you want to know what the phone call was about?"

Haley snuggled her face further into his neck, her warm breath sending tingles through his nervous system as he fought for control over his awakening libido.

"Sure, I'm curious. But I trust you. And that means that I trust your judgement. You'll tell me when you're ready." She meant her words. That's not to say that it wouldn't kill her waiting for an explanation. She'd always had a curious nature and wanted issues cleared up immediately rather than leaving them 'up in the air'. But she'd resolved that this time around with Nathan would be different. They were both more wise, more mature and totally committed to one another. Therefore, she would give him the time he needed.

Nathan grinned widely at her response. She really did trust him and that had been his greatest fear all along; that even though they were in love and back together, he'd never truly win her trust back. Turning his head he captured his lips in a searing kiss filled love and gratitude. After a short time he broke the kiss, not wanting to keep her in suspense. She was being so great about all of this and he wanted to put her mind at ease.

"I'm ready to tell you now babe. This isn't a secret, I just wanted to wait for the right time to speak with you about it. I can see now that it wasn't my smartest decision."

Haley was suddenly filled with dread about what he was going to tell her. It seemed that whenever Peyton was involved it spelled trouble for them and their relationship. Feeling her tense up on his lap, Nathan decided he would rather give her the good news in their room, where he could snuggle with her and her close under the warmth of the bed covers.

"Let's go back to bed and I'll tell you what's going on."

Haley snuggled back into him further obviously in protest of his suggestion. He tilted her face to look at him. "What's wrong Hales?"

"Nothing… it's stupid really. Can we just talk here?" She avoided his gaze hoping he'd drop it and tell her now.

"If it's bothering you then it's not stupid. What's worrying my girl?"

She sat up straighter and twisted on his lap so that she was facing him a little better. "I just don't know if I want to bring Peyton into our bedroom, you know? I love our room. It holds nothing but wonderful memories for me. It's like this safe space where I know everything between us is going to be fine… and I don't want to taint it." She looked up at him nervously hoping that he didn't think she was being ridiculous. "If I don't like what you have to tell me, I don't want it to ruin that feeling I get every night when we lie together in our room."

Nathan kissed her quickly, loving how open and honest she was with him. He knew exactly how she felt about their room. Even though he'd spent many lonely nights in there before she came back into his life… they were banished from his memory when she was there with him. It was like anything that happened before she came back was now erased, and it was only the nights with her that mattered.

"I can promise you right now that everything will be fine. You are going to love what I have to tell you and nothing will be ruined. So will you come to our bed with me so I can share some wonderful news with you?"

Haley nodded her head with a smile, relieved that nothing was going to shatter their happy existence. She squealed in surprise as he placed one arm behind her back and the other underneath her knees, before carrying her up the staircase to their bedroom. Nathan had put her mind at ease and it was like the tension from downstairs was gone by the time they'd reached the second level.

He'd always been the only person who could turn her mood from angry or sad to happy and carefree in just one moment. He complimented her in that way, just as she brought a sense of balance and calm to his turbulent moods.

"Hey mister. Stop trying to cop a feel!"

"Aww, c'mon. It's impossible not to with a beautiful woman in my arms… who I happen to know is naked underneath her teeny little robe."

Haley tried unsuccessfully to hold in a laugh. They were always so comfortable together, but since finding one another again, there was a closeness, an intimacy that hadn't been there before. It allowed them to be both serious and playful without censure.

"Besides, when have I ever been able to keep my hands off you?" His knowing smirk and wiggling eyebrows sent her into a fit of laughter.

Suddenly Nathan began to move faster until he was jogging with her in his arms and she wrapped hers tighter around his neck, trying not to chuckle too loudly, for fear of waking up Lily. He moved through their doorway, kicking the door shut behind him before taking a flying leap onto the bed so that they both bounced heavily upon landing.

He watched as shakes of laughter convulsed through her body and a wide smile graced her lips to match the sparkle that had returned to her eyes. After few moments of watching her take delight in his antics, Nathan rolled over her, slanting his mouth over hers in a deep kiss, garnering an enthusiastic response. Pulling away and out of breath, he rolled back onto his side as Haley did the same to face him.

"Wow, my very own Peter Pan. Ladies and Gentlemen…I give you Nathan Scott, the boy who never grew up."

Nathan laughed heartily, enjoying every moment of their clowning around. She watched mesmerised by his joyful face. This was how she wanted to spend the rest of her life… with Nathan. Loving him and loving Lily. Being a family.

"Nathan?" Her voice was soft, but firm.

He stopped chuckling and gazed into her now serious face, wondering how her mood had changed so quickly.

"Yeah baby?" He gently moved a lock of hair behind her ear before tenderly stroking her cheek.

She took a deep breath, readying herself for the what she was about to do.

"Will you marry me?"

He was floored. Out of the millions of things she could have said at that moment, a proposal of marriage was not what he was expecting. He had planned on proposing to her after they had discussed Lily's adoption. He'd been so wary about pushing her, forcing her into a commitment she wasn't ready for and had hoped that by proving how committed he was by asking her to officially become Lily's mother, that she would accept his proposal.

The fact that she was ready to commit to him for the rest of her life, without him having to prove anything further to her, made his heart soar. She believed in them and their love just as much as he did and he knew now that nothing would ever come between them again.

"Nathan?" her hesitant voice pulled him out of his thoughts and back to reality. From the anxious look on her face he realised that he must have been lost in thought for quite a while, leaving Haley without an answer.

A smile lit up his face as he reached for her, pulling her flush up against him, as he moved his lips over hers in an a possessively loving kiss. "Yes. Yes. Yes. " the word whispered repeatedly against her now smiling lips.

After long minutes of slow, toe curling kisses they both pulled away breathless and grinning like idiots.

"Now let me tell you my good news. I have a feeling you're going to be the happiest woman in the world tonight Haley James soon-to-be Scott."

After a few moments of waiting patiently for him to talk, Haley became…less patient. "Would you just tell me already?" Her words said in mock exasperation helped to ease the tension that had built up.

"I don't know exactly where to begin." Nathan knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't just blurt it all out. She deserved a real explanation of everything that he had been organising.

"How about the beginning?" Her smirk adding to the sarcasm inflected in her tone.

"I have been trying to track down Peyton for about 3 months now." He watched her closely to gauge her reaction and upon seeing her reassuring nod, he continued. "I had no idea where she was and being a photographer, she moves around to so many remote places. Anyway, Luke had this private investigator looking for her on my behalf and he finally found her yesterday."

Haley propped herself up on an elbow while looking at him thoughtfully. "So it's safe to assume those odd phone calls you've been making and receiving had to do with this?"

"You knew about those?" His tone was full of disbelief.

Haley simply nodded her head and chuckled. "Let's just say you're not cut out for a career in the CIA."

Nathan laughed. "Not very covert, huh?"

Haley shook her head trying not to laugh at Nathan's slightly disappointed expression. She'd never understand men and their secret wish to be James Bond.

"Well, this PI guy tracked Peyton down and got me her contact details. So, I called her because there is something I needed to ask. I was really nervous about speaking to her and getting her reaction, so that's why I didn't tell you. I wanted to wait until it was all organised and she'd agreed."

"Agreed to what Nathan? I don't understand. What on earth could you need from her?"

"I asked her to sign over her parental rights… so she won't legally be considered Lily's mother anymore."

Haley sat up and crossed her legs in front of her Indian style. "Wow. That's huge Nathan. I can see that this is a big deal for you. I just wish you had have told me, I could have supported you through waiting to find her and worrying about her reaction. I'm always here for you Nathan, I hope you know that."

"Oh, Hales. I do know that. I just didn't want to get your hopes up if she said no and then we had to go through the courts"

She leaned forward and took his hand between her smaller ones. "Peyton is in our past. She may be Lily's mother, but I love that little girl as if she were my own and I'm her mother now, Nathan. I don't care what her birth certificate says, she's my daughter. So even if Peyton didn't agree to sign the papers, it wouldn't matter. She will grow up knowing she has a mother who loves her."

"God, you're amazing, Hales."

Nathan felt the familiar stinging sensation behind his eyes after her heartfelt declaration. There was no one else in the world who could love his daughter so unconditionally. No one else he would trust to be her mother, to raise her and be responsible for giving her the motherly love she deserves but has been denied so far in life.

"I know how you feel about Lily and how much you love her. But the reason I went through all this trouble to contact Peyton is because I want you to adopt her, Hales. You're already Lily's mother in her eyes… and in mine. But I want it to be official."

Haley couldn't stop the flow of joyful tears escaping. It was one thing for Nathan to trust her with his heart…. but he was trusting her with his daughter, the most important thing in his life. He would never be able to comprehend how much that meant to her.

"Thank you, Nathan. This means the world to me." Her voice broke with emotion as she felt the first tears of joy cascade down her cheeks.

Nathan raised himself up to kneel before her, brushing away her tears and kissing away the tear tracks from her porcelain skin. "I love you so much".

Haley pulled back smiling. "I love you too. You're my soul mate Nathan Scott".

"Wait here just one minute." Nathan kissed her forehead affectionately before disappearing into their large walk in closet.

Haley could hear him rustling around and found herself fidgeting with the sash on her robe while she waited eagerly for him to return. After hearing a loud thud followed by a few curses, she jumped off the bed and struggled not to laugh at the sight of Nathan on his butt surrounded by boxes and other various items which were once sitting precariously on the shelf above.

"What the hell are you doing?" she queried trying unsuccessfully to hide her amusement.

Nathan looked up from his position on the floor and laughed. "Spring cleaning?"

"Pfff. Like I'd ever believe that! Do you want some help fixing up this mess?" Haley bent over to pick up one of the boxes, but Nathan quickly grabbed her wrist and told her to go back to bed and wait for him or she'd ruin his surprise. Laughing once again at the sight before her, she nodded her head, leaving Nathan to his mess.

A few minutes and several more expletives later Nathan entered the bedroom and joined Haley on the bed, resting his back against the headboard. She could see immediately that he was holding something behind his back and with her curiosity piqued, she sat up straight facing him expectantly.

"Well don't keep me in suspense. What on earth was so important that you had to raid your closet in the middle of the night?"

She was surprised by the serious expression on his face as he reached out to tenderly stroke her cheek. She always loved the intimate gesture and found herself leaning into his touch.

"I've waited three years to do this Hales. There's no way I was going to wait until morning."

She watched questioningly as he produced a tiny light blue satin bag with a matching ribbon tie. He untied the bag slowly before taking her right hand and lying it palm up, flat on his lap and emptying the contact into her small hand.

"Our engagement rings" Haley's soft exclamation was full of shock, awe and happiness. He had kept their rings all this time, knowing that they would be together again some day. Deep down they had both known it and she was so glad that he had them on hand for this special occasion.

He took the smaller ring in one hand and her left hand in his other before sliding it onto her ring finger, where it fit perfectly as though it had never been removed. A streak of possessive satisfaction rolled through him at the sight, knowing that she was his once again.

Haley followed suit, placing the larger ring on his finger and then entwining their hands so that they could see the rings together, the way they used to be; the way they should be. She smiled up at him lovingly. "Is this real?"

He kissed her deeply before pulling back. "It's real babe. We've finally got the family we always wanted."

At the thought of the three of them officially being a real family, Haley's heart swelled with love. Her dreams were finally coming true, and it had nothing to do with her blossoming music career or the fortune she was getting from her debut album… it was all to do with the two people she loved more than life itself.

She kissed him briefly before jumping up off the bed excitedly. "I'll be back in a second."

Before she reached the door, Nathan called out to her. "Where are you going?"

"To check on our daughter."

* * *

**_AN: Thanks to Bec and Dawn for letting me bounce ideas around with them. Your input is invaluable and I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help and support._**

**_Thankyou to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I appreciate your enthusiasm for the story and all of your comments. This is the last chapter with just an epilogue to follow. _**

**_Lori_**

**_xxxxx_**


	21. Epilogue

**Title: Desperately Wanting**

**Summary: Haley James had always been invisible to Nathan Scott. She thought her dreams had come true when he finally noticed her years later, but instead he broke her heart. When they meet again and he realizes his mistake, will she give him a second chance?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own One Tree Hill or any of its characters**

**Epilogue**

* * *

_**Author's Note:** Thank you so much to everyone who has read this story and especially those who have taken the time to give me their comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it when I hear from you._

_Thanks again to Bec for being a wonderful beta and to both her and Dawnie for their help and support. _

_I've already started my new fanfic as some of you already know I'd really love it if you could check it out. I'm very excited about the idea for this new story._

_**Title: Holding On To Hope**_

_**Summary:** **Nathan and Haley, along with her young son have become a family. But they're soon faced with a heart-wrenching decision that could put one of their lives at risk. Will they survive through this desperate time or will they be torn apart?**_

_**

* * *

**_

Haley closed her eyes rocking back and forth slowly as her two month old son suckled at her breast. With his golden brown hair and deep brown eyes, both parents knew he was going to look like his mother. Tyler was such an easy baby; nothing like his older brother Zachary who had been a handful from the get-go. The five year old was definitely his father's son… almost identical in every way from his raven coloured hair to his cerulean blue eyes; not to mention his temperament which was as outgoing and cocky as Nathan's had been when he was younger, but also still held the warmth and sweetness that her husband showed his family every day.

"Mommy! Zach keeps changing the station!" Lily's screeching caused her mother to wince. It had been one of those days where her children were restless and picking fights with one another to keep themselves amused.

Tyler stopped feeding and looked up at his mother who couldn't help chuckling at his disgruntled expression. "I know little man. Your brother and sister are driving me nuts too." She leaned down and placed a tender kiss on the soft skin of forehead, before fixing her maternity bra and managing to do up the buttons on her shirt one handed, an art she'd mastered when Zach was a baby.

A sound not dissimilar to a herd of stampeding elephants could be heard before Lily and Zach ran into the nursery both jostling each other obviously in competition to get to their mother first. Before either of them could say a word Haley put a finger to her lips indicating for them to be quiet. The last thing she needed was for them to upset Tyler who was due to go sleep now that he'd been bathed and fed.

"Now Zach, you know not to change the channel when your sister is trying to watch something." Haley's voice was soft but firm. Underneath his rambunctious exterior, Zach was a sensitive soul and responded best to being reasoned with rather than yelled at or ordered to do things.

"I know mommy… but I don't wanna miss it." The poor boy chewed on his bottom lip looking as though he was about to tear up at any moment.

"Oh, honey. Daddy's game isn't on for a little while yet. I promise I won't let you miss it." Haley put her arm around her son's waist and pulled him into a one armed hug as she still held Tyler with the other; the baby watching his siblings with interest, feeling content after his feeding.

"Is Ty gonna watch too?" Her son's excited expression soon faded as she shook her head.

"No honey. Your brother will be asleep soon so it will just be the three of us."

"I thought having a brother would be fun, but he's boring." Her son's sullen grumbling made her smile… he was adorable no matter what his disposition.

"You used to be boring too!" Lily scolded her brother, ever protective of both her siblings.

"Nuh-uh" Zach glared at his sister appalled by the thought.

"You used to be a baby just like Ty and I had no one to play with. But then you got older and funner." The two children were constantly arguing like most other siblings, but it was rarely ever serious and they were both loyal and fiercely protective of one another. Just this moment they'd gone from antagonising each other to Lily trying to reason with her brother and Zach looking to his sister for guidance.

"Really? But I'm not boring now!"

The little girl smiled and messed her brother's hair affectionately. "Nope. Your heaps of fun now."

Haley smirked at her son's smile of satisfaction. "Why don't you go get changed into your pj's and then it will nearly be time to watch Daddy."

Without even responding, the boy took off out of the nursery and headed for his bedroom, extremely excited about watching his Daddy on television.

"Do you need help with Ty, mommy?" Lily looked on with interest as her mother burped the baby on her shoulder.

"You're my little angel, Lil. I don't know what I'd do without you." The praise causing Lily to grin widely. The two had always shared an amazing bond that had stayed strong even when Lily found out a year earlier that Haley was not her biological mother. Although too young to know all the details, Lily understood that her mother left when she was a baby and that Haley had adopted her. The mature way in which Lily dealt with the revelation really shouldn't have surprised Nathan and Haley at all; the young girl was wise beyond her years and didn't let the news affect her relationship with her mother. All that mattered to her was that Haley was the only mother she'd ever known and had always been there for her no matter what.

"You'd be stuck with the boys!" Lily giggled.

"Oh no." Her dramatic tone and expression drew forth more giggles from her daughter. "We girls have to stick together."

After Tyler had been changed and placed in his crib Lily turned to her mother, a serious expression on her face. "Ty's not really a boy yet. He's just a baby, so he can stick with us too."

"Okay, sweetie." Haley pulled her daughter into a hug, wishing that Lily wasn't getting older and way too heavy to lift into her arms. "Let's go get see what your brother is up to and then watch Daddy's game."

An hour later the three Scott's were glued to the television as the final buzzer sounded. Nathan had played an amazing game, carrying his team to victory and was now currently being congratulated by his team mates for the evening.

"Go Daddy! He wiped the floor with those guys!."

Haley gave her daughter a questioning look, wondering where she had heard that particular expression.

"What? That's what Daddy told Uncle Lucas he was gonna do."

Zach, who had finally stopped jumping up and down on the couch plonked back down next to his mother. "Yeah. Daddy mopped the floor with them!"

Lily and Haley both laughed at his error, and not knowing that they were laughing at him, Zach joined in, giggling until his face was beet red.

"Okay guys. It's time for bed now." Haley stood up, lifting Zach into her arms, thankful that she could still carry one of her older children. Lily placed her hand in her mother's, going to bed without protest, while her brother grumbled all the way to his room that he wasn't tired, despite falling asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Nathan closed the front door behind him, sighing wearily as he realised the house was both dark and quiet. He didn't like this; missing out on spending the evening with his family and getting to tuck his children into bed. It was a rare occurrence that he wasn't there for dinner and bedtimes and even though he'd had a great time that night reliving his 'glory days', he knew he'd much rather be at home being a husband and father. 

Being a professional basketball player was all Nathan had wanted to be when he was younger, but he found that ever since leaving the game to look after Lily when Peyton left, he hadn't really missed it the way he thought he would. And now that he had his family, he was happy with his new career of owning and running his own gym, which was extremely successful; so much so that there were now three franchises of his gym in the city.

He knew he had his priorities right when he flipped the switch for the foyer to find that Haley had hung a banner painted by her and the kids which read "GO DADDY!". He smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs and after checking in on all three of his children, Nathan entered the master bedroom to find his wife sitting in bed, tapping away on her laptop.

"Hi beautiful."

The way her eyes lit up as she looked up from her work gave Nathan butterflies in his stomach. Even after five years of marriage, she still had that affect on him.

"Congratulations Mr Hot Shot Basketball Star."

Nathan chuckled as he made his way over to Haley and sat down on the edge of the bed, moving her laptop to the bedside table and placing a soft, tender kiss on her lips.

"Thanks… and thank you for the banner. It's great." Haley knew he meant it too; he was always so proud of his children and she knew that it still amazed him how much he loved them… and they loved him in return.

"The kids had fun making it. Not quite as much fun as they had watching their Daddy on the television tonight, though. You are definitely going to be popular tomorrow morning."

"As long as I'm popular tonight too." His husky voice sent shivers down her spine.

"Hold on to that thought. I just need to save my work." Haley shoved Nathan playfully, making him stand up so she could swing out of bed to get to her computer.

"Aren't you supposed to be on maternity leave? Doesn't that mean that you don't have any work to do?" Nathan stood behind her nuzzling her neck, trying successfully to distract her.

Haley was the founder of an organisation that supported rape victims. The organisation raised funds for awareness as well as opening up several crisis centres where victims of sexual assaults could seek medical treatment and counselling. Her business partner was a woman named Susan Power; the same young woman who pressed charges against Paul Marsh years ago. Susan and Haley had become friends after Haley helped Susan gather the courage to testify against her rapist and ultimately put him behind bars.

For a long time, Haley had felt guilty that she'd let Susan take all of the responsibility by not coming forward with her own story about Paul, but Susan had assured her that it was for the best. Haley was a celebrity with a family to worry about; the press would have had a field day with that information and Susan didn't want her or her family to have to go through that ordeal.

"Susan just wanted me to read over something and make a few changes… besides, it's nice to be needed for something other than my breasts… I mean between you and Tyler, I feel used!"

"That's my little man. Just like his Daddy, he appreciates the good things in life." Nathan chuckled before pushing his wife back on the bed and pulling her t-shirt off in one quick motion before she had time to react. Not that Haley objected in any way especially when she felt his hot warm tongue brush across her already sensitive nipple. It always amazed her that she could feel nothing but motherly pride and warmth when her son drank from her breast… but then red hot desire when her husband feasted on the same flesh.

Just as Nathan was about to remove her panties, the sound of their son's distressed cries came though on the baby monitor. Nathan sighed as he rolled off his wife and got to his feet, telling Haley that he would tend to their son.

The baby usually slept through most of the night and if he woke it was due to needing a diaper change. Nathan always made a concerted effort to help Haley out as much as possible; obviously he couldn't feed Tyler if his cries were due to hunger, but he was always on hand to burp his son after his feeding. Usually he would sit with his wife while she was breastfeeding, still amazed by the natural act.

Lily had been bottle fed due to Peyton's post partum depression, and Nathan could still remember the feelings of warmth and overwhelming love he experienced the first time Haley fed Zach in the hospital. It was the ultimate vision of a mother nurturing her child.

"Hey buddy. How's my little guy doing?"

At the familiar sound of his father's voice, Tyler stopped crying and cooed for his Daddy's attention. Nathan lifted his son out of the crib and held him against his chest, kissing his forehead tenderly.

Wrinkling his nose in disgust, Nathan placed Ty on the change table. "Yep. Definitely a diaper change."

With a fresh, clean bottom, the baby happily went back to sleep as soon as he was placed back in his crib, however Nathan stood and watched him for several minutes, enthralled by the peaceful smile and soft breathing of his baby son.

Stripping off his clothes and sliding into bed next to his wife, Nathan pulled her into a warm embrace, breathing in her unique scent.

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me hales. You do most of the work when it comes to the kids, so I'm just happy to help out where I can."

Haley looked up into her husband's face, gently stroking his jaw. "That's not true. You're the most attentive father I've ever known. That's not what I meant though."

"What did you mean?"

"After my parents died I never really had a proper family… and I worried I'd never get one. It was my dream to fall in love and have a family of my own. You've given that to me, Nathan. You've made my dreams come true."

"Well I guess I should be thanking you too. Because you've done the same for me, Hales. I wouldn't want to change one thing about our life together… it's perfect."

She smiled widely at him. "It is."

Nathan dipped his head to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. She returned the kiss with abandon, sidling closer to him so that their naked bodies were touching and their legs became entangled underneath the covers. They hadn't made love since Tyler was born and Nathan was a little hesitant, worried that she might not be ready.

His hand trailed down between the valley of her voluptuous, milk filled breasts, over her stomach and down into the small thatch of curls between her thighs. He was pleasantly surprised to find her hot core already wet for him. Slowly circling the little bundle of nerves at her centre, he smirked as she threw her head back, gasping in pleasure at the contact. He loved her this way; so responsive to his touch and willing to surrender herself completely to him.

"Nathan. I need to feel you inside me. It's been too long."

Her desperate plea was almost enough to make him lose it then and there. He pulled back, resting on his knees as he gently parted her thighs; the cool air hitting her moist centre sent an erotic thrill through her veins and she felt her breathing grow shallow. Just as he reached her entrance, she stopped him.

"We need to use protection Nathan. There's only a slim chance I could get pregnant, but stranger things have happened."

"Would that be a bad thing?" The words escaped him before he even realised what he was saying. He realised then that he'd love to have more children, but he also understood that Haley would need to be ready. Lily had been three when they had Zach, and he was five when Tyler came along; having a newborn as well as a one year old would certainly be a handful.

Haley studied him carefully, seeing the cogs turning in his mind. She knew she'd like at least one more child, but she honestly hadn't thought about having another one so soon. It would be quite the task to look after two babies so close in age, but she also couldn't help getting excited at the possibility of giving Tyler a brother or sister close to his age. She loved being a mother and she didn't need to work, they had more than enough money to support them both without ever working again. She could trust Susan to look after things at work until she was ready to return… and she could use the time to work on the songs for her next album. She hadn't recorded in almost four years and even though she wasn't obliged to do a third album, she felt the creative juices flowing within her. Her record label knew she'd never tour; never take that much time away from her kids, and they were happy for her to just release an album. It would work out perfectly. They could do this. She wanted to do this.

"No. It wouldn't be a bad thing at all." Her soft words brought a smile to his face. He kissed her deeply, showing her just how happy she had made him.

"Another baby. Wow." Nathan was filled with joy and excitement as the reality of their decision sunk in.

"Don't get too excited. It could be a while before I fall pregnant again. Let's just see what happens."

"Okay, but in the meantime, let's practice." Nathan smothered her giggles with his kiss.

Love Lori

xoxox


End file.
